It's not Always Sunny on the Other Side
by jdiddy123
Summary: Santana has always been afraid to come out, but one day, Britt leaves her no choice. But maybe she has a good reason to be scared after all. Can she do it? Or will one person ruin everything for her? Rated T just to be safe...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- This takes place between season 2 and 3, so summer break between junior and senior year. santana is still wih Karofsky, and Brittany and Artie are NOT together. ****Basically follows the same story line as the show, except more detail on Santana and Puck's friendship. And instead of Quinn moving in middle school like the Lucy Caboosie storyline, she has lived in Lima all her life. My first fanfic, so please review! Enjoy (: **

Chapter One-

"San, can we talk?" Britt turned to me. I squeezed her hand before smiling and nodding. I knew what she was going to ask, but i had to reassure her that she could talk to me.

"How come _this_," she indicated our entangled hands, "has to be a secret? I know you're scared, but, why cant we just tell people?" I dropped her hand, starting to get angry with her. She just didnt understand why we couldnt tell people this.

"Because, Britts, you know what its like. You know what happened to Kurt. I love you, you know that! Why cant that be enough for you? I want you, just you, more than anything else in this world, but we just cant be together. We live in fucking _Ohio_, B." I never talked to Brittany like this, but i needed to get my point across to her. She just doesnt understand things sometimes.

"I know your scared, San, but look what happened to Kurt after he came out. Sure, he got bullied, alot, but your bullywhips stopped that! Until prom...but he's so much happier now that he's come out. He even has that cute boyfriend, Blaze, or something like that." Britt said patiently.

"Its Blaine, Britt. And Kurt's different. Kurt loves himself, he has a damn excepting parent, and even Finns mom to be there for him, not to mention how many friends he has in Glee Club. You're all I have Britt, and you already know my secret. So why do i have to tell everyone else, when it's only you that matters?" I sighed, sure she was going to make this harder than it had to be.

"Santana, listen to me. I mean it. Your parents love you, I know they're very religious, even more than Quinn's parents, but they do love you, and that wouldn't change if you came out. You have Glee club. You guys try and kill eachother almost every day, but I know they would be there for you. Just do this, San. For me." I almost said yes right then and there, just to take that frown off her face, but i knew that it wasn't that easy. I knew that she just wanted me to come out, but she couln't see the hate in people. She didnt know what would happen to me, to us, if i came out.

"Shit Brittany! What part of no do you not get? You say you love me, and that you would be with me if I would just tell people that a lesbian, but I can't! I know you dont understand that, but you have to except that. If you love me, we can just keep doing whatever were doing now." I yelled at her. I could tell she was fighting back tears, but I needed her to understand this.

"What do we have exactly, San? Secrets. That's all! We have a _HUGE_ secret, that I cant tell because it's your secret too. You cant keep hiding! One of these days, I might find somebody who isn't ashamed of me, who wants me and all of me and wants the world to know it. And i dont know if i could say no, San. I know you say you love me, but if you did, wouldnt you do anything to keep me? I know you think of what it would feel like for everyone to know your lebanese, but did you ever think about how much this, whatever we have, is hurting me? When were alone, you tell me that you love me, but then at school i see you flirting with Sam or Finn, and making out with Puck in the hallways. Or even now, dating _Karofsky_? Do you know how much that hurts me? You wouldnt talk to me for dating Artie, but you seem to be able to do whatever you want with whoever you want! Do you know how that makes me feel, San? It hurts. And if I didnt love you so much, I wouldn't still be here."

I opened my mouth to respond, but I didnt have any words to say to her. I didnt know what I could say that could make it alright again. I've been hurting her? All these

_months_, and I've been hurting her? Tears flooded down my face as I looked at the floor, mumbling more to myself than to Britt.

"I'm, sorry- I'm so sorry. I - I didn't know." I managed to finally say to her.

"I know, San." And just like that, my world was okay again as Brittany wrapped her arms around me until i stopped crying. When i noticed Britt crying though,

I got nervous.

"San, I- I cant do this anymore. Just waiting for you to come out, so you can finally be happy and then maybe be with me, but I cant just sit here, I've tried everything, and you just won't. I think maybe its best for...both of us if we just- just stay away from eachother for a while. You know?"

I couldnt beleive what she was saying. My heart stopped beating completely. I looked at her, with pure shock.

"Wait, Britt. Don't say that. I'll...I'll dump Karofsky and I'll stay away from Finn and Sam and Puck and all those other guys. I promise." I begged her, not caring if that made me whipped.

"San, this just Isn't going to work while your still hiding in the closet! If you come out, fine, then we'll talk. But i just cant keep waiting much longer."

"What if..." I trailed off knowing nothing would work with her now.

"Santana, please listen to what im trying to tell you. It's going to be better if you just let people know who you really are. Even just a little bit at a time. But until then, just, leave me alone." She barely managed to finish with tears rolling down her face. I stood there, finally knowing what it felt like to be dumped, even though we weren't really together. I shuffled up to my room, crying to much to even change my clothes as i crawled into bed. I called Brittany over and over, but she never picked up. Either she forgot where the talk button was again, or she was serious about avoiding me. I texted her, just trying to make sure she got home okay. She never replied. I cried into my pillow, waking up the next day with an urge to call Britt. After three rings, I remembered our fight the night before, and broke into a new round of tears. After 5 days or barely getting up, only to eat, I made up my mind. I knew my life would change SO much if I came out. Not to mention ruining the reputation i spent years trying to perfect. But living without Brittany, even as just a friend, was so much more difficult. I drove to her house, forgetting to brush my hair or change the clothes I'd been wearing for 5 days. I probably looked hidious, but Britt had seen me look so much worse. I pulled up to her house, knowing it was only her home since it was Tuesday and both her parents worked on Tuesdays. I knocked on the door repeatedly, until a shocked looking blonde opened up the door, slightly puzzled. She tried to shut the door in my face, but I pushed it open, getting straight to the point, in case I ran out of time.

"I'm telling them, my mom and dad, tonight." I waited for her response. Her shock slowly grew into a grin, and then a frown.

"San, are you sure your just not saying this? You mean it?"

"Living without you is just too hard, B. I gotta to do this to have you? Fine, fuck them. I'll do it." She smiled, pulling me into a hug, but hesitated once again.

"San, I trust you. I do. Its just...this is a serious thing. How about you call me tonight, and tell me yes or no. If its a yes, you can come over tomorrow, and we'll talk. If not, well then...just tell me what happens, but dont come before then. Please. I was serious when i said we should stay away from eachother." I drove away from Brittany's house with just a little more hope than I had waking up this morning. That night, I was freshly showered, I made my moms favorite dinner, and had my entire coming out speach prepared, hoping that my parents would take this well. My mom walked through the door, looked at me, looked at the food, and then said,

"Santana, honey, what did you do with Noah this time?"

I looked at her, disguisted.

"Mom! Thats fucking gross. We're just friends, I swear! And this isnt because I did anything, I just wanted to thank you and dad for being such great parents."

"Language, Santana!" She called me out on it every single time.

She looked reluctant at first, but after a few seconds she seemed to beleive me and helped set the table before my dad got home. My dad walked in, and nearly coppied

my moms reaction.

"Santana, did Noah get you pregnant?" He asked quietly, with a tint of anger in his voice.

"No! Puck and I are just damn friends! And this is just my way of saying thank you to you and Mom." He took his seat next to my mom, after mumbling something about watching my

language, and we all began eating our food. After a few minutes, I took a deep breath and started my speech. _For brittany, I said to myself. This is for Britt. _

"Mom, Dad? You guys you love me right? For me? Not for how perfect I am, but for just _who_ I am?" They nodded looking confused.

"Well, I wanted to tell you, I think, no, I know, I'm in love with someone." My mom smiled, but my dad looked cautious.

"This person, is, well, different than what you expected for me. But this person makes me happy, and we love eachother, so that should be enough to make you

guys happy too, right?"

"And who is this young man?" My dad asked.

"I'm, uhh, getting there, dad. So, this person isn't exactly what you would expect for me, but I'm different than the HBIC you think you know. I'm not the Santana Lopez you

think I am. Because the..." I took a breath, "...the straight girl you think is me, Isn't me. Mom, dad, -I'm gay."

**A/N: PLEASE review! I'll upload the next chapter really soon, if you even want to hear more, but next chapter I promise some serious Pucktana frienship and maybe some Quinntana friendship... I havent decided yet on that. Well, Hope you enjoyed it. My first fanfic so hopefully its okay. I'll probably get chapter 2 up this weekend or the beginingof next week, for anybody who is actually reading this. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Thank you so much for reviewing, Dancelikeheya and Riptide2015 ! I'll try to post as often as I can. Thanks for reading! **

My family went silent. I was too afraid to look up, to look into my mom's dissapointed eyes, and my dad's flaming ones. I stared at my feet, just wanting someone, either of them, to say _something._ I heard my dad's fork drop against his plate. I knew he was mad. I looked to my mom for some kind of reassurance, but she seemed to shocked to even register that i was looking at her.

"Mami, I-" She cut me off, her words pouring out of her mouth.

"No, Santana! You're not...that. Your perfect! You were the heach cheerleader, you have straight A's, always a nice new _boy_friend! This isn't you!"

"Damn it, Mom! You don't know anything about me! And I know who I am, you can't change that. All you can do is except it! Besides, I was only the head cheerio 'cause Quinn Fabray got herself knocked up with _my _man. The straight A's? Easy, and I barely even go to class anyways! The boyfriends? It's common sense mom, they never like me. They just know that they'll get a good rep. for dating me, and that im the biggest slut in school so I'll give them _whatever_ they want!" My voice broke at the end. I couln't beleive she was doing this to me.

"Santana, we can...we'll talk to someone. A counselor maybe, and see if they can fix you! Something is wrong with you. Being...gay, it isn't natural! It's wrong and immoral!" She yelled at me. By then I was crying, but it didn't stop me from getting angry.

"What the hell is wrong with you? It's **my** life mami, not yours. Why do you care if i do something _ wrong, _or _immoral_?"

"Because I love you and I don't want you to ruin your life doing something so unnatural!"

"Fuck that, no, shit, fuck _you_! If you loved me, all you'd want is for me to be happy with the _woman_ I love!"

"Language Santana! I do love you, but you can't be happy, not like this. Its...It's disguisting."

"No, you are! You raised me for 17 years and now your screaming in my face telling me what you think about me? _Thats _disguisting. Not me."

"Think of what your trying to tell us Santana! We can fix you!"

"You can't fix me when nothing is fucking wrong! Papi, say something!" For the first time, he looked up, looked at my tear filled eyes, and sighed.

"Language Santana. What do you want me to say? I agree with everything you're mother is telling you..."

My heart dropped when I heard him say that. He was always my hero, always the one who took care of me and rescued me when my mom was on one of her rampages. And now he just told me he thinks I'm disguisting, too.

"Maria, go upstairs. I'd like to...talk, with Santana. Alone. To see if maybe my worsd can fix her."

I faught back tears as my dad said this to my mom.

He walked up to me, grabbed both of my hands, tight enough to hurt, and looked directly into my eyes. They were like a forest fire. I'd never seen him like this. Except that time that he was drunk when I was eight. My blood ran cold as the memory flooded through me.

_He walked in my room, a beer bottle in one hand and his eyes shining with nothing but hatred. He came up to me, surprising me from the smell of the alchohol. I knew he was drunk most of the time, but he usually stayed away from the when he was. He began to yell at me with slurred words, blaming me for his fight with my mom. I didn't know what was going on. I didnt know what he was planning to do, until his open hand stuck my face. I looked up at him, silently crying, as he hit me again and again. He finished, seeming to realize what he had done, and ran out my room screaming "I'm sorry!" at the top of his lungs. He never laid a finger on me again. _

The only other time i'd seen that look in his eyes, he'd hit me. I knew what was coming, so i braced myself, sure it would come. He whispered,

"Words don't work for you? I heared from Ms. Puckerman that you like force. Don't think I don't know about you and Noah."

"Papi, please! Usted no puede vencer a los homosexuales de mí! No va a cambiar lo que soy! Por favor, papá!" **(A/N-Translation: You can't beat the gay out of me! It won't change who I am! Please dad!)** I yelled at him, pushing tears back down my throat. I'm Santana Fucking Lopez, and Santana doesn't show her feelings to anybody, except Britt. I didn't realize I had spoken in spanish until after the words came out, but usually it happened when I was really mad, and my dad knew it too. He just stared at me, and I knew that I needed to say something to make him understand. So, naturally, i said something that probably made the whole situation worse.

"Papa, I'm _gay._ You ca-" He cut me off, slapping me across the face. I felt the skin break from the ring on his finger. He seemed to mad to even realize what was going on but that didn't stop him. He threw his fist into my stomach, causing me to see stars as a dropped to my knee's. He looked at me expectedly, like i was supposed to say '_oops!Now that you beat the shit out of me, I remembered I'm straight! Thanks dad!" _Yeah right. I shook my head no, trying to tell him that you couldn't just _fix_ me for being gay. Everyone knows how much that didn't work for Karofsky and Azimio trying to _fix _Kurt. Even though Karofsky was just as gay as Kurt and I combined. And he was technically my boyfriend. He continued, hitting me here and there, blood and buises following his punches. By the end of his little _game_, I was lying on the floor, a bloody bruised up mess. He looked at me, and said,

"Well? Anything to say?"

I coughed, looked at him, and said as best i could,

"Only straight I am is straight up Bitch." Same thing I told Karofsky when I told him he was my boyfriend. He slammed his foot into my side, walking up the stairs, still muttering about my language. _Well, that went well. _ I muttered to myself before breaking out into tears, finally letting myself cry now that nobody was looking. I tell my parents this huge secret about me, and my mom takes it upon herself to to try and talk the gay out of me, while my dad tries a much more...violent aproach as he attempts to beat the gay out of me. If this is what coming out felt like, there was no way in hell I would. If _this_ was what coming out was, I'll die a closet lesbian. The pain in my stomach and side of my face was blinding, but I knew I needed to get out of this house before my dad came back downstairs. I used the stair railing to pull myself to my feet, slowly making my way over to the front door, when I realized I couldn't drive like this. Not when I could barely move. I'd probably kill myself. I collapsed onto the couch, pulling out my phone, and doing something I never had and probably will never do again. I clicked the first name in my phone, in my speed dials, and texted a message that said

'Help. My house." To whoever it was. I sincerely hoped it didn't end up being Brittany. I couldn't have her in my house while my dad was like this. If he did this to me, who says he wouldn't do anything to her? After the message sent, I let out a sigh of releif as i realized it was Puck. I remembered I had him in my speed dials in case i needed to call him quickly, to go over to his house to...okay, everyone know's we _were_ bed buddies. He let himself in, using the key under the mat like he always does, and whispered when he saw the lights off.

"Santana?" I pulled myself off the couch and wrapped my arms around him, silently sobbing into his shoulder, not even caring at the moment that I let me emotions show. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me in tighter. I gasped, as pain shot through my body. He looked at me confused.

"Are you- Oh my god. Santana, get in my car. NOW."

I stumbled into the passenger seat of the car, with Puck behind my trying to help.

"I can do this without you, Puckerman! I don't need you, I dont need anyone!" He knew I was just angry and taking it out on him, so he backed off without words, getting into the drivers seat and driving me to his house in silence. We pulled into the driveway, me climbing out of the car, walking into his house and laying on the couch while he parked. He came inside, sitting next to me on the couch, and asked,

"Santana, what happened?" He seemed shocked. He knew as well as everyone in the school that NOone messed with Santana Lopez. I got in a fight with Quinn the first day of school and totally kicked her ass in the hallway. Plus all the fights when I was little, defending Britts, the only person ever to actually take me down was Lauren, but she had an unfair advantage on me. So, people usually left me alone. Thats why Puck seemed so surprised when he realized not only did somebody have the guts to try and fight me but they actually won.

"Puck, if I tell you something, do you swear not to tell anyone? Not even Quinn?" Over the summer, Puck and Lauren broke up, something about Lauren finding out who Puck was still in love with. So Puck and Quinn got back together, but Lauren is still friends with them all.

"Just tell me." I couldn't tell him everything right now. I couldn't tell him why my dad did this to me.

"It was my dad." I felt his body tense beside me, the look on his face was almost enough to make me scared, if I didn't know him so well.

"Don't worry, Puck, I'm fine."

"Doesn't look like it to me. Why'd he do it?"

"I, uh, can't tell you that part. At least not yet anyways."

He knew better than to push me when I was like this. He simply nodded, whipping his head around when he heard the garage door open.

"Shit! My mom's home! You gotta go!"

"I can't go home! Please, don't take me back there. Puck, I- I can't go home." He looked into my eyes, and finally nodded, taking my hand and pulling me over to his mom. She looked surprised to see me.

"Santana, honey, what are you doing here so late. It's almost 10:00..." I looked at Puck waiting for his response.

"Mom, is it okay if Santana stays here tonight? She can stay in the guest room..." Puck asked his mom.

"Noah, you have a girlfriend. You can't have other girls sleep over while you're dating someone else."

"Mom, she's friends with Quinn. And I promise, nothing is going to happen. It's just that she needs a place to stay tonight." I almost smiled when he said 'friends with Quinn.' as if.

"Well, okay. For one night. But remember Noah, I'm on the same hall as you, and you guys were never quiet. So I'll know." I faught back a laugh as Puck's face turned red.

"Mom!"

"Goodnight kids." She smiled at us and went upstairs.

I pulled Puck over to the couch, and leaned on his chest as he turned on the T.V. I wasn't trying to _do_ anything. It just felt nice to be up against him, someone who I know loves me for me. So feeling him up against me, so close, it jsut felt nice. Not as nice as-

"Shit! Puck give me your phone!" He handed it to me confused. Mine was dead, so I needed his. I rolled my eyes at the picture he used for Brittany's contact. It was one of us making out at a party, both extremely drunk. It rang a few times before Britts voice said,

"Hold on Puck, I need to find my phone. I think Lord Tubbington took it again." I giggled as I listened to her searching her room.

"Okay, found it! Sorry Puck, I can't come over. San says I can't come over while you're dating Quinn."

"Its okay Britt. I don't need you to come over."

"San? Why are you using Puck's phone?"

"I'm at his house and mine died." I regretted the words the second they came out of my mouth. She would think we were doing something, which we definitely weren't.

"San, if that means it's a no, then- I can't do this. Bye Santana. I love you, but I can't do this. No more friends, no more bed buddies. It's done." I dropped his phone on the floor, feeling like my heart exploded. My brain was numb. I subconsiously wrapped my arms around Puck's neck as he stood in front of me, crying enough to soak his shirt. I did all this for her, and she just left me. WIthout Brittany, my life meant almost nothing.

**A/N: Next chapter some Quinntana friendship, more Pucktana, and maybe a few other people from Glee Club. Please Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N-Thanks soooo much for those who reviewed! It means alot. Hope you all enjoy the next chapter (: Oh! also, i forgot about this in the begining. oops! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters. It's on my bucket list though xD**

"Santana, please, come on. Just tell me what's wrong." Puck whispered while stroking my back, trying to calm me down.

"I- I can't Puck. I just can't. I did it for Britt, but now, she- she-" I broke into a new round of tears, causing another sigh from Puck as he tried to figure out what was wrong.

"Santana," He started, grabbing my hands and looking straight into my eyes, "you and I have been friends for years. Longer than you and Britt. We grew up together, and we really were best friends until Middle School happened. Then we had our...uhh...experiences, dating and the...the _other_ things. But truly, I've always been there for you, no matter what happened, and even when we were fighting we stuck up for eachother. You know I love you. Not in the way that I love Quinn, but I do love you. And I don't like seeing you like this. I want to help, but I can't say the right things if you don't tell me what's wrong. I know you like staying closed off, but if this is so serious you came to me instead of Britt, then you need to tell someone what's going on. Please Santana, just let me help you." I'd never heard so many words come out of his mouth at one time. I stared at him, shocked that he even _knew_ that many different words, let alone how to put them together in not only one sentence but an entire paragraph. I decided that other than Britt, if I couldn't trust Puck, I couldn't trust anybody.

"Noah, do you _swear _on your fucking life that if I tell you this, you will not tell anybody?" He shook his head, agreeing, startled that I called him by his first name. Only Berry did that.

"I will fucking kill you, and I mean it, if you tell a single damn person you know. Got it?" He stood up, starting to seem a little cautious, but finally he said,

"Oh don't worry Santana, I _know_ you would kill me." A small smile crept across my lips. I stood up across from him, about two feet away, and took a deep breath.

"Puck, I know this might be weird for you, but I-" I swallowed air, my lungs closing up. I began to panic, last time I told somebody my little secret I got the crap beat out of me. But Puck would never do that, would he? Then again, he used to bully Kurt for being gay...on the other hand, so did I.

"I'm a lesbian." I waited for him to say something, like to tell me to leave, or maybe to hit me across the face like my dad did. Instead, he stepped forward, wrapping me into a tight hug.

"I will make your dad wish he never did this." He whispered into my ear.

"Don't, Puck. I'm fine, really."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" I paused, unsure of how to answer.

"I was afraid. Hell, I still _am_ afraid. Afraid of all the looks, the talks, the whispers. I didn't want people to start messing with me."

"You're Santana fucking Lopez! Nobody would mess with you. Besides, they lay a finger on you and I'll be back in Juvie so fast for beating up those jerks."

"I love you too Puck." I smiled into his chest as he pulled me down onto the couch.

"What made you decide to do it? You know, come out to your parents?"

"Brittany." I barely said it loud enough to understand.

"You love her, don't you?" He looked at me when he said that. I just nodded my head.

"Come on, let's go to bed." He carefully pulled me up the stairs behind him, into his bedroom. I looked at him confused. Wasn't I supposed to sleep in the guest room? He pulled into the bed beside him, laughing at the look on my face.

"Oh my god, Santana. I'm not going to do anything. Just lay down." He rolled his eyes.

I carefully crawled into bed next to him, as he whispered goodnight to me and rolled over. It seemed uncomfortable the first few minutes, but after a while, it felt nice to know someone who truly cared about me was laying next to me. I dont remember falling asleep, but I remember the awful nightmare that followed.

_"What's going on Britt-Britt?" I asked, trying to grab her hands, but she pushed me off. _

_ "Get away from me! That's disguisting!" She screamed in my face. I didn't understand what was happening. Didn't she tell me she loved me? _

_ "I- I don't understand." _

_ "You never understand anything, San! Ever! No means NO! Now leave me alone!"_

_I ran out of her house and into my father, who beat me right there int front of Brittany's house, her watching but not saying anything. He left me there, Britt slammed the door, and I had no where to go._

I woke up, panicing. What if that really happens? What if she really does reject me again? I looked around for Puck but he must of left. I grabbed his phone off the nightstand, calling Kurt for some reason. He answered,

"Uh, Puck? Why are you calling me?"

"It's Santana."

"Oh, well that makes much more sense." He said sarcastically.

"Just answer my fucking question."

"You haven't asked one..."

"Oh, right. Well, did Blaine ever reject you? When you told him how you felt about him, did he ever push you away or, I dont know, hypothetically, call you disguisting.?"

"Well, no. Not really. Why?"

"Oh okay. Yeah, uh, thanks Kurt. No reason, bye."

I hung up the phone, asking myself why i decided to call Kurt randomly. When I noticed Puck wasn't home, I assumed he went to Quinn's house so I decided I'd take a shower and try to get cleaned up. I never knew how painful it'd be. I noticed the bruises down my stomach first. It was like I was splattered with blue and purple paint down my stomach and sides. My face had a scab from where my dad's ring cut into my skin, and my nose seemed a little swollen from another hit there. I pretty much looked like a mess. _A hot mess_ I told myself. I got out of shower, surprised at the smell over powering the house. Making my way downstairs, I saw Puck actually _cooking._ I know, it surprised me too. The only other time i'd ever seen him make something edible was at that Glee Bakesale our Sophmore year. After we ate, Puck and I watched a few movies. Around 7 or 8, right before sunset. He looked out the window and practically dragged me to his car.

"We better get over to Britts house right now!" I laughed at how excepting Puck was. He didnt care about what I was, he just cared that I be who I really am. He seemed so excited to get me and Britt together, even though it must be awkward to find out that his ex-girlfriend/bed-buddy was gay after all. He drove me to Brittany's house, explaining to me how I was going to do this.

"Is there a song Brittany really likes, or one you can think of that would explain your guy's frienship? Anything?" I thought for a while, when I remembered our duets competition, before them mistake I like to call 'Stubbles McCripple Pants'. She prefered the term 'Artie'.

"Yeah, there's one that she wanted to sing with me while ago, but we never actually did."

"Perfect."

When we got to her house, I climbed the tree in Britts backyard, with Puck controlling the music in the car. I sat in her window sill, trying to be silent so she would't turn around. Britt always left her window open, so I sat inside waiting for the music to start so I could begin to sing.

"Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon. Come to my window, I'll be home soon." I started off. My voice shaking with nerves. Brittany turned around, so that she was facing me.  
>"I would dial the numbers, just to listen to your breath. I would stand inside my hell, and hold the hand of death. You don't know how far I'd go, to ease this precious ache. You don't know how much I'd give, or how much I can take." Brittany just stared at me.<br>"Just to reach you, just to reach you, just to reach you."

"San?" Brittany practically whispered. I smiled and nodded my head, happy she didn't push me out of her window or something like that.  
>"Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon. Come to my window, I'll be home soon." Brittany opened her mouth and joined me singing for the rest of the song.<br>"Keeping my eyes open, I cannot afford to sleep. Giving away promises, I know that I can't keep. Nothing fills the blackness, that has seeped into my chest. I need you in my blood, I am forsaking all the rest. Just to reach you...Just to reach you. Oh to reach you." Our voices sounded perfect together. I could slightly hear Puck singing along with us, standing on Brittany's porch.  
>"Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon. Come to my window, I'll be home soon." Britt grabbed my hands and pulled me inside of her bedroom. She stopped singing, letting me take the next part to sing by myself, since it applied more to me, how I feel about things <em>now.<em>  
>"I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say, what do they know about this love anyway?" She cried as I sung those words.<br>"Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon. Come to my window, I'll be home soon..." I ended the song with tear filled eyes. She jumped off her bed, pulling me into a hug, letting me know that she understood what was going on, what I was telling her. Peope don't usually think Brittany's all that smart, with her random comments and her take on most things. But me? I think she's just one of the smartest people I know.

"Uh guys? Can you, like, come back down here? Cause' I think you're neighbors are starting to get suspicious about me just standing here for a while. And I know you're parents don't like me Britt!" Puck called up from to Brittany's window. She ran over to the window, pulling me behind her.

"Why's he here?" She asked cautiously.

"I told you Britts, I was at his house last night. I told my parents, and my dad _really _didn't like what he heard," I pulled up my shirt a little bit to show her the bruises, and indicated to the spots on my face.

"So I went to Puck's house. I knew that other than you, he was the only person I could really trust and I couldn't just stay home after what my dad did. That's what I called to tell you last night, B." She just stared at my stomach, shocked, even though my shirt was down. She just knew the bruises were there and couldn't take her eyes off.

"I'm fine though Britt. Really. I'm okay. And I'm ready to tell everyone else too." I tried to convince her.

"Santana! Brittany! Will you guys _please_ get your asses down here!" Puck yelled again. We both ignored him.

"I'm so sorry San. I never should have made you come out if you weren't ready."  
>"I don't think I ever would have been ready Britt. I'm glad you made me do it. Now, school starts Monday, and I'm gonna tell Glee Club. I'm not entirely ready to tell the whole school yet, but I'll get there. Oh, and speaking of school. Shit, I forgot, I gotta dump Karofsky and then tell everyone he's gay. Oh well, I guess that's what Monday is for."<p>

"San, that's mean."

"Hey, only straight I am is straight up bitch." (_Thats got to be my new saying or something, 'cause damn, that's the truth!) _I told her. Just because I'm going to come out of the closet, didn't mean I couldn't still be the honest bitch i've always been. Besides, I have to get Karofsky back some way for what he did to Kurt. Kurt might forive him, but I sure don't.

**A/N-Thanks for reading! Pleaaase don't forget to review. Like I said, I was going to put some Quintanna, but it just seemed like this was a good place to end this chapter, and I dont want to make them too long..so next chapter I PROMISE some Quinntana friendship. Sorry about that! And also, the song is 'Come to my Window' but Melissa Etheridge, since Brittany suggested that they sing that song in the duets competition. Thanks for reading, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N-Sorry for not updating in a while...the school week started and I had two projects I had to work on instead! But, i think you'd rather read this than read whatever I have to say, if you even take the time to read this at all, sooo, enjoy (: Also, one new character this chapter, thats's not in the show. I wasn't planning it, but it just sort of happened. let me know if i should keep him in the following chapters or if i should just make him dissapear? thanks for your input! PLEASE review! **

I stared at myself in the mirror, taking in everything about me. For one, I saw the familiar white and red cheerios uniform hugging my body, my black hair back in a ponytail, just like every other cheerio in the school. But instead of my usually hard and unreadable expression, I looked scared and childlike, which is an understatement to how I felt. Today school was starting, and that just terrified me. I know what you're thinking. _Santana Lopez? Scared to go to SCHOOL? She rules that place..._but that's not what I'm afraid for. I know things would start off normal, me walking in with Quinn and Britt, like always, to show everyone there that us three still had control of everything and everyone in that place. I'd probably slushie a freshmen and slam one into a locker before first period, getting a dissapointed look from Brittany and a few words from Quinn. Then Britt and I would probably ditch first period, show up for maybe half of second...not really go to any of our classes, besides Spanish, because, and I'll deny it if anyone ever finds out, but I really want to see Mr. Schue. He's probably the only teacher in the school that actually cares about me, besides Ms. Holliday, but she's just a substitute. Sue doesn't even really like me, I'm just a good cheerleader and I do what she wants, unless if involves destroying glee club,which I just pretend to do. I'm starting to actually like, and, beleive it or not, _trust_ some of the kids in the club. Plus, i discovered that not only did i really enjoy singing, I'm actually pretty good at it. And, I really trust Mr. Schue. I didn't even know that word was in my vocabulary. But things were going to be alot different today. I'd dump Karofsky, tell everyone he's gay, maybe, depending on my mood, but once glee club started everything would change. I took a deep breath, trying to change how scared I looked before walking downstairs to get in the car with Quinn.

"You okay, Santana? You look a little, I don't know, like you have feelings." Quinn joked as I climbed in the passenger seat. Quinn must've realized I was serious when I didn't spit something back at her about having a lizard baby.

"You have pink hair." I pointed out dumbly. But it was true. She really dyed her hair pink and cut it really short.

"Uh, seriously Santana. I don't think you've even shown ANY emotion except when you're mad or when your drunk, which I'm pretty sure you're neither right now. You okay?"

I looked Quinn directly in the eyes, noticing for the first time since we were like eight how pretty her eyes were. Not like Brittany's, where I'd get lost just looking into her eyes, but until this moment I never realized how pretty Quinn really was. Not trying to have a whole lesbian moment there, I just meant it in a friend way, but she really was beautiful. Even though she looked way better with blonde hair rather than the short pink hair.

Something about how distraught I was must have made it slip out.

"You're pretty." I mentally killed myself right then and there, for saying something so stupid, random, and completely un-santana like. Quinn looked at me funny.

"That's probably the WORST insult I have ever heard. Santana, come on. We don't need to get to school two hours early. Sue can teach the freshmen cheerios herself."

"No, let's just go to school." I mumbled looking at my feet.

"Santana, we're not going anywhere 'till you tell me what's wrong!"

"Just get me to fucking school right now Fabray, or I will go all Lima Heights on your ass!" As if a second thought, I added, "Again!"

"Don't even try that Santana. I know you better than that. I bet right now you probably couldn't go 'all Lima Heights' on a fly. You look like you're about to fall over and die or something. Usually on the first day of school you dress like your preparing to get laid, now, even your skirt is pulled down just as low as the rest of us. You don't look like you, and even when something is wrong with you, you never seem this..." She struggled in lack of words.

"Confused? Upset? Emotional? Like a real fucking _person?_" I helped her out.

"um, yeah. But the only other time I've seen you anywhere close to this was last year. Right around the time Ms. Holliday left. And I know you think I'm a stupid bitch, but don't think I can't peice things together. I know you have feelings, even though you try to hide them. And I know last time you were this upset, you and Britt weren't speaking. so, does this have something to do with Brittany?" I shook my head no immediately. She seemed to have a whole speech prepared for this. I tried to look at her to say something, but as soon as she said Britts name, I couldn't stop the tears.

I just looked over to her, tears streaming down my face, and choked out,

"Just drive the fucking car, Q"

"You know we have to go pick up Brittany, right? And she's going to know better than I do that something is up with you. Wouldn't you rather get it off your chest now? You know you're going to end up saying it as soon as Brittany gives you those puppy dog eyes, right?

"Fine, Fabray, you win." Quinn stared at me, shocked that I gave in that easy.

"Okay, well, I know that I pretty much use everyone in this world that can possibly be used, even your ex-boyfriend...okay ex-boyfriend_s_." I added the 's' because I'd slept with every guy she dated, well, except Sam, he was never really over Quinn. But I did date him. She nodded, wondering where this was possibly going.

"Well, there's this...this person. That I want for things, other than just-" She cut me off.

"I know what you mean, just continue." She stated, slighty grossed out, which improved my day just a little bit more.

"Well, I- I'm in love with someone, Q. And it will only work out if I tell everyone about my feelings, but you know how I am with opening up to people. So, I'm afraid, of telling everybody for what might happen."

Quinn looked at me, confused. She tried to put her hand on my knee, to tell me something that would probably be meant to be reassuring but I'd yell at her anyways, when I pushed her hand away, somehow managing to slam her hand into my still _very_ bruised side. I gasped in air, as pain shot through me.

"Santana, I think there's alot more to this than what your telling me. And what about Karofsky? Are you still dating him?"

"Well, yeah. But, he's gay. I'm going to break up with him today."

She started laughing harder than I've ever heard her laugh in my life.

"_Karafsky? Gay?_ There is NO way!" I smiled a little bit, at how Quinn found it funny. Maybe I could tell her about me, she'd just act a little surprised and then say something completely off topic. Not like Britts off topic statements, she went to another deminsion when her mind wandered, but Quinn would just say something in another ball park, to make it less awkward. But I decided she'd just have to find out today with the rest of glee club.

"Yeah, he's just about as gay as Kurt and-" I stopped myself, almost saying 'Kurt and I combined' , but instead I said, "and...Blaine combined."

"Wow. I kind of feel bad for him. You're not going to tell everybody are you?"

"Q, I'm Santana Fucking Lopez, why the hell wouldn't I?"

"Because you don't seem very much like _Santana Fucking Lopez_ right now." She said, trying to fake the same ghetto accent I do, except without as much success.

"Just, wait 'till Glee Club today, okay?" I said more as an order than as a question.

"Santana, just one more thing and then I swear we'll go pick up Brittany and go to school without me saying another word." I looked at her unconvinced.

"And you can slushie a freshman." She added.

"I don't need your damn permission, Fabray. I'll slushie those fucking freshmen if I want." I rolled my eyes.

"Not if you don't want Sue to find out. You know how she is with us slushying kids the first day." I looked at her for a second, remembering our sophmore year when I slushied a freshmen on the first day and Sue found out, suspending me from the team for two weeks. She didn't want Figgins to find out this early in the year, and Sue always went overboard with her punishments.

"And lock a kid in the locker?" I tried. After a while, Quinn said,

"Fine. _If_ you tell me what's wrong with you."

"Theres alot wrong with me, Q. You know that."

"Okay, i meant what's wrong with you physically. I didn't hit you that hard, and you seemed like you forgot how to breath or something."

I gulped, decided I'd just show her. As I started pulling up my cheerios top to show her the bruise, she grabbed my hand and said,

"Really, Lopez? Answer the question, stop taking off your clothes. Maybe you and Britt prefer to have your conversations with no shirts on, but _please_, not everybody likes you better with your clothes off."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring her, pulling up my cheerios top anyways, to reveal the big blue mark on my side.

"Oh my god, Santana! What happened?" She seemed confused.

"Like I said, I'm afraid of what will happen once everyone knows the person I'm in love with. My dad sure as hell didn't like who it was."

"Your- Your _dad_ hit you?"

"Q, it takes more than one hit to leave a bruise that big. Look at this too." I leaned in really close to her, showing her the raised skin around my nose and under my eyes concealed from layers of makeup.

"Oh, well, damn, = I see why you're afraid to tell anyone who it is. At least you know that no one at this school could take you, except Lauren. But she doesnt have a guy for you to possibly steal, so i wouldn't worry about her. Looks like you should only be worried if you're in love with Jesse. An angry Berry is not something I'd like to see."

"An angry Berry would be like me fighting a midget lawn gnome or something. Aren't there laws against that?"

"Since when do you care about laws, S?" She laughed starting the car.

"Since my dad made one about being homosexual..." I murmed so quiet Quinn wouldn't be able to hear me.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing. Just drive." I told her. And just like that, we were back to our normal bitchy selves, forgetting anything in the past few minutes had ever happened.

"Goodmorning, San, Pink-Haired-Quinn!" Brittany said excitdely as she climbed into the back seat of the car. I smiled at what she called Quinnn.

"Morning." Quinn responded casually as she pulled out of the driveway.

"Goodmorning Britts." I said in such a 'love sick' voice that even Quinn turned around to look at me. I tried to change the subject before she asked any questions. I couldn't say yes right now if she asked, but I couldn't say no while Britt was back there either.

"I'm gonna break up with Karofsky today." I tried to start a light conversation.

"You already said that." Quinn pointed out.

"Yeah, San! You told me thursday while you were in my window that you were going to dump him and tell everyone that he's gay, and then when I told that that's mean you said that the only stra-" I cut her off before she told Quinn everything that happened while i was 'in her window' thursday, with Puck yelling at us ftom the porch. Yeah, she didn't know i'd spent alot of the week at _her_ boyfriends house either. I think she might just get a little mad, consider our _history_.

"Yeah Britts. Thanks. I remember telling you guys now." The rest of the drive was made in awkward silence.

"Ready guys?" Quinn asked, as we pulled up to WIllaim McKinnly high school.

"Hell yeah, Q. Im ready to fucking rule this place. It's our senior year. We gotta make this count." I responded. We looked at brittany, waiting for her to say something.

"Lord Tubbington tried to read my diary again today." She said as if it made perfect sense to anyone else listening. Quinn and I were so used to her random comments, that we both just nodded and headed into the school. I slushied the first freshman i saw, anxious to get it out of my system. Brittany looked at me dissapointed, but I explained to her what I was doing.

"Britts, I made a deal with Quinn. This is just my reward." I tried to tell her nicely. She just shrugged and ran off to go find "Kurtie" as she calls him. Apparently she liked playing with his hair and talking to him about 'Blaze'. One kid with short blonde hair and bright blue eyes walked up to me. I wanted so shove him in locker for just looking at me, but as soon as a saw how similar his eyes were to brittany's, I just couldn't make myself be mean to the kid.

"Um, excuse me? Do you know how to get the Spanish room? With mr...mr. Schuester?" He asked, mangling mr. schues name. he pronounced it 'Mr. Scu est er'

"It's Schuester," I told him, saying it correctly. "and you can just follow me. I've got first period next door to his room."

The boy looked at me with pure happiness. Quinn looked at me shocked.

"Once second, sweetie." She told the boy, pulling me into a corner and whisper yelling at me,

"What are you planning to do to that poor kid?"

"Taking him to Spanish like i said!"

"Why are you being nice to him?" She asked.

"He...he reminds me of...of Sam. I miss him." I told her. Sam left our school unexpectedly over the summer. She looked at me unconvinced, but finally walked off to go find her jerk of a boyfriend. You know, the one I'd probably be alone and homeless without, barking at Brittany's mom and who knows who else like Patches.

"Okay kid, this way." I told she short boy, leading him to Mr. Schue's room.

"My name's Noah! Are you a cheerleader? Do you think I could be on the football team?" He seemed so excited.

"You missed tryouts." I said simply. He sighed, chasing after me as i started to walk faster.

"What's your name?" He asked me. I responded by grabbing a shorter kid by the collar of his shirt, dragging him to the first locker I saw, opened it (yeah, opening other peoples lockers is one of my many talents.) I slammed the door shut with the kid inside and walked off feeling much better about myself.

"Santana Lopez."

"Santana-" I cut him him.

"To you its Ms. B-i-t-c-h."

He looked at my funny and kept walking.

"Theres the Spanish room." I pointed.

"You're not going to class?" He asked as a I started to walk out of the hallway.

"Probably not. First periods are not my thing. You got a hell of alot to learn about this fucking hell hole."

"Can I come with you?"

"NO." I said walking away to go find some of my friends- okay fine, _Brittany,_ before I felt like going to class.

"Hey, Lopez! Looking hot! My place, 11:00, back to school party!" I heard a familiar voice yell down the hallway.

"Bring the alchohol Puckerman and you know I'm there!" I shouted without turning around. It's funny how much our relationship changed from at his house to at school. And that's just the way I like it. Just as my day was starting to perk up, I turned around the corner to find Artie talking to Brittany. MY Brittany. And she was laughing. And he was smiling. _THINK LOPEZ THINK! _I yelled at myself. I walked down the hallway, pushing Artie's wheelchair back as a descended down the hall.

"Britts, my locker, NOW." I told her without turning around. I heard her footsteps following me down the hallway.

"What were you doing with Stubbles McCripples Pants?" I slammed my locker shut, shaking. What if they were dating again?

"Relax, San." She told me, taking my hand. I immediately glanced around the hall to make sure it was empty. And once I realized nobody was there, I really did relax. The halls cleared out a few minutes ago when the bell rang.

"I just, I thought maybe you guys were together again. And it scared me."

"Santana, I'm done with Artie. I promise. After today, just when you tell glee club, It's jsut me and you. Okay?"

"Okay." I melted into her hug, smiling into her strawberry scented hair. We walked down the empty hallway hand in hand. _One day_ i thought, _one day it will be crowded hallway when we can walk down it hand in hand. _I smiled as a softly began to sing to her as we walked down the hallway to first period (if we didnt get ...distracted.) , at least 15 minutes after the bell rang. Not that the teacher would care. The teachers learned to stop asking why me and Britt are always tardy halfway through our freshmen year. They didn't usually like the answers. Sometimes they involved boys in the bathroom, sometimes boys in the locker room, hell, once it was a boy in the hallway. I'd never forget the look on Ms. Pillsbury's face when she walked down the hall on that one. As we strolled down the hallway, i softly began to sing to Britt.

"_It's not so easy loving me, it gets so complicated. All the things you gotta be, everything's changing. But you're the truth, I'm amazed by all your patience. Everything I put you through. "_

Brittany looked at me, with a big smile on her face, urging me to continue singing. I pulled her into the choir room, not at all surprised when Brad began to play the piano to my song.

_"When I'm about to fall, somehow you're always waiting with your open arms to catch me. You're gonna save me from myself, from myself, yes, you're gonna save me from myself._

Ooh, whoa yes, mmmm."

I almost forgot the words as i heard another voice join in with me. I wanted to turn, to see who it was, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Brittany. The voice sounded familiar, but I just enjoyed how good our voices harmonized as we continues singing the song.

_"My love is tainted by your touch, well, alot of guys have shown me aces. But you've got that royal flush. I know it's crazy everyday, well, tomorrow may be shaky. But you never turn away._

Don't ask me why I'm crying, 'cause then I start to crumble. You know how to keep me smiling.  
>You always save me from myself, from myself, myself, you're gonna save me from myself.<p>

_I know it's hard, it's hard, but you've broken all my walls. You've been my strength, so strong."_

I turned around to see Ms. Holliday standing at the door smiling at Britt and I.

**A/N-Thanks for reading PLEASE review! and Let me know what you think so far...The song is **_  
><em>**'Save me from myself' By christina aguilera. And the reference to patches is from the mattress episode when brittany tells kurt that patches barks at her mom, in case nobodyy remembered. My friend didn't so thats why i decided to make note of that down here haha. Hopefully i'll be able to update again this week! DONT FORGET TO REVIEW PLEASE! and i appreciate all your ideas so pleeaase tell me anything you got to say!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Thanks for reading and thank you to those who took the time ro review i REALLY appreciate it (: enjoyyy! Oh, and about Quinn still being on the cheerios, im not sure if shes gonna be in season 3 but i just put it to where she is still in the cheerios in this story since britt and santana went back. soo yeaaah..aha enjoyy.(;**

"Ms. Holliday!" Britt and I yelled at the same time, running over to great her. She smiled at us, and walked over the Brad by the piano. Ever since the three of us sang 'Landslide' we've had a special connection to her. Other than Brittany, she was the first one to know about me.

"What are you doing here? Does the sex-ed teacher have mono again?" I asked her. Not that I wasn't glad to see her, it was just that she usually only filled in when another teacher was gone.

"No, not the sex-ed teacher. Close guess though, Santana. It's Mr. Schue. "

"You're fucking with me! There's no way Mr. Schue has mono!" I yelled, glancing over at Brittany who was staring intently at an uncomfortable looking Brad. In the back of my mind I wondered if she'd ever noticed him before.

"And I bet you'll never guess who gave it to him."

I looked at her, waiting for her to tell me who it was.

"Emma Pillsbury."

"No _fucking_ way! They're back together?"

"I guess so." She sighed and I wondered if she still had some kind of feelings for him.

"Wow..." I wasn't sure what to say. I paced around the choir room for a while, thinking of something to say. It was weird standing in here, with Brittany staring down Brad, and Ms. Holliday lost in thought about who knows what.

"wait, if you're subbing for Mr. Schue, shouldn't you be in his class right now? You know, subbing?" I pointed out to her.

"I dont know Santana. If your at school, shouldnt you be in class, you know, learning?" I laughed as i realized how ironic it was for the three of us to be inside of the choir room right now. I grabbed Britts hand as i pulled her down the hallway with ms. holliday trailing behind us. I could feel her eyes on our hands.

"No, not yet." i said out loud, knowing what she was about to ask us. I heard her sigh, but she didn't say anything and I knew she wouldn't tell anybody. She turned into her classroom, yelling,

"Hola, clase!" loudly.

Britt and I walked into our class quietly, hoping the teacher wouldnt say anything about us being late on the first day. Like usual, he made eye contact and then looked away awkardly without saying a word. He introduced himself as Mr. Pike, our science-liking-bird-studying-classical-music-loving-history -teacher. Not that I was really paying attention. Just as he opened his mouth to say something probably boring and useless to us, Sue burst through the door, dragging..._no way. _Dragging _Quinn Fabray_ by her short pink hair into our classroom.

"B, Lopez, My office! NOW!" She yelled. Britt looked nervous, but the look of fear on Quinn's face almost had me laughing. We followed her down the hallway in silence, as i wondered if i'd actually have a chance to even go to class today. I laughed to myself as I saw Puck standing outside of a classroom, next to a small boy who was crying. the teacher was whispering to puck, in a angry tone. Puck ignored the teacher and gave me a thumbs up as he saw me walk past him next to brittany. I smirked at him, winning and irritated and jealous glance from Quinn who noticed that he didnt even acknowledge that she was there. That just improved me day so much. Hey, if you know me at all you know how much joy i get from other peoples misery.

"What is this?" Sue screeched, with a fist-full of Quinn's hair.

"Hair." Brittany said casually, missing the sarcasm in sue's voice.

"Be more specific." She looked at me.

"_Quinn's_ hair." I tried, recieving a scowl from her.

She stood up, releasing Quinn's hair. A look of relief spread across Quinn's face as she rubbed the spot Sue was pulling. Only now did I realize that she didn't have a look of fear, it was a look of pain. Sue was pulling her hair pretty hard.

"Do you want Tweedle mcfake boobs to run the school again?" Sue spat at Quinn. She seemed prepared for this as she pulled a book out of her cheerbag that said, _'William McKinnely High School: Sports and Athletics Rules"_ Sue didn't look the slightest bit fazed that her head cheerleader carried rulebooks around with her everywhere. I realized why when i noticed her collections of rulebooks in the shelf behind her. Ranging from _Show Choir Competition Rules, _and _High School Football Games Rule Book_, to _Cheerleadering Rules (and loopholes)_ which made everything make much more sense, and about a dozen other rule books to random sports and events and the brainiacs.

"Right here, -" Sue cut her off saying,

"Page 654, section 6 line 9. Read it, Q."  
>Quinn sighed as she started,<p>

"In any extracurricular activity, the coach or teacher has the right to suspend members from the team for whatever reason they feel needs to be punishable."

"There, see that Q? I think dying your beautiful blonde hair this color is punishable by one year of suspension from this cheerio's team! Your leaving sandbags here to be hear cheerio, do you want that again?" I rolled my eyes as she made it sound like me being head cheerio was such a bad thing.

"But coach, look at this." She flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for.

"Students may not be dispanded from any sports or other activity based on their skin color, hair color, religion, sex, sexuality, or ethnic background etc. You can't kick me off the team for my hair color, I checked. And I talked with Figgins this morning just to be sure."

"Fine, Q. But don't think I couldn't have kicked you off the squad if I wanted to. I just didn't want to have Boobs McGee as head cheerio."

"Okay, what the _hell!_ I thought we got over this boob job thing last year! What was so bad about me being the HBIC for once? God knows Quinn doesn't have what it takes anymore. You let her be on top after she gets herself knocked up, quits the team, then comes back and fucking dyes her hair pink? But all i did was get a fucking boob job and thats not enough for you?" I finally cut in.

"Language Santana!" But she didn't answer my questions so I assumed she didn't have an answer, she just liked Quinn better than me.

"So, why am I here, if all you did was yell at Q and trash talk how bad of a head cheerio i was? Why are me and Britts here?" I changed the subject.

"Good question. I thought you would end up head cheerio so i needed you here for that and B just follows you wherever you go so i thought it would be best to have her here too. Now ladies, I'm going to have to ask you to smell your armpits for this. This was not my idea of a good first day at school."

We all made a disguisted face as we lifted up our arms to smell our armpits, like Sue told us to do.

"Girls, practice today, right after school. We're getting back into shape today. 300 situps, pushups, and i want laps till at least half the squad has puked!"

"What! coach!" Quinn whined.

"C'mon coach! what the hell is up with you today! you seem like even more of a bitch than usual!" I told her.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be lord tubbington..." Brittany said to no one in particular.

Sue looked at her as I tried not to laugh.

"Yeah, okay...well I'll see you guys at practice. S, I want you to look for some new recruits, remember NO fatties. Now get you unripen chest fuit out of my office!"

We all stood up and walked out of her office, more than confused.

"Hey, Q. Did you know Ms. Pillsbury gave Mr. Schue mono?" Brittany started telling Quinn. The look on her face was priceless. We all laughed walking down the hallway, but i could still tell Quinn was mad that Puck said hi to me instead of her.

"Do you guys really feel like going to first period?" Quinn asked us.

I stared at her shocked. Quinn was usually the kind of girl that barely ever ditched class, got straight a's, president of the celibisy club, well you get the idea. But i shrugged as the three of us headed into the girls bathroom. I realized we all three had spanish together, like we had since freshman year. Almost all of us glee kids had spanish together, which is ironic how that works, especially since Mr. Schue was the teacher in that class. He probably had something to do with us all getting spanish the same period. Once the bell rang, we heard kids shuffle out into the hallway.

Quinn walked out of the bathroom without saying a word.

"San, what did you do at Puck's house?" She asked seriously, out of no where.

"I promise we didn't do anything B. He hugged me alot, but that was because I really needed it. Alot of people don't realize it, but we're really good friends. I stayed the night for two days, and, okay, yeah we slept together, but not like that, just...in the same bed. All we did was sleep though. I promise you _nothing_ happened." I told her quietly. It didn't seem like anyone was near us, but why did I have the feeling that someone was watching me?

"Ready to go to spanish?" I asked Britt. She nodded and smiled as we headed towards Mr. Schue's room, excited to see Ms. Holliday.

"Hola Clase!" She greeted us once we all sat down.

I heard Mercedes whisper somthing that sounded alot like "It's the salad lady!" to Kurt. We all smiled and said hello to her. We were supposed to tell her about our summer vacation, in spanish, but I was the only one who could do it correctly. Considering spanish was my first language.

"Hey." Kurt said, walking up to me and britt. I only then noticed that he was with Blaine.

"What are _you_ doing here, Warbler? Come to spy?" I asked him.

"I go here now. So now its Mr. New Directions to you." He laughed.

"Hell to the no!" I heard Mercedes yell as Artie whispered something to her. I gave Arite the "I hate you and wish you were dead" look as best I could from this distance. He was the only one that stayed away from me and Britt.

"So, Porcelain," I started, using the nickname Sue use's for him, "you going to be a cheerio this year?"

He shook his head no, saying,

"I think I'm just going to be in Glee this year..." After class we all filed out of the room, but I stayed behind to ask Ms. Holliday a question.

"Ms. Holliday?" I asked, already regretting it. She turned around facing me.

"Um, do you think once Mr. Schue gets back, you could sing a song with me? You know, to Brittany. I don't think I can do this by myself."

"Of course. What song?"

"I don't know yet. But I'll find one." She smiled at me as I walked out of the classroom. The second I walked out the door, I was slammed into a locker. I was just about to go all Lima Heights on whoever it was, when pain shot through my body. The locker door was open and the corner slammed straight into my bruised side. I felt sick, as i opened my eyes, staring into the angry green eyes of Quinn Fabray.

**A/N- Let me know what you think! This chapter was kind of boring i know, but the next one will be good i promise! PLEASE REVIEW! any ideas are welcome! I cant make it better if you dont review so pleaaase let me know what you think! Thanks (:**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N-Okay, once again sorry for waiting so long to post another chapter, but I had alot of homework and I've been going to the batting cages almost every night so get ready for softball intrumurals at my school, but whatever I know you dont care about me. SO, who's excited for the season 3 premiere tonight? also, i just realized that i made that kids name Noah, which is alsoo pucks first name...so sorry if that confuses you i wasnt thinking when i did that d: sorry! They shouldnt call him by his name that much this chapter though..so sorry ;pp this chapters kinda short but a few things do happen, but you have to read to find out what! so, read. (: ...AND REVIEW PLEASE.**

"What the hell, Q!" I screamed at her in the hallway.

"First Finn, then Sam, now Puck too?" She yelled at me. I just stared at her, confused. _What the hell was she talking about?_ I know I act all tough, and yeah you better beleive i am, but something about the angy fire in her eyes actually scared me, if it wasnt for the joy I always seem to find when I'm destroying Quinns life.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! You sleep with Finn,-"

"Hold up, Q. Let me remind you that you cheated on him and got yourself knocked up with _my_ guy! That wasn't my fault.." I told her starting to get bored. She blamed me every year for _stealing_ her guys, but it wasn't usually so early on in the year. And it's not like i _stole_ them. I just bribed them and slept with them. It was after they broke up, so I didn't see the big deal.

"Whatever! You sleep with Finn, give me and Finn mono so Sam would break up with me and then you dated him, and now _Puck?_ I knew you guys had a history, but I never thought you would go _this_ low, Santana! And I thought maybe this year we could actually try being friends!" She looked like she was about to cry, but I still had no clue what she was yelling at me for.

"Damn Q, talk about hormonal! You sure your not pregnant again? Cause' DAMN, i dont know what you are talking about!"

"Don't even try that S. You know damn well what I'm talking about. That little blonde kid you _took to spanish_ heard everything you told Britt about you and Puck in the bathroom, and he came to tell me."

"I still don't get why you're mad about it!" And then it all made sense. That little freshman idiot told Q part of the story, but not all of it. That kid was about to learn real quick that _nobody_ messed with me like that. I was gonna fuck that kid up so bad. Not because it'd hurt Quinn, I could care less about her right now, even though I did secretly feel sort of bad for her. But poor Puck. I knew he wouldn't tell Quinn why I was there, I knew he wouldn't be able to defend himself, and how much he really loved Quinn. Knowing her, she probably broke up with him, and after all that he did for me, I couldn't let that happen.

"So you beleive that stupid little bitchy midget 9th grader? I swear on my life that nothing happened while I was there, Q!"

"That little boy said you stayed the night at his house for a couple of days santana. I know you, and _staying the night_ means the same as _getting super drunk and having sex_ to you."

"Shit Q! Nothing at all happened!" I got quieter as i told her the next part.

"After my dad- well you know what he did. I called puck to come pick me up, cause' i needed somebody and the only person I really trust like that other than Brittany is Puck! so yeah, i went to his house, and yes, i stayed for a few days because i couldn't just go home after what happened. and okay, yes we slept in the same bed, but nothing at all happened between the two of us. He's so in love with you, i dont think he looks at anything the way he used to."

"I still don't beleive you. Why'd you go to Puck instead of Britt? That's where I start to think you're lying. You never choose _anyone_ over her, no matter what the situation is."

"Just drop it!" I didn't want anything else to slip out. I'd told people more about me in the last few weeks than i had in my entire life. and it just plain sucked.

I wandered arounf the school, searching for that little blonde bitch that screwed with me and Q. I saw him talking to Finn down the hallway. Probably trying to figure out if he could get on the football team of something.

"Hey, Frankenteen, why are you talking to this little midget?"

"He's actually kind of cool. We're short a member of Glee club since Sam left and Lauren dropped out. I was thinking maybe he could join."

"Hell no! This kid has messed with me enough, he's not coming to the one place that I actually feel like i can be a little more like me." I turned away from Finn, grabbing the little blonde boy by the collar of his shirt and dragging him into the choir room, since i knew nobody would be in there. I pushed him up at the piano, trying not to laugh at how terrifie he looked.

"What the fuck is your problem? You need to learn how this fucking school works! It's like a caste system. You fall in the VERY bottom, and I'm like the fucking queen. Im the head bitch in this place so don't fucking mess with me! I got people in high places, and trust me, I could make the rest of your life here _HELL. _ You mess with me and you'll be living a fucking nightmare! So, i swear, I'll get sue, or Puck, or hell, my fucking boyfriend to beat on you're little ass. Azimio and Karofsky will soon be names you fear like every other fag in this school."

"I'm not gay." Was all he managed to get out before he started shaking again.

"So? Karofsky and Azimio don't know that. THey're the biggest fucking homophobes in this place. Ask kurt- Or actually, stay away from Kurt. And brittany. and puck and Quinn and every other kid in glee club, or i will make sure someone teaches you a lesson, preferably me. So fuck off!" He ran out of the room, knocking over chairs as he passed. My day just brightened up so much more. I was going to go find Puck right then and there, but I'd already felt like I'd done enough good deeds for the day so I decided I'd go to class first and try and find him later.

"You're late." Brittany whispered as I took my seat next to her in class.

"Yeah, long story." I told her. She didn't press the subject, just began to tell me about her day.

"Oh my gosh, San! Guess what happened? Jew-fro was in the girls bathroom today, trying to shoot another episode of "Glee Club's big Gay Summer"! And Azimio walked in the boys bathroom and caught him doing that and now we can't call Jew-fro Jew-fro anymore!"

"No way! He shaved his head?"

"All his hair is gone. Its like somebody killed the cat." She sighed, way off subject. Obviously she was upset that we couldnt still call him Jew-fro, since i doubted she even knew his real name.

"Azimio said he was tired of him bringing that camera in the bathroom so he smashed the camera and then shaved all his hair off." Britt finished.

I smiled to myself, this day was actually going pretty well. Maybe today would be a pretty good day to come out to everyone. But I still felt pretty pissed about what midget Noah did to Puck and Quinn's relationship. I had to find a better way to deal with that later. Half way through the class i grabbed britts hand under the table and whispered to her,

"C'mon,lets go. This class is fucking boring anyways." She got out of her chair and followed me out the door, our teacher barely noticing that we left.

"Britts, is it okay if i wait? Instead of doing it today?" I asked her, nervous of her response. She just stared at me blankly, unsure of what I was talking about. I lowered my voice to a barely audible whisper.

"You know, _come out?_ I just don't wanna do it without Mr. Schue. Something this big, it's got to be like the whole family is there. And it can't feel like the whole family without Mr. Schue." I explained.

"Well, okay. I understand that. But you have to do it the day Mr. Schue gets back, okay?"

"Okay." I smiled at her as she pulled me into a hug, letting it linger a little bit longer than usual. Britt and I just sat at our lockers, until about ten minutes before the bell ring when I pulled her into the choir room. As usual, Brad was the only one in the room, and he was just staring at the piano. Sometimes I wondered if Brad could be in more than one place at once, since he always seemed to be everywhere whenever _anyone_ needed him. But thinking of him being in multiple places at one time made me feel a little...well, a little like Brittany.

"_Here we are, the two of us together, taking this crazy chance to be all alone. We both know that we should not be together, cause' if they find out it could mess up, both our happy homes."  
><em> Brad joined me at that point. Surprising me into feeling self consious, until i remembered he's furniture. He picked up on the beat pretty fast. I realized how many times I'd sang to Britt recently and my face turned bright red, but I continued to sing anyways.

"_I hate to think about us not together, as soon as I look at you it will show on my face. Then they'll know that we've been loving each other, we can't let'em know, girl, no, no, we can't leave a trace. Secret lovers that's what we are, we should not be together, but we can't let go cause we love each other so." _

I felt weird singing such a cheesy song, but it kind of fit our relationship pretty well, and once the words started slowing out, I just couldn't make them stop coming. 

"Sitting at home I do nothing all day, but I think about you and hope that you're okay.  
>Hoping you call before anyone gets home,I wait anxiously alone by the phone. How could something so wrong be so right I wish we didn't have to put our love out of sight. Living two lives just ain't easy at all, but we gotta hang on in there or fall.<br>Secret lovers that's what we are, trying so hard to hide the way we feel. Cause we both belong with someone else,but we can't let go cause what we feel is oh so real...  
>So real, So real..."<p>

By now, Britt realized what song I wass singing and joined in singing with me and smiling, as we danced around the room. The only time I would EVER do this was when I knew no one could see us. Besides Brad, but he didn't count.

"You and me, are we friends? Is this cool? Or do we care ? Can they tell what's in our mind? Or maybe we'll be secret lovers all of the time? In the middle of making love, we notice the time. We both get nervous 'cause it's way after nine. Even though we hate it we know, it's time that we go. We gotta be careful so that no one will know. Secret lovers that's what we are, trying so hard to hide the way we feel. Cause we both belong with someone else, but we can't let go cause what we feel is oh so real...So real, so real..."

"Only till Mr. Schue gets back, right? Just a secret till ge gets back?" She checked with me. I just smiled as i pulled her behind me into our seats, knowing that Berry would be barging in anytime now. She always liked to be the first one to get there and the last one to leave.

**A/N-Thanks for reading! This chapter wasn't really too important, but the next one i promise will have alot more in it, not to mention be alot longer! Can't wait to watch the premeire tonight (: hopefully i'll get the next chapter up either tonight or tomorrow.**** And the song is secret lovers but i cant remember who its by sorry /: PLEASE REVIEW PLEASEEEE!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N-hey guys, sorry for the wait! did anyone else ****hate**** mr schue when he kicked santana out of glee? Just wondering, cause i was soo mad when that happened. Haha , and i miss sam ); but, anyways, enjoy the story!**

By wednesday I was already done with school. Thankfully my parents went out of town for 2 weeks, so i could at least stay at my place. I called brittany as soon as i got home from school, anxious to hear her voice.

"Hey britts." I sighed over the phone, thinking about the previous day.

"um, hi san." She said back to me. I noticed the way she seemed distant but i ignored that and went on with what i was saying.

"Yesterday sucked. Like, hella bad. First Q, with the completely transforming from innocent religious kid and top cheerio, to a complete stoner. what's up with that? And Puck isn't talking to me, after what happened with him and quinn. then mr. schue decides to kick me out of glee club, and sue is thinking about leaving becky as the only captain since i failed at making the piano blow up without anyone knowing it was me."

"Im sorry san. Why'd you listen to sue? I thought you said we were done with being cheerios last year, until you told me we were going to do it again this year." She said it like a question.

"I just wanted to make our senior year memorable, thats all." I explained. I waited in silence for her to say something, when a thought occured to me. _She was probably waiting for me to tell her how i was going to tell glee club about us since i was no longer a member. _ i couldnt just tell her that i didn't know, so instead i said,

"I gotta go, britts. See you tomorrow. I'll pick you up around 5."

"Bye san." And just like that she hung up the phone, which was probably our shortest phone call ever. I went to sleep that night, trying to figure out the best way to come out to glee club, or to anyone. I didn't even realize that i fell asleep until the next morning when i woke up. I jumped out of bed, images blaring through my mind. I had an idea, i knew what i had to do. I dug through some papers i still had from last year, looking for a blue one about drinking and driving. I recognized the phone number on the top of it. I dialed the number into my phone, checking it a few times to make sure i was calling the right person.

"Uh, Mr. schue? Its...It's Santana." I told him, shaking nervously, afraid he'd hang up. But since it was Thursday, i knew he'd be at school early, which meant he'd have no excuse to say he had to go. My voice was shaking, obvious that i was terrified.

"Are you okay?" Was the first thing he said to me.

"Yeah im fine. It's just, i know i dont deserve this after torching the piano and everything, but will you please do me a favor mr schue? I- just, tomorrow, before school, can you bring everybody in glee back behind the football field? I need to talk to you all, its important."

"Santana, i want to help you of course, but i dont think i can trust you. Not when your still working with sue. I cant bring my kids back there, not when i dont know if sue is gonna be waiting to drown them in slushies or something."

I felt the urge to cry, pushing the tears down my throat to make my voice even shakier.

"Please mr schue, i need you guys right now. I just, i can't do this on my own. How about you meet me in the gym instead? "

"well, okay. But santana, if this is all a set-up, i cant let you back in glee, ever. Just remember that."

"Thanks so much mr schue! see you in spanish today." I hung up the phone, excited but nervous that this might work. I got ready for school, pulling on my cheerios outfit and trying to make myself look like the usual hot bitch i always am. I pulled up to brittany's house, honking the horn to let her know that i arrived. Usually quinn would take us both to school, but since she decided to get her nose peirced, get a tattoo of ryan seacrest, start hanging with the smokers, and quit glee and the cheerios, we quit talking to her. or, well, more like she quit talking to us. So our unholy trinity became the unholy duo, which didnt really make any sense. Brittany climbed in the car, a far away look in her eyes.

"You okay, britts?" I asked her as soon as she looked at me. I expected her to either shake her head or immediately tell me what happened, but instead, she just looked at me, staring straight into my eyes. I looked into her blue eyes, my cheeks burning. I'd never see anything so beautiful in my life, yet she'd been with me since pre-school. I expected her to drift off, to her own little planet like usual, but she said something, just the fact that she chose that moment to talk, and say something that wasn't totally random, surprised me. What she did surprised me even more. As i turned me head away to start driving to school, she grabbed my wrist and said,

"Santana?" In a broken voice. I turned me head, my mouth open to answer her, when all the breath was taken from my lungs as she pressed her lips to mine. The sudden contact took me by surprise, but it didn't take me more than a few seconds to get back in the rythm of things. I pulled her closer to me, until there was no space left between us. I started to pull away as i felt tears roll down her cheeks, but she just grabbed me tighter. I remembered the last time we were this close, the last time we were really _alone_. Aftr finding her clothes she left my room crying and didn't talk to me for days. I couldn't take advantage of her like that again, no matter how badly i wanted to. Not if i was going to try to make this work. So as she started fiddling with my bra stap and pulling on my shirt, i pulled out of her embrace. She looked upset, but i took her hand and said,

"Not right now, okay?" She looked at me and nodded, before looking out of the window. My heart was still racing, even after 10 minutes. I couln't stop my hands from shaking or my face from burning red. the car ride was silent, but eventually britt half-whispered to me,

"I just didn't want you to be mad at me anymore." I stared at her, stunned. Pulling the car into the parking lot, and stopping to reasurre her that i was never mad at her.  
>"I wasn't mad at you britt!"<p>

"But, i told you to tell your parents about you-about us. and you did, and then you got beat up by your dad. then i try to make you tell glee club, and you get kicked out. I thought you'd be mad at me, i thought you still were mad at me for all of it. So i was trying to tell you that i'm sorry, and i wanted you to forgive me."

"Britt, i dont care if you were the one who did all of that. I wouldnt care if you got me kicked out of glee and the cheerios, or if you made me lose all my friends or if it was you that wouldnt except me for who i am. I could never be mad at you. All those times i acted like i was, it was because i was mad at myself for not being able to have the courage that you do. I could never be mad at you britts, okay? And next time, don't try and prove anything to me, not like that. I dont want you to feel like you have to. But im not saying that i didnt enjoy it." And with that, i got out of the car, feeling brittany's eyes on me. Even without looking i could tell she was smiling. And i knew right then that i would do _anything_ to make sure she never felt that upset again. We walked into school, heading to the gym for our before school cheerio practice. I saw Finn run past me. The football players and cheerios all had to do a few laps before school to warm up.

"Frankenteen!" I smiled at him. He looked at me ashamed and ran faster. I realized that everyone in glee club, with the execption of britt, probably hated me right now. But that wasnt going to stop me for doing what i needed to do. I pushed myself harder, running faster so that i was the second cheerio finished. We all learned quickly that _nobody_ could outrun Q or Britt. But now that Quinn wasnt here, i finished second place. After practice, we went to class. I walked britt to first period, but told her that i had something to do so i couldnt come in. she walked into class, and it hurt me to see her go sit by an empty desk, but i needed to go find mr. schue, and that little blonde bratt that screwed up quinn and pucks life.

"Mr. Schue," I said, strolling into the classroom. "sue needs to speak with him." I pointed at Noah, lying. Mr schue nodded, beleiving me. Sue would of course send her head cheerio to pull people out of class for her, and there was no way he was going ot argue with sue right then. as soon as we walked out of the classroom, noah hit me with a bunch of questions.

"Why does sue want me? Isnt she the cheer coach? Does she want me to be a cheerio? Im not a good dancer. How come-" I cut if off.

"She doesnt, yes , hell no, and i bet. Also, i dont care. I just needed to talk to you."

"Again? You already did this!"

"No, this time, sue is going to talk to you."

"You said she didn't want me..."

"she will after i tell her your the reason her top cheerio quit the team." He gulped. Every kid in this school feared sue sylvester. Even most of her cheerios.

"Coach, i got something for you." I knocked on her office door.

She let me in, drinking her protein shake.

"Coach, this little _thing_ here, he's the reason you lost your top cheerio." I told her, staring the little boy down. He smiled a weak smile, probably trying to tell us that we didn't scare him. It was obvious he was terrified just by the look in his eyes.

"He told Quinn that Puck cheated on her with me, which this time was not true. She beleived him, dumped puck, and now...well you know what she's doing now."

" Your why im stuck with tweedle mcfake boobs?" She turned to me.

"S, i'd like a word alone with him if you dont mind." Noah looked at me with pleading eyes, but i just smirked, walking out of the office. He came out a few minutes later, crying. I tried not to laugh.

"I told you kid, NOBODY messes with _santana lopez_, **or** my friends. Got it?" He nodded his head, walking to spanish. I headed to my first period, taking my seat next to britt. She smiled at me, and i took her hand under the table. I felt like everyone in the class was staring at me, but i knew no one could see our entangled hands anyway. My face turned bright red as she stroked my leg, but thankfully you couldn't tell how bad i was blushing because of my dark skin. Being hispanic sure had its up sides. And that's when the idea came to me.

After school, i ran to the football feild until i found Karofsky.

"Karofsky, were over now. Got it?" He stared at me shocked, along with Finn. But i noticed Puck holding back a small smile, and i knew he didn't really hate me. with that, I ran out of the school, over to my car. Britt stopped me a few feet away from the door.

"Sue's going to be mad if you miss practice. You're our captain."

"Oh, shit. Uh, be creative make up something beleivable! Ill be back in like an hour!" I yelled, already in my car driving home. I had two very important things to do.

I ran up my stairs, searching through my closet for a certain white shirt. I never had the guts to throw it away. I noticed it under a pile of old clothes, burried. I shoved the shirt in my cheer bag and ran over to my dresser to get my phone.

"C'mon Q, pick up pick up.." I muttered as the phone rang over and over. I called 6 times before she finally answered.

"What the hell do you want Santana?"

"Quinn, I need you." I mentally punched myself for how dumb that sounded.

"Just will you do one thing for me? That's all I'm asking. Just one thing. "

"Why would i do that?" Her words slurred, and i figured she was high.

"I didn't steal your fucking boyfriend Q! So stop smoking that shit, and talk to me. Just please, this is really important. All you have to do is show up in the gym tomorrow before school, right after cheerio's practice gets out. I know you still know the times."

"Im not going. I got better things to do."

"Dont pull this shit with me Quinn, get your ass over there, just do it!"

"Whatever." She hung up the phone. I really wanted Quinn there, even though she wasnt the same Quinn that i always knew. The one that i never realized that I needed until she was gone. Quinn really was somebody close to me, important in my life, even though we spent our lives trying to destroy eachother. Not having her anymore felt like i'd lost a family member or something. As much as i hated to admit, I really did need Quinn, and i didnt know if i could come out to glee club with her and puck there. It just wouldnt feel right.

I rushed back to school, pulling into the parking lot only 30 minutes after cheerios practice started. Apparently, i was late because i'd been 'kidnapped by Puckerman and Azimio, taken to the boys locker room and questioned by Coach Beiste for the stealing of Brittany's cat, Lord Tubbington.' Britt even went as far as to tell Coach Beiste to tell Sue that I stole her cat and she was questioning me. Next time, i shouldnt tell britt to be _that_ creative. but sue knew better than to argue with Britt, so she just made me go out and run an extra 4 laps before we got started. I got home, showered, and prepared my speech for the next morning. I tried to sleep that night, but i just couldn't. I was too scared for the next day. Everything would change so much. I texted ms. holliday, to see if she'd come. I know she already knew about me and britt, but i wanted her to be there for my first..._public _anouncment about me and britt. I walked into cheerio's practice, shaking too hard to even get the cheers down right, and eventually running out of the field, completely breaking down inside the locker room. sue came in to yell at me, but i think it surprised her to see me, _santana lopez_, leaning up against the lockers crying. Sue taught me mostly everything i knew about being decieving and corruptive, so seeing me like this, so vulnerable, was probably really strange for her. I looked at her with tears running down my face, expecting to get in trouble for ditching practice and showing up late yesterday, but she just turned around and walked out of the locker room, leaving me laying across the benches, crying until i had no more tears left. At least that meant i probably wouldnt have _another_ break down while im trying to talk to glee club. Everyone filed out of the locker room, including britt (probably going to the mandatory before school meeting the mr schue called yesterday, to make sure they were all there for me when i needed them to be) so i just stared at my locker, trying to get my body to resond to me. I changed my clothes, taking off the cheerio outfit, even though i'd probably get in even more trouble for not wearing it. I slipped on that white shirt i shoved in my cheer bag, and zipped up a jacket around it so you couldn't see the big black word written across the chest of the shirt. I was too disoriented ot even notice that i forgot to take off my cheerio skirt. I walked into the gym, noticing a bunch of confused looking glee members sitting in the bleachers. My schue gave me a questioning smile, most of the kids glared at me, berry shot me death glances, and puck stared at me expressionless. I looked around for Quinn, but my heart dropped when i didn't see her. I found britt sitting in the back, by herself, staring at me, with questioning hope in her eyes.

"Uh, guys, santana has something she'd like to say to you today." Mr. schue said, standing up. I heard a few of them groan. I noticed Berry open her mouth to probably start talking a mile a minute like usual, but mr. schue cut her off.

"Just listen guys, please. I knew you guys have your differences, but she was a part of our family, and once a part of the family, you always are. I know you guys still care about her even if you are mad. Just listen to what she has to say, okay?" I saw ms holliday smile, as she realized what i was about to do. Britt looked like she was holding back excitment, afraid to let herself beleive what i was about to do, but i could see the hope in her. I smiled directly at brittany, without caring that the rest of the glee club was even there.

"First of all, im sorry about torching the piano. I know you dont want excuses, but for what its worth, sue made me choose. She told all of the cheerios to destroy the purple pianos for glee club. I didn't want to, but she made me chose between her and you guys. I thought things could go back to normal, before Glee. I thought i was happy then, but ever since you kicked me out, i havent had a chance to be happy, to be able to be me. With you guys, i felt like a real family. Choosing Sue over Glee club was the 2nd biggest mistake of my life. I never should have done that. But thank you all so much for taking the time to come here and listen to what im about to tell you, i know after i made your lives hell, i don't deserve it. But i still appreciate it. So, with my past of dating almost every guy in this school, and sleeping with all of them, except maybe Kurt, obviously, Karofsky, cause' well, yeah whatever I'm still a bitch, he's gay." Kurt stared at me with his mouth open, but everybody else just murmered to themselves.

"A few of the nerdy kids, and Artie cause you call know i hate him with a passion. But you're about to find out why. I knew Quinn's not here right now," Puck's eyes watered a little with the mention of her name, "but I want her to know that i really am sorry for how much it seems like I'm stealing her guys. And no offense to any of you, but i never really liked any of you guys. Not Finn, not puck, at least not like that anyway, not even Sam. Or any one of the other guys i've dated. They were all just for show, since i knew i couldnt have what i really wanted. I guess i've always known in the back of my mind, but I never realized what it meant until last year. I only dated all of those guys because, 1 it boosted my rep. and 2, the only person that i ever truly had feelings for, was someone that goes against everything i've ever learned."

"Where are you going with this?" Rachel interupted. "No one wants to hear your guy history." Rachel spit at me, ovbiously still pissed about the whole piano thing. Puck spoke up for me,

"Just let her finish Rach. This is important." She frowned and settled back into her seat. I noticed the rest of the class looking at me confused, with the exception of Mr. Schue who seemed to understand where this was going. Britt was on the edge of her seat, smiling at me, giving me encouragement to continue. Ms. Holliday was sofly singing landslide, so quiet i only recognized it from reading her lips.

"You all know that i dont like labels, especially "Girlfriend", which is why i mostly lived off one night stands. I thought it was because i didnt like being tied down. But i realized it was because i didnt want to be their girlfriend. I didnt want them to be my boyfriend. I just wanted a certain person, but none of them could be quite what i was looking for. I still dont like labels, but it's now i don't care as much. Label me what you want, but dont think it matters who you're attracted to. What matters is who you fall in love with." I looked at ms holliday, letting her know that that really got to me when she told me that last year."

"Remember when we did born this way?" I asked. Kurts face lit up, but the rest of them just nodded.

"I really was planning to show up for that. I had a shirt that said "BITCH" and i was dead set on wearing it. Brittany came up to me, and showed me a shirt that was more...personal. It was something i was more ashamed of about myself. I didn't want to wear it, because i knew that it would mean telling you guys something that i couldnt stand for anyone to know. Britt and ms holliday were the only ones that knew, and i just wasnt ready to tell the rest of the class yet."

Kurt seemed to realize what was going on, but the rest of the class just didnt understand where i was going with this.

"I really wanted to do that song with you guys, but i couldnt bring myself to lie and wear the bitch shirt, but i wasnt ready to wear the shirt that was really what i was most ashamed of. Over the summer, alot changed me. And I realized that i dont want to change who i am or how i feel, that would stop me from being in love at all. So, even though born this way is over, I'm finally ready to wear my shirt."

I unzipped my jacket, letting a white shirt that said "Lebanese" in black letters show. I waited to see if anyone other than Kurt and Blaine would get it.

"I thought you were hispanic?" Berry said.

"You shouldn't lie about your ethnicity..." Tina told me.

"Why are you so ashamed of being Lebanese, its-" And as soon as Finn said the word "Lebanese" out loud he seemed to get it, and shut up. For the first time, Finn understood something long before some of the other kids. It looked like a few of them, Kurt, Blaine, Puck of course, Britt (duh) Finn, and Artie understood, but the rest of them just looked confused.

"Guys! I'm not lebanese, i really am hispanic. This shirt was supposed to say something else, but well, britt isn't the _best_ speller in the world. It was meant to say...lesbian." They all stared at me shocked. I wanted to run and hide, but thankfully, something saved me from my embarassment. I didn't notice Quinn hiding in the shadows, listening to every word i said. I didn't know she came at all, until she appeared in front of me, wrapping her arms around me. I could still smell the smoke on her, but it meant alot that she came. I stood there, stunned, until i slowly reached up to put my arms around Quinn too.

"I love you Santana. You should have told me." Quinn whispered to me.

"I was scared." I told her, starting to cry. She told me everything would be okay, and that I didn't have to worry about anything. I felt safe in her arms, even though they werent britts. As she let go of me, one by one the glee kids started to get up. Puck came over next to me, wrapping me up, holding me together. In his arms i felt like everything would be okay. Kurt and Blaine hugged me, smiling at me and telling me that they had a feeling. Eventually, everyone in the club, minus britt had come up and said one thing or another to me, even if all Artie did was say that he wouldnt judge me, just continue hating me, which i was totally okay with. Finally, i looked over at brittany, who just stared at me, still glued to her seat, tears spilling down her face. I walked up the bleachers, took her hand and pulled her down the steps. She seemed shocked.

"I love you Britt." I told her. That seemed to break her out of her trance. She smiled at me,

"I love you too San." And then she kissed me. Right there, right in front of all of the Glee kids. I smiled into the kiss as I heard Quinn mutter something to Puck, forgetting that she was even mad at him. For the first time that we were around other people, and not drunk, i kissed her back. Ms holliday approached me, telling me how proud of me she was that i was finally able to do this. Finn still looked confused at Berry sat there trying to explain that I didnt 'turn gay' i always was but i didnt know what it meant. Sometimes i worry about that boy. I walked up to Mr. Schue, holding hands with Brittany.

"Mr. Schue, i'd like very much to rejoin glee club." I said it more like a command but he got the message.

"You're in, as long as you quit torching the pianos." He smiled at me. I realized how excepting they all were, and promised myself next time i'd chose glee over cheerios. They were my real family, the ones who excepted me for the person i am and the person i love.

"um, mr schue?" I heard quinn say as i walked away from him.

"yes, quinn?" He answered.

"I know that, with everything that happened, i kind of dropped out of glee and everything, but , can i come back? I want to feel like i have something important in my life again."

"Of course. You werent the one who blew up the piano." He joked.

"um, yeah..." She walked away, before he found out that it was _her_ cigarette that caused the piano to explode. Britt was trying to talk to Artie, to get him to not be so upset, while i talked to puck and quinn, explaining to her what really happened when i was at his house. They ended up getting back together, and both were now talking to me again. Once the bell rang, i walked out of the gym, waiting for britt by the door. She walked out, pointing out to me that i still had my lebanese shirt on.

"I know." I told her. I took hold of her hand and pushed my way through the crowd of people. She seemed shocked at my change of attitude, but i knew if i didnt come out all the way right now, i'd never be able to. Karofsky stopped in the hallway. His face went paste white as he stared at britt and i, looking at our entanged hands. He knew what this meant. The only thing keeping me from telling people that he's gay. If i came out, there was nothing keeping me from telling everyone about him. And he knew that too. I smirked as we walked past him.

"Your not gonna..." He started

"Only straight i am is straight up bitch." I said without looking back, loud enough for half the people in the hallway to hear. Everyone stared as i walked down the hallway, holding hands with britt. They all made faces and said some pretty mean things. But as long as they didnt hurt britt, i didnt care what they thought. Im better than all of them anyways. I made my way to glee club after school, happier than i had been in years. Everyone smiled as we walked inside the club, especially quinn and puck. _Why was i so scared in the first place? _Something cold and blue hit me in the face. I turned around to see that little blonde bitch holding an empty slushie cup. I pushed him into the wall, about to go all Lima Heights on him when Puck and Quinn grabbed my arms and pulled me away, so i wouldnt hit him. Finn grabbed him by the arm, dragging him over to his seat and held him there till mr schue walked in. All he saw was a terrified looking 9th grader, an empty cup, and a completely pissed off looking blue Santana.

** A/N-Hope you enjoyed it! pleaaaaaaase review i'll love you forever, even though i have noooo idea who you are. ;D**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N-OMG sorry for the longggg time with no updates my computer for a virus and yeah i just got it back last night soo with that, let's begin cause' i know you dont care about me (; so i know this doesnt follow the show very much but thats cause i started this before the show even happens sooo just go with it and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ill love you till death if you review this (: i cant get better if you dont tell me what im doing wrong! also, i had a chapter 8 that i SWEAR i uploaded but now i cant find it so i gotta re-do it and this might not be as good as the original /: Here you go anyways!-**

"Santana, leave the boy alone..." Mr. Schue said cautiously, knowing I could snap at any moment.

"This little freshman bitch slushied _me!_ I'ma go all Lima Heights on his ass!" I yelled pulling away from Puck.

"Language Santana! Calm down! Were doing something important, and I need your guy's full attention. So if you can't pay attention, get out of my class room right now."

"Whatever." I muttered, crossing my arms and taking a seat in the front row. I gave the blonde kid my death glare as he walked out of the class, attempting to look pleased with himself. I stuck my foot out and tripped him, wiping that smirk right off his annoying little face.

_****2 weeks later****_

"Okay guys, I was really inspired by what Santana told us all, and it got me thinking. There's something i'd like to share with you guys..." Mr. Schue started. I tried really hard not to laugh as I heard Finn mutter to Rachel,

"He better not turn gay too..."

Rachel rolled her eyes at him, obviously annoyed that he didn't understand that you don't "turn gay", even after she spent 20 minutes explaining that to him.

"I came up with an assignment, and I think that you guys might not like it very much until it's over. But that's how things usually are right? So, trust me with this." Mr. Schue continued.

"Mr. Schue, I know you like to teach us important life skills, which i find are very important attributes of a man, but don't you think we should be practicing for sectionals?" Berry interuppted him. I tensed as I felt Brittany's fingers intertwine with mine. I almost pulled away, afraid that the class would look, but i remembered that they already knew. It was still a habbit to be afraid. And even though I'd been holding hands with Britt down the hall, people still didn't get it. Did I need to make a public announcment? I turned to britt, smiling, and laced her fingers through mine, absorbed in my own world, the one that revolved around brittany, so i missed most of Berry and Mr. Schue's conversation.

"Rachel, I'm the teacher of this, and I'm doing things my way this year. Were going to do this lesson, and we're going to win sectionals. Okay?" He said a little forcefully.

Berry muttered something under her breath, probably something conceited, and surprised us all when she didnt go storming out of the door. she was probably too curious about what Mr. Schue was about to tell us.

"Alright guys, so, Santana's...announcement got me thinking. And i think that if she, of all the people in this club could tell us something so...personal, why cant we all? I know that was her choice, but we all know that Santana definitely isn't the most open person in the book, and she's a little rude sometimes, and kind of mean, and says things unecissary, and lies about almost everything, and-" He rambled on, probably lost in his thoughts.

"Uh, okay Mr. Scue, we get it...I'm right here..." I said annoyed, even though everything he mentioned was true.

"Yeah, sorry, well, okay, so if Santana, the most closed off person in here felt like she could trust us with her biggest secret, then we need to somehow return the favor. To let her know that we trust her too." He barely got the last word out before the class errupted with words.

"Mr. Schue! I mean, I'm proud of Santana just as much as the rest of you guys for feeling like she could open up a little to us, but i dont like where this is going, we all know that whatever we tell her, she'll tell the whole school!" Berry whined.

"Hell to the nah Mr. Schue, I'm not telling anyone in this class anything! except maybe kurt, but especially not Santna!" Mercedes yelled.

"Mr. Schue, you know how well i get along with her, this is not happening." Artie told him straight up.

"Guys! If santana trusts you, why cant you trust her? Except maybe Artie, i would be careful with that one...but you need to open up and try this! I think that this lesson is a good idea Mr. Schue, even if i'm not sure what it is exactly. maybe we'd all agree more if you would tell us where you are going with it...?" Puck came to the rescue, using alot more words than he usually does. I looked at him shocked, noticing quinn staring at him with the same reaction It kind of hurt to hear that the glee club, my _friends,_ didn't trust me, but i knew that they had a good reason not too.

"Great, Puck. Well, your not JUST telling santana, your going to pick a song, sing it to the class, and tell us something your ashamed of that your singing about if its unclear from the song. It's a little different from the born this way lesson. that was about loving who you are, and telling us what you like least about you. This is more...trusting the only people in this school you can trust, knowing who your real friends are and creating tight bonds with eachother, and not being ashamed about your secret, alright?"

"Who's going first?" Quinn asked.

"Well, since Santana gave me the idea, i think we should let her go first. If you want to..." He turned to me. I smiled, dropped brittany's hand and walked past the other students. I turned to the class, still nervous, even though i'd already come out. It just felt like Mr. Schue was trying to make me do it all over again.

"Okay, well you guys all know my secret already, so i guess i'll just go straight to the song. My hands were shaking as I ran through a list of songs in my head trying to find the right one. I must've looked like an idiot, just staring at my feet. But Brad seemed to pick a song for me. He started playing the piano, to a song i recognized. I thought about the words, and decided i could change them a little as i went along, so they fit better. I opened up my mouth, singing, and hoping i didn't forget the words half way through.

_"__Please allow me to try and explain, I'm living proof that woman can change. I knew what I thought I wanted, and I knew how to get it. It didn't make it happy so I started again, What I thought I wanted was to be with a man. But nature had some alternative plans. So I did without the lot put emotion on hold, and hoped my instincts would do what they were told...I wanna know yeah. I wanna know. But every now and then, often at night, a particular feeling would surface in spite, of what I told myself and tried to, deny, I kept on asking the question: why? I wanna know yeah. I wanna know. You grow up and experience this, a total metamorphosis. It's all about change. It's a metamorphosis. With time and age I had to change 'cause my thoughts were getting strange. Ladies on the street caught my eye, and I began to think I might be their kind of girl. The long-term suppression of an adolescent urge, was in retreat, and I was on the verge of falling in love or having fun, Time was running out. Something had to be done. I wanna know, yeah I wanna know, I wanna know yeah, Tell me what's the reason? Where was I? Laying down the law, dancing with others out on the floor. Music and smoke. What did it mean Somebody spoke and I went into a dream. I had what I wanted, madly in love, Nothing else mattered. This was enough. Questions were answered, which used to perplex, in particular those about the big s.e.x."_ Puck and Brittany were obviously holding back a cheesy smile, knowing that I could probably answer any question about any time of sex, considering I've done almost everything you can imagine. Britt gave me an encouraging smile to keep going.

_"_ _I wanna know yeah, I wanna know. I wanna know yeah, Tell me what's the reason? You grow up and experience this? A total metamorphosis. It's all about love. It's a metamorphosis. Dreaming is easy, life is tough. I got the picture. The most important thing is not to end up bitter. 'cause when you start to feel increasingly forlorner woomph! love comes right around the corner. It may not last,  
>but here I am, once a caterpillar now a butterfly." <em>I made a weird face as i realized how old this song really was, and how i really just sang to all the glee kids that i'm a butterfly. This was weird, and definitely not me. But i went on with the song anyways.

"_It can seem strange but when you reminisce, It's all about change. It's a metamorphosis, I wanna know yeah , I wanna know I wanna know It's all about love  
>It's a metamorphosis. You grow up and experience this, A total metamorphosis. It's all about change It's a metamorphosis. I wanna know yeah, I wanna know. I wanna know yeah, I wanna know. It's all about change, It's a metamorphosis. I wanna know yeah I wanna know, It's all about love. It's a metamorphosis..." <em>I turned around quickly and went back to my seat wondering where Brad came up with that song. They all clapped and then looked at Mr. Schue expectantly. Rachel opened her oversized mouth instead.

"Brava Santana. I would say you did perfect but you were a little flat on one of the notes, but thats just because you don't have as much training as_...some_ of the kids in here_,_ really good job though." Berry started. I stared at her shocked, unsure if that was a compliment or an insult. Both? I just nodded my head confused, not enough energy to be mad. Something was really off today, but I just couldn't figure out what. Why was I acting like, well, like _not me?_

"Great example santana. Just, can you tell us how you can relate to the song?" Mr. Schue asked me. He said my name and it pulled me out of my train of thought.

"Um, well it says that a woman can change, and i changed...not who i was, just how i saw myself. and i changed it to say that i thought i wanted to be with a man, cause' i convinced myself that i did and then theres the part about sex but i dont think you want to hear my stories about sex so i'll skip that." Puck and Brittany laughed, probably because they were the only ones there for most of my 'sex stories'. Quinn slapped puck and he stopped laughing right away, but I could tell he still wanted to.

"And then it says that nature had other plans, and that i thought i knew what i wanted and i knew how to get it. which i thought i wanted guys, and i knew how to get them, but nature had other plans, and i really wanted something else..." I tried to answer his question. Usually i just would have said 'i dont know.' or 'i dont care.' or something like that, what was up with me today? That answer made it seem like I actually _cared. _I just wanteed to get home and-_home. _that was it. My mom and dad got back from vacation today. Shit, i had no where to go. I pounded my head thinking, but not succeeding. Britts fingers were tracing patters up and down my legs, and it was just too hard to focus on anything other than her by that point.

"Okay kids, so just like that. Come in next time with a song and tell us how that song relates to your secret. Next time i would like to see..." He looked around the classroom, "Artie and Kurt. I'll go before you two to give you guys another example." We all got up and left. I told brittany to go ahead in front of me, i'd meet her at my car. I needed to ask Mr. Schue something.

"Uh, Mr schue, i have a question." I told him, once everyone left besides us and brad.

"Is everything okay Santana?" He sounded concerned. Truth was, i was not okay. People probably noticed from how off my behavior was, and I knew it. My parents would be back in about 2 hours and honestly, i didnt have anywhere to go. I know this is really un-santana like, but I really was afraid of what my mom would say to me and what my dad would do if they caught me back at home. And something told me that I shouldn't tell anyone about what happened with my dad. If that got around, he could lose his reputation. My whole family's like that, caring so much about their rep., hating labels, and loving titles. You see where I get it from. But I just couldn't force myself back in that house with them, and i knew brittany's parents were kind shaky about letting me stay at there house again for a while. They didnt have an extra bedroom, so i had to stay in Britts room the 2 nights I was there before my parents left. Her parents took the news of us alot better than my parents did, but i knew they didn't really want us sleeping together if it wasnt absolutely necissary. They told her she wasnt allowed to have her boyfriends sleep over, so why should i be allowed to? She tried to say that i was there for lord tubbington, but her mom didnt really buy it. I know her mom would say yes if i asked to stay there a few more nights again, but she wouldnt be happy about it and i didnt want to upset her mom. I'd ask quinn, but her parents are really religious so i dont feel like taking another chance, pucks mom doesnt like the idea of him having girls sleep over, mercedes hates me, and i'd rather sleep on the streets than stay at Berry's house. Finn sort of doesntlike me, something about the whole "taking his virginity" thing, and i know kurt would keep me up all night talking about the various girly things he's obsessed with. Artie, no way in hell, i'd end up killing him, i barely know Mike, I'm pretty sure Tina doesn't like me, and kurt would probably be to jealous if i went to blaine because, even though im gay, he'd still think i'd end up doing _something_ with blaine. which isn't true, i'd never cheat on britt like that, even though we weren't really _together_, but still. I had a commitment to her. I'd been at my house while they went out of town, but know that they're coming back, i need somewhere to go.

"You know how i told you guys in glee club about me and Britt?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, before that, i told my parents. and they didn't really agree with that. My mom was yelling and my dad was...upset." I covered, i wanted to tell him what really happened, but i had a feeling that it'd turn out badly.

"okay..." He didnt get where i was going with this.

" I know this is alot to ask, and you could probably get in trouble for it, but could i please stay at your house for just a few days? I'm 18 now so you couldnt get in trouble for kidnapping or whatever.."

"I understand santana, but you need to go home. Your parents are never going to accept this if you dont talk about it with them."

"We tried talking, it didn't work." I started to get a little panicky.

"You need to go home to your mom and dad, besides im sure they miss you, even if they are upset."

"Please Mr. Schue, don't make me go back there..." My voice was shaky, and it broke with tears as i thought about having to go back into my house, see that look of dissapointment in my moms eyes and hear my dad shouting things at me, calling me names, and hitting me agian. i didn't want to get hurt like that again, the phsychological pain they put me through. I'd always felt like I wasn't good enough, but usually at home I felt accepted because my parents mostly cared about looks. They got a pretty daughter and they were happy, till they found out that their _pretty girl_ actually liked _pretty girls._ I couldn't go back there with my own parents thinking im some kind of disguisting freak. I didn't want to cry, it wasn't like me at all, but i just didn't seem like i was able to hold back the tears.

"Santana, I've seen you cry more in the last week than i have in the other 3 years you've gone here combined. Not counting when your drunk, cause' that's a mess. What really happened? You want me to call and talk to your mom? Your dad?" My face went white (or at least it felt like it did) when he asked to call my dad.

"Please don't talk to them Mr. Schue, just, don't make me go back home. Please. I'll go find somewhere to stay tonight, just don't talk to them, okay?"

"Santana, what going on? What happened?"

"N-nothing, ill see you tomorrow. Bye Mr. Schue." I got up and began to leave, but he grabbed my wrist.

"Let's make a deal, you tell me what really happened between you and your parents, and you can stay at my place as long as you need, just don't tell anyone because if Sue finds out, she could find a way to make this something it's not. You know how she makes things that they aren't, and considering your...history, she could get me in alot of trouble for this. But deal?"

"Okay, fine. I think it's supposed to rain tonight and i don't want to mess up my hair." I lied, the truth was, i really wanted to tell someone, an adult, about what happened, i knew i shouldn't but it just slipped out of me. So i told him everything, what my mom said, what i said, what my dad did. He didn't make any comments, except occasionally he'd mutter "language, santana." but other than that, nothing. he hugged me, which felt weird, since he was a teacher, but good at the same time, to know that someone loved me. I know I act closed off, but that's because I learned at a very young age that you can't let yourself love anyone in any kind of way, because all they'll do is break your heart. I told him that i needed to drop Brittany off at her house, grab my stuff, and then I'd go over to his house. He told me to just call before, and he'd make sure someone was home (either him or Ms. Pillsbury). We went our seperate ways, when i heard something behind me.

"Lopez!" I turned around, to see Sue staring at me, fire in her eyes. I realized I was late to cheer practice, _again_, which meant that i made britt late, _again._ I almost came up with an excuse that convientenltly blamed it all on Mr. Schue, but i decided if i was going to change me, it needed to start now. I marched over to Sue, my head held high, and said,

"I'm not late to Practice. I'm not even on the Cheerios anymore. I quit, hope Becky is a good captain all by herself. Oh, and Britt is out too."

"Wait, Lopez, I'll cut you a deal." She said as i started walking away. I turned, just curious what her deal was.

"I care about you," I laughed as she said that. She didn't care about me, she just knew with Quinn off the squad, they'd have a hard time winning nationsals, but with me and Britt gone too, they'd never win. That's why they lost last year, cause the three of us quit. There was no way she could without her top three cheerios. I smirked, knowing she was vulnerable right now and would do almost anything to keep me and Britt on the team.

"Wait sue, How about this? I have a deal for you. Me and Britt stay on the team AND we get Q to come back, and you let the three of us be late whenever it involves glee, and our glee club rehearsals come first. So if we miss cheerios practice because of glee, its excused, you stop making us destroy glee club, and we get an extra ten minutes in the locker room."

"No way, that's too much. It's like a young George Washington once said-" I cut her off so i wouldn't have to hear one of her many crazy irrational theories that she believes that the presidents said. I mean _really?_ Everyone knows that Abraham Lincoln was not our first gay president. He was married...right? I sleep in history class, how should I know.

"Then none of us are coming back." I took about three steps before i heard her shout,

"Fine, it's a deal!" Without turning around, while i still had her vulnerable and knowing i'd never have the guts to do it later, i yelled,

"Also, sue, I'm a lesbian." I smirked as i heard the sound of her dropping her protein shake. I knew sue wasnt a homophobe, she just knew that this would make a big change for the other girls on the team to know that their captain was gay. I walked down the hall heading towards my car, and to the beautiful face of the woman i love. I saw it, blue..._Wait, my car isn't blue? _I didn't have time to put the peices together before i realized the blue was a slushie, dripping down my face. I wrapped my hands around the persons neck, slamming them to the wall, before wiping the slushie off out of my eyes so i could see who slushied me. I wanted to murder the kid as i realized it was the little blonde bitch, that freshman kid, noah. AGAIN? was this like a weekly thing? Blue slushy from him? Its time i taught that kid that _no one _messes with me. He looked scared as i held him to the wall, about two seconds away from 'using the razor blades hidden in my hair'. they weren't really there, but everyone believed that i really did have razor blades in there so i used that to my advantage.

"You wanna know why people don't do this shit to me? Im _Santana Fucking Lopez._ That's why. I'll go all Lima Heights on your ass and-" The kid interuppted my sentence.

"He made me do it." The kid whimpered.

"Who?" I said, pressing him to the wall harder.

"That big guy, the football player. Umm, kofsky? Karfy? I don't know, he's _your_ ex-boyfriend."

**A/N- thanksss for reading **_**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE**_ **review! probably only one or two chapters left so yeaah, thanks for readdingg! REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N-Sorry for not putting this at the end of the last chapter, i forgot aha, the song Santana sang was "metamorphasis" by the Pet Shop Boys..I changed it to fit her a little better, but yeaah that's the song. Soo please REVIEW ! and thanks for reading!**

"C'mon Britt, were leaving." I got in the car, slamming the door and searching for napkins to wipe the blue off my face.

"You're blue." Brittany said. _No fucking duh. Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Britt._ I said to myself. I settled on using tissues to wipe the slushy off, since there were no napkins to be found.

"Yeah, um, blonde bitch in the hallway thought it'd be better to listen to Karofsky than me, and ended up slushying me." I sighed, resting my sticky face on the steering wheel.

"_Again?" _Brittany asked, like she couldn't beleive I got slushied again by the same kid. I know, I couldn't beleive it either.

"Yeah, whatever. I need to get home anyways." Britt looked out the window, like she could tell I was upset and didn't want to make things worse. I took her hand, smiling at her,

"I'm fine, Britt. Just in a little bit of a hurry. But c'mon, we'll take the long way home. I'd rather spend a little more time with you." She grinned at me, making everything in my day worth it.

"I love you, San."

"I love you too, Britt." I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek before starting the car and driving her home. I couldn't help but realize everything that had happened over the past few weeks. How i'd told glee club about me and Brittany, how they'd just been happy for us and treated us all the same. No one in school really understood what was going on. All they knew was that Santana Lopez has gone 2 weeks without a boyfriend, 2 weeks without even sleeping with someone, and they were all really confused. I held hands with Britt down the hallway, and a few people stared, but they just didn't make the connection. I'd even had a few guys ask me out, and think I was kidding when I said 'no, I'm a lesbian." They just had it drilled in there brains that I was straight. I needed them to get that I wasn't, but deep inside, I knew that it was what was holding me together. It was like living with one foot in each world. But I knew that wasn't going to satisfy Britt much longer. And then there was Karofsky. The biggest closeted gay in the school, but he still had the guts to pay some freshman to slushy _me _for being gay. He should've known better than to pull something like that. Santana Lopez doesn't get intimidated, or scared off, or whatever he was trying to do. I just get pissed, and I take revenge where I can get it. Karofsky was going to come out tomorrow whether he was ready or not. I'd make sure of that.

"Britt, did I pass your house?" I asked, noticing that I was in too deep of thought to pay attention to where I was driving, and was at least 2 miles from her house.

"Yeah, a few minutes ago." She said like it was no big deal.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, turning the car around.

"I thought we were going to the turkey farm."

"There's no such thing as a turkey farm, britt." I told her, trying not to laugh.

"Lord Tubbington came from one." She argued.

"Did he tell you that?" I asked, still trying desperately not to laugh.

"No, he wrote it in my diary." And that's where I lost it. A huge smile appeared on my face.

"What?" Britt asked, like we were having a perfectly normal conversation a few seconds ago.

"Nothing." I laughed as I continued driving down the road, until we pulled into Britt's neighborhood. She just stared out of the window, like she was lost in her own world. I looked at her, her perfect blonde hair, her perfect dancers body, and even though she wasn't looking at me, I could almost see her perfect blue eyes, and her absolutely perfect smile. I could've stared at her all day, except for the hurry I was in.

"C'mon, Britt. We're here. I'll walk you in." I took her hand, but she looked at me and right away I could tell she was upset. I just didn't know why.

"What's the matter?" I asked, immediately concerned.

"I don't like being home. No one talks to me like they used to, and even Lord Tubbington doesn't sleep in my room anymore. And now you don't like to come over either. I think my house is haunted." She said, completely serious. I sighed, not sure how to say this.

"Lord Tubbington probably doesn't sleep in your room anymore cause' you shut the door when you go to sleep, Britts. I don't think your house is haunted. I think your house is perfect, just like you."

"Then how come you don't sleep over anymore?"

"Well," I tried to find an easy way to put it. "I'm trying to give your parents some space, until, you know, they get used to the idea...I don't want to make them unconfortable with anything." She smiled, and leaned into kiss me. _At least, not unconfortable yet._ I said to myself, smiling into her kiss. I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her closer to me. She pulled away, all of the sudden, and looked at me,

"Will you still walk me in?" She asked, a little upset.

I took the keys out of the ignition, and responded

"Of course, Britt. Let's go, I'm in a little bit of a hurry." And as much as I knew that the more time I took, the worse things were gonna be, I also knew I'd give _anything_ to be able to spend just a few more minutes with Brittany. She handed me the key from her cheer bag to open her front door. (She liked it better when I unlocked the door. She'd get confused.)

"Hi Brittany," Her mom started when she saw her come in the house. "Hello Santana." She finished when she saw me behind Britt.

"Hi Mrs. Peirce, just dropping Britt off and then I'm going home. Thanks, I'll see you guys later." I smiled at her, trying to be as polite as I could, which was not something I'm generally great at. Adults sort of bother me, they think that they're so much better than the teenagers, when half the time, teenagers make better choices than they do. I can't stand most of them, with maybe the exception of Ms. Holliday, and _sometimes_ Mr. Schue. Like when he gives me solo's for example, or let's me stay at his house. Or acts like he's the _one_ person other than Britt that actually cares about me. Or compliments me. Or doesn't look at me disguisted when he finds out about something I did. Or when he's the only adult that I feel actually _loves me. _Okay, so most of the time. Alright, whatever, _all _the time.

"Thank you, Santana. Um, I know you're parents get back today...Are you- Where are you planning on staying?" She asked, as my heart began to beat a little bit louder. Britt's parents knew that things didn't go very well between me and my parents that night, but I didn't tell her everything. She just thought that we had a big fight.

"I was going to go home, talk to them, see if they still felt the same way. I'd like to stay home, but if my mom and dad don't want me too, I'll find somewhere to go." I couldn't just throw Mr. Schue under the bus, especially after I told him that I wouldn't tell anyone. I gave Britts mom one last smile before turning around to leave.

"Bye, San." I heard Britt say. I could feel her eyes on me as she watnched me go.

"By Britts." I smiled to her even though I knew she couldn't see me. The drive home was lonely, and quiet. But I just couldn't get Brittany out of me mind. Today had been almost _perfect. _And it kind of scared me. In my world, life is hard, it sucks, and it's pretty much unfair _all the time._ But so far, nothing really _bad_ has happened. I felt like I was walking on egg shells. I didn't have this good of luck. The entire drive home, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about all the things that might go bad now. My question was answered as I pulled onto my steet. There, parked in my driveway, was my mom and dad's car. I gulped, ready to turn around and just keep driving. _All of this is for Britt so suck it up, your Santana Fucking Lopez, NO one scares you. Just go in the damn house! _I yelled at myself as I opened the car door, getting out. I went up to the house, shaking so bad I could barely shove the key into the lock. I opened the door, walking in and dropping my cheer bag onto the wooden floor to get their attention. Both of them turned around, quickly, and found my staring at them.

"Mom, Dad." I greeted them with an edge to my voice.

"What are you doing here?" My dad asked, looking at me like I was the worst thing he'd ever seen.

"I live here." I responded casually, knowing what his response would be.

"Not anymore. Get out." He sounded mad.

"No. Dad, you can't change who I am by kicking me out of the house. We already went through this."

"I don't want these kind of...choices, around me and my wife. And I'd be happy to go through this again." And that's what caused me to explode like a bomb. Yeah, I guess you could say I didn't have the _best_ temper.

"Dad! She's not just your wife, okay? Remember that she's also my mom! The one who carried me inside her for nine months and took care of me for eighteen years! And then I tell you guys the one thing about me that I'd never told anyone but Brittany, and you make me feel ashamed of myself? Dad, the fucking _spanish teacher_ has been more of a father than you ever have, and our sex ed substitute was more of a mom than you could ever be!" I looked at my mom for the last part.

"I'd known Mr. Schue for a while from spanish class when I joined Glee, and all he knew about me was that I was the biggest slut in school, I slept with almost the entire football team, and that I was like a miniature Sue Sylvester, who he _hated._ Yet, I go to his club, _spying and he knew it_, and he still treated me better than you guys! I treat him like shit, tell him I'm a fucking lesbian, and he makes me feel like for once that's okay. Ms. Holliday helped me understand what was going on between me and Britt, because yeah, I had to go to the damn substitute teacher for help because I knew I couldn't tell my own parents. And then you sit here and tell me something is wrong with _me_." I didn't realize how long I'd been talking, or yelling I should say.

"Santana! Listen to yourself! You're saying that we're bad parents because we won't accept what's going on with you, but you're teachers are the ones encouraging this sick behavior!" My mom yelled at me.

"No mom! They're encouraging me to be _me! _And for me to say it's okay to be who I am!" I argued. I wondered why my dad had shut up.

"Brittany...?" He asked slowly, as I realized before now, I'd never told him anything about me and Britt. He just thought we were friends. Shit, now he knew about her too.

"Brittany did this to you?" He repeated.

"No one did this to me! Do you not understand the concept of being gay dad? It's not something someone does to you! I was born like this, I just never told you, because I didn't know what all these feelings meant until Britt and Ms. Holliday helped me figure it out! I used to be like you guys, thinking it was so gross to be gay, until I realized that I only thought it was gross because I was hiding it from myself that I felt that way."

"It's not right to be attracted to the same sex, Santana." His voice was low again.

"It doesn't matter who the fuck your attracted to dad, it only matters who you you fall in love with." I quoted Ms. Holliday, just adding one of my favorite words in there.

"You can't be in love with girls!" He whined like a little kid.

"I'm in love with Brittany." I stated, walking to the stairs, ignoring my dad telling me to come back. I walked up into my room, still trying not to cry, as I packed most of my things into my cheer bag, since that's the only bag I owned. I trotted back down the stairs, knowing my parents were going to attempt to yell at me till I turned straight again. Sometimes I wondered how their brains worked.

"Dad, you can't change this. I'm gay, I'm in love with my best friend, yeah, I think girls are hot. There's nothing you can do about it. So you can kick me out right now, and I'm never _ever_ coming back, or you can let me stay, and learn to deal with it. I'm the same kid I've always been, just now you _know_. Things wouldn't change." I wanted desperately for him to hug me and tell me he loved me like he did when we were little, but it didn't at all surprise me when he said,

"Santana, get out."

"You guys are fucking wrong, you know that? You don't want this in your damn life? Well guess what, I don't either. But I can't change how I feel, and I've spent most of my life ignoring how I felt about Britt, so that I could please you guys. I'm done fighting it. You know, you guys really are shitty parents." I slammed the door behind me, and ran to my car, finally letting the tears spill out. I rested my head against the steering wheel, until I was calm enough to at least talk on the phone.

"Hi, Mr. Schue? Is it okay if I come over now?" I asked awkwardly.

"I'm not home, but I'll call Emma and let her know you're on your way. Do you remember where I live?"

"Yeah."I'll see you later Mr. Schue." I hung up the phone, remembering when we all met at his house the first year of Glee Club when we lost regionals to Vocal Adrenaline and Aural Intensity. I turned on the radio laughing at the song that was on. I remembered singing it in glee, or, watching everyone else sing it in Glee Club. I never really had a chance to, so why not now? It sure would fit the moment...I turned the volume up and started singing as loud as I could.

_ "__It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M. Just put your paws up, 'cause you were born this way, baby. My mama told me when I was young, we are all born superstars. She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on, in the glass of her boudoir. "There's nothing wrong with loving who you are" She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe". "So hold your head up girl and you'll go far. Listen to me when I say" _

_"I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way. Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way! Oh there ain't no other way. Baby I was born this way. Baby I was born this way! Oh there ain't no other way Baby I was born this way, I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way! Don't be a drag ‒ just be a queen, don't be a drag - just be a queen, don't be a drag - just be a queen. Don't be!"_

_"Give yourself prudence. And love your friends, Subway kid, rejoice your truth._  
><em>In the religion of the insecure I must be myself, respect my youth! A different lover is not a sin, Believe capital H-I-M (Hey hey hey) I love my life I love this record and, Mi amore vole fe yah!"<em>

_"I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way. Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way! Oh there ain't no other way. Baby I was born this way. Baby I was born this way! Oh there ain't no other way Baby I was born this way, I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way!"_

_"Don't be a drag, just be a queen, whether you're broke or evergreen. You're black, white, beige, chola descent, You're Lebanese, you're orient. Whether life's disabilities Left you outcast, bullied, or teased. Rejoice and love yourself today 'cause baby you were born this way! "_

_"No matter gay, straight, or bi, Lesbian, transgendered life, I'm on the right track baby, I was born to survive. No matter black, white or beige Chola or orient made, I'm on the right track baby, I was born to be brave!"_

_"I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way. Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way! Oh there ain't no other way. Baby I was born this way. Baby I was born this way! Oh there ain't no other way Baby I was born this way, I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way!"_

_"I was born this way hey! I was born this way hey! I'm on the right track baby I was born this way hey! I was born this way hey! I was born this way hey! I'm on the right track baby I was born this way hey!"_

_ "Same DNA, but born this way. Same DNA, but born this way." _

The song ended just as I pulled into Mr. Schue's neighborhood. I got out of the car and walked up to the door, knocking, and then standing stiffly behind it. Ms. Pillsbury opened it and let me in.

"Hi Ms. Pillsbury." I said, as she took my bag and let me in the house. I didn't even realize how late it was until I looked at the clock. _7:30?_ Glee ended around 3! How long did I stay with Brittany? Just thinking about her gave me a sudden urge to call her. I pulled out my phone, and had one missed message from my mom. _You forgot you're toothbrush. _That's all it said. I don't know why, but I started cracking up laughing. She was just yelling at me about how she did't agree with my life choices, and she texts me to tell me that I forgot my toothbrush? Reason number 2 adults bother me, they _make no sense._

"Everything okay?" Ms. Pillsbury looked at me like she had no clue what was going on. Or maybe she always looks like that.

"Just fine."

"Are you hungry?" She asked me.

"A little bit, but it's okay, I'm usually hungry."

"Would you like a Peanut Butter and jelly sandwhich?"

I laughed at how little kiddish that was.

"Sure, I haven't had one in forever." I smiled at her.

"Yeah, most people haven't." She laughed, getting up and going into the kitchen to make me a sandwhich. Some people are just naturally nice. I mean, I probably made her OCD go over the top a few times, finding out about me "doing the dirty" as she liked to say, or walking in on me and some random football player in the janitors closet. Plus, my unnessicary comments about Carl the dentist. I mean, come on, that guy was _hot,_ and I'm not even into guys! So yeah, she'd have every reason in the world to not like me, yet here she is making me the first PB&J sandwhich i've had in years. Maybe normal people are just better then what I'm used to. It sickened me to think that I, me, _Santana Lopez_ was actually getting help from the _ginger OCD freak_ and my _spanish teacher!_ I mean, okay, I got help from Britt all the time. But most of the time if wasn't because I really needed help, it was because I wanted to see that look on her face when she thought she helped me with something. I never _ever_ got help, or got scared, _ever, _yet here I am, sitting on the couch that belongs to Mr. Schue, getting help from adults who have every right in the world to hate me, and terrified to go into my own house. What love can do to people. I sighed, as I saw Ms. Pillsbury emerge from the kitchen. I put a smile on my face to cover how I really felt.

She brought out my sandwhich, handing it to me as Mr. Schue walked in the house.

"Hi Mr. Schue!" I yelled with a mouth full of the _best_ PB&J sandwhich ever.

"Hey Santana, how are you?" He asked.

"Good, I ran into my parents, and they kicked me out for good, said some pretty mean things, but it's okay, I'm used to it by now." I lied. I didn't tell him it felt like someone grabbed my heard with a cold metal fist and ripped it out. Or like my brain was turned to ice, or how much I felt like a little kid, just standing there defensless as my parents critisized my life. I didn't tell him how if felt to have your mom and dad tell you that they can't love you because you don't love the person they want you to love. It's easier to lie. That's one of the things my parents taught me. Sure, it was harder in the long run, and it just made life more painful. But at least for the moment it was easy. I needed more that just my will to change to completely change who I am, to be who Britt wants me to be. I know she loves just the way I am, but she'd rather me be less of a bitch (the one thing I wont change) and be a little more open and nice to people. She just wants me to be happy.

"Don't worry, I won't be here for long. Just until I can find somewhere more permanent to stay." He just nodded, unsure of how to reply. I shrugged and continued eating my sandwich. Just today, I did so many things I'd promised myself I'd never do. All in one day. What was going on? This was so..._un-Santana_ of me. I liked to beleive that this would all blow over in a few days and I'd be back to my normal self, but I knew I just couldn't be such a bitch to the people that were so accepting of me in the first place. Except Berry, she annoyed the shit out of me, and they encourage you to be yourself in Glee Club, right? What if me is just being a bitch to Rachel Berry when she acts like a snobby know it all. I didn't know what was going on with me, what was happening in my life. . All I knew, was that tomorrow would be great, I'd make sure of that, and Karofsky would finally get what he deserves.

"Santana...I know that face, the eyes and the smirk. You're plotting aren't you." Mr. Schue didn't even say it as a question. He knew me too well. I caught how he said _plotting_ instead of _thinking_ or _planning._ I just smiled innocently at him, even though I'm the farthest thing from innocent.

**A/N- Hey guys, thanks for reading! PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks, next chapter should be up sometime nthis week, hopefully. And I'm almossstttt done with this...don't forget to review! (: And like, you all probably know this, but the song was Born This Way ...by lady GaGa...aha(: yeah like you most likely knew that, but whatever! I put it just in case some some people don't know! I mean, if they watch glee they would, i would hope, but sometimes you just never know ahha alright thanks and REVIEW! **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- Okay guys thanks sooo much for reading this and even more of a thanks to those who took the time to review! I love to get feedback, so please let me know how i'm doing with this fanfic! Enjoy the next chapter...this is almost done by the way ..and sorry about the long wait, my mom locked my computer cause' I got grounded so I couldn't go in the internet, which i needed to get song lyrics! Haha kay enjoyyy(;**

I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as I marched into the school, my hand in Britts and my head held high. Today was definately going to be something to remember. I had it all set up, the video camera in the locker room (yeah, i know they aren't supposed to be in there, but sue has her way of making things against the rules happen.), Kurt, uh, _volunteered,_ with a little push from me to help out, and I got Artie (well, i got Britt to ask Artie, since i refuse to talk to Stubbles McCripples pants without being able to push his wheelchair down the stairs) to ask some of the AV club kids to help put my little...anouncement, up for the whole school to see duiring the pep ralley today. I know that it's wrong, and probably a little overboard, but hey, no one, and i mean _no one_ messes with Santana Lopez without me doing something about it.

"Please, Santana, don't make me do this." Kurt whined as he chased me down the hallway. Brittany was trying to play with his hair.

"Not now, Britt." I told her pulling her hand away by taking it with my own. She looked like she was trying to pout, but she couldn't keep a smile off of here face.

"C'mon Porcelain! You promised me!" I told Kurt.

"Not really, Satan. I mean, Santana. You told me you'd make my life hell if I didn't do it. I'm pretty sure thats called blackmail, not a promise..."

"Whatever! Just do it! Or I'll make Mr. Warbler do it." I threatened.

"Fine, Blaine wouldn't do something like than anyways. Besides, he's not a Warbler anymore, Santana! He's part of new directions now."

"Yeah, until we get our entire setlist out and he just so happens to get transfered back into homo explosion school. Besides, I have a way with making guys do _whatever_ I want them to." I smirked at him.

"We're not talking about Jesse St. James. And Santana, you have a way of making _straight_ guys do almost anything you want, before you ended up not being straight anyways."

"Whatever! Just do it Hummel." I gave him my HBIC look and he nodded, sighing and saying something that was probably supposed to _hurt my feelings_, but I was in way too good of a mood to have anything ruin my day.

"Goodmorning Santana. I was just wondering if maybe-" I heard a squeaky voice behind me say, obviously Rachel, before I cut her off.

"Look, Hobbit. I'm not interested." I spat without turning around. Berry always found a way to annoy me.

"You didn't even know what I was going to say." She argued.

"I don't care, Manhands."

"You expect us to be there for you when you're going through you're _time of need_, but look at how you treat us all, Santana. Just remember, the kids in the school don't completely understand what's going on with you. They think you're still straight, and that's why they haven't been all over you yet. When you need friends, not the cheerios but people who _really_ care about you, I hope you know that we're not going to be there for you, not when you treat all of us like this. I mean, look what Quinn has done for you, and you've spent years trying to kill eachothers reputation. She does all of this for you, and you don't even know what's going on with her, do you? Have you even seen her recently? Or Puck? Do you know what they're going through? Or how about Kurt. You're going through exactly what he's had, and still is going through. Yet you still make jokes about his sexuality when you're the same way! You treat us all just as bad as usual, but remember, we're the ones you can truly count on. Don't ruin that, or you might get in to deep to be able to dig yourself out. And I was _going_ to ask if you wanted my solo for the pep ralley today. I thought you'd do a better job with his. _My mistake._"

"Nice metaphor Berry, but trust me, I've been _in deep_ before, and I still managed to _get myself out_." I started, as Rachel made a disguisted face, understanding the 2 meanings of my sentence.

"Thanks for the lecture, but I could care less what you have to say. And also, Berry, you talk to much." I walked away, feeling on the verge of tears. What she said really got to my heart, but I just couldn't help but be the same bitch I usually am. _She was going to give me her solo? Is she okay?_

"That was mean." Britt said, pointing out the obvious like usual.

"I know, Britt. I'm sorry, it's just that, today's kind of a big day, and I'm stressed, and I'm scared, and-" For the first time in a while Brittany actually cut me off.

"She's right, you know."

"What?"

"Rachel, she's right. You expect so much from them, but you never give them anything in return. Why can't you treat them like you treat me?" Sometimes she was just so smart.

"I'm scared." I whispered, barely audible enough to understand. But Britt knew me well enough to read my lips.

"Of what?" I hesitated, but she waited patiently.

"People, trust, frienship, love. I'm scared that as soon as I completely trust someone, they're going to dissapear. Or, as soon as I admit that I love someone, I'm scared they won't feel the same way. That's why it took so long for me to admit I was in love with you Britt. It wasn't that you weren't good enough, it was because because I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same way. I'm scared that as soon as I let my walls down, somebody's gonna hurt me, or that as soon as I tell someone a seret, they tell everyone else. It's all fear Britt. I'm scared that if I let the Glee Club learn more about me, like all the stuff I'd told you but no one else, I'm afraid they won't treat me the same. I'll lose my power and my position, but what if they don't like me anymore?" I didn't mean to talk for so long, but the words just came pouring out of me.

"They don't like you _now, _San. I'm not telling you to tell them everything about you. I just think you should be nicer to them, especially since they're the only ones who know what you're going through." I didn't have anything to say, just shocked about what Britt said. People never understood how smart she really was. I reached out and hugged her, considering giving Karofsky another chance. That's what Britt would do. She'd forgive him, and not make him do something he isn't ready for. My mind changed when I felt Britt tense up. Felt something cold touch my fingertips. I knew what was happening before I even looked up. Standing in front of me was David Karofsky and Azimio holding empty slushy cups. And Britt had purple slushy dripping down my face. Everything happened in a blur after that.

"Slushy me all you want Karofsky, but don't you even fucking try and do _anything_ to Brittany. Remember, I got something over you, something that might accidenly..._slip_ to the rest of McKinnley High!" I yelled getting so close to him I could smell his bitter breath.

"You wouldn't do that." He said, matter-of-factly, not even the slightest bit worried. I don't know why, but that really set me off. I slammed my fist into his nose, feeling each crack as he cried out in pain. Blood dripped down his face, as I walked away, saying,

"Yeah, I would. And I just might." Without looking back. Screw another chance, I told myself as I led Britt into the bathroom.

"It didn't get on my uniform right?" She asked as i started washing slushy out of her hair. It didn't seem to get on anything other than her hair and face.

"Nope, you're all clean." I smiled at her, letting her up to examine herself in the mirror. I stared at her reflection, soaking in everying I saw. Wow. She was truly beautiful.

_** **After Lunch****_

"Welcome McKinnley High Glee Club!" I heard Figgins say as the curtains opened, revealing the girls on the stage. Since Sue decided not to put her cheerios in the pep rally (she refuses to tell us why.), Glee club got 2 songs. Mr. Schue decided to split it up boys and girls again, and let us pick our songs. Brad started the piano, Rachel taking the first verse.

_"__There's only two types of people in the world. The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe. Well baby I'm a put-on-a-show kinda girl, Don't like the backseat, gotta be first (oh, oh). I'm like the ringleader, I call the shots (call the shots), I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot (make it hot) When I put on a show."_

Brittany came to the front of the stage taking the next part, while we all continued our dance that Britt and Rachel spent hours together choreographing. __

_"I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins (hah, hah, hah), Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break (hah, hah, hah), I'm like a performer, the dance floor is my stage (hah, hah, hah)  
>Better be ready, hope that ya feel the same (hah, hah, hah). "<em>

I wasn't supposed to take the chorus, but Rachel made eye contact with me during Britt's part, and I could tell she wanted me to do it. I didn't have time to think about why.__

_"All the eyes on me in the center of the ring, Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah). When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip, Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah). Don't stand there watching me, follow me, Show me what you can do. Everybody let go, we can make a dance floor  
>Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho)." <em>I finished my part, letting Britt take the next part. (She REALLY liked singing Brittany Spears songs and Ke$ha songs)__

_"There's only two types of guys out there, Ones that can hang with me, and ones that are scared. So baby I hope that you came prepared, I run a tight ship, so beware, I'm like a ring leader, I call the shots. I'm like a fire cracker, I make it hot when I put on a show." _She finished, signaling Tina to continue with the Bridge.

_"I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins (hah, hah, hah), Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break (hah, hah, hah), I'm like a performer, the dance floor is my stage (hah, hah, hah)  
>Better be ready, hope that ya feel the same (hah, hah, hah). "<em>

She finished, glancing around for Mercedes to take the chorus.

_ ""All the eyes on me in the center of the ring, Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah). When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip, Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah). Don't stand there watching me, follow me, Show me what you can do. Everybody let go, we can make a dance floor Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho)." _

We all sang the next part. __

_"Let's go..(ah, ah, ahaha-hah), Let me see what you can do..(ah, ah, ahaha-hah) I'm running this. Yeah, like what..?"_

Quinn took the next part, but immediately I noticed she wasn't really into it.

_ "I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins (hah, hah, hah), Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break (hah, hah, hah), I'm like a performer, the dance floor is my stage (hah, hah, hah)  
>Better be ready, hope that ya feel the same (hah, hah, hah). "<em>

Britt took the chorus again, finishing the song with the rest of us. __

_"All the eyes on me in the center of the ring, Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah) When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah) Don't stand there watching me, follow me Show me what you can do Everybody let go, we can make a dance floor Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah) _

The rest of the girls joined in at,

"_All the eyes on me in the center of the ring Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah) When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah) Don't stand there watching me, follow me Show me what you can do Everybody let go, we can make a dance floor Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho)."_

The crowd rose up clapping for us. Well, except the cheerios. Sue didn't allow them to clap for us.

"Thanks for listening to our Glee Girls! Now, get ready for the Glee Guys!" Mr Schue Announced so we could all get off the stage that way the boys could come in and do their song.

Puck walked out first, starting the song with no one behind him.

_"I've paid my dues Time after time I've done my sentence But committed no crime And bad mistakes I've made a few I've had my share of sand kicked in my face But I've come through  
>(And we mean to go on and on and on and on)!" <em>

Artie came out next, holding a guitar and being pushed by Finn, followed immediately by Kurt and Mike. Kurt sang the next part._  
><em>_  
><em> "_We are the champions my friend And we'll keep on fightin' till the end We are the champions, We are the champions No time for losers 'cause we are the champions..."_

They all sang,

"_Of the world_!"

Finn continued singing the next part.

_ "I've taken my bows And my curtain calls You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it...I thank you all!_

Artie sang the next phrase while still playing his guitar. _  
><em>  
><em> "But it's been no bed of roses, No pleasure cruise! I consider it a challenge before the whole human race And I ain't gonna lose!"<em>

Kurt excitedly sang the next part of the song._  
><em>  
><em> "We are the champions my friend And we'll keep on fighting till the end We are the champions We are the champions No time for losers 'cause we are the champions..."<em>

All 5 of the boys sang out,_  
><em>_  
><em>_ "Of the world!"_

Finn took the last part,

_ "We are the champions my friend And we'll keep on fighting till the end We are the champions...We are the champions. No time for losers..."_

Everyone sang,

_ "'cause we are the champions!"_

Everyone (with the exception of the cheerios) stood up and clapped for them as well. I started getting nervous, and I could tell Kurt felt sick too, as Mr. Schue tried to rope more kids into the club. They all began talking to their friends as soon as he said,

"Glee Club needs new members!" They didn't listen to a single thing he said. But I didn't blame them, I wouldn't have listened either. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for..._Quinn_. I needed to thank her. It wasn't my style, at _all._ But she's the reason I'm in Glee Club in the first place, she's was the friend I needed when Britt and Puck weren't there, she was the little girl in 6th grade that that stood up for me when that kid hit me back after I hit him. I owed a lot to Quinn, as much as I dislike her most of the time, and as much as I hate to admit it, I loved Quinn. Not like Britt, that's just be _creepy_, but as a best friend. And other than Puck and Britt, she _was_ my best friend. I needed to thank her somehow. But these dramatic moments were just not my thing at all...I'd do something somehow to repay here though, even if she doesn't know it's me, I'll find something to do to pay her back for all she's done for me. But first, we have some business to deal with: _Karofsky._

"Mr. Schue, I'd like to say something."

He looked startled.

"Uh, sure...Here's the microphone." He handed it to me, looking confused, unsure of what I was going to do. The AV kids knew exactly what was happening. They got everything hooked up while I talked to Figgins, telling him that this should only take about 10 minutes, that way they could get on with the pep rally.

"This school, it's basically like any other school. And like a wise Sue Sylvester once said, 'this school is like a caste system.' She's right though. And we all know it. That's why we try so hard to be football players or cheerios. It's because we want to be popular. I know I've got a reputation for lying and manipulating other people, and yeah, more than that, so I wont blame you if you don't believe me when I tell you that someone on _our_ football team, that is _not_ Kurt Hummel, even though he quit, is gay. I know it's wrong to out somebody if they aren't ready, I know how bad it is, but you know I have reasons this time, it's because I'm trying to be a bi- a stuck up cheerleader," I caught myself, "It's because this person has given me so many reasons to do this to him. Just watch this video and see for yourself." I pointed at she screen behind me as the AV kids turned it on. I could see Karofsky in the distance looking around frantically to see if there were any other nervous looking football players, the ones I could be talking about. What was that feeling in my gut..._guilt?_ no, I didn't feel guilty.

"_I'm just trying to help you!" The Kurt on the video screen said._

_ "I don't need your help! I don't even know if I'm gay for sure or not! Maybe bi or something, I don't know." The Karofsky on the TV looked miserable._

_ "Just come out, things get so much easier." Kurt tried to reason with him._

_ "No, I'm not going to turn into some kind of loser. Maybe once I'm out of here I'll come out, but not now."_

_ "Why are you so afraid?" Kurt asked._

_ "Same reason Santana Lopez is! We've got a rep. that isn't worth breaking. Now get out of here Hummel, I don't want people asking questions, and remember, you don't tell anyone this."_

_ Kurt got up and ran out of the locker room, as Karofsky watched him go, he slammed his head against the lockers looking like he was on the verge of tears. _

I expected everyone to be looking at him, making him feel humiliated like he did to me when he slushied me and Britt. But the people in the audience only seemed so catch one part of that video. "_Same reason Santana Lopez is."_ They all just stared at me. This wasn't supposed to be MY public announcement! This was his! Just as I felt like I would break down crying, I heard someone talk into one of the extra microphones.

"How is it that one of the most homophobic guys in this school is gay? We're not doing this just to try and embarrass Dave Karofsky, we're doing this because we want him to know what he put Kurt through each and everyday, and any other gay kid in this school." It was Quinn, working her magic words. Just another thing I'd have to thank her for.

"I'm not gay! That's edited or something!" I heard Karofsky scream from the bleachers.

"Just accept that it's time for you to come out! I'm done seeing you mess with Kurt." I said into the microphone.

"I think you're done seeing me mess with _Brittany._" He shouted back.

Britt looked up when she heard her name. Naturally, she looked right at me. She smiled when she noticed me looking at her, like she had no idea what was going on. I couldn't help but smile back at her, which probably didn't make the situation any better. I just went for it before I lost my courage.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sick of seeing you bully people for being different, when your just as different as the rest of us. I don't like seeing you mean to Kurt or Blaine, but I _hate_ when you do anything to Brittany." The crowd was watching us like some kind of reality TV shows. The teachers hadn't even tried to stop us yet.

"Remember our deal? You broke you're end, so guess what. I got something to show the school, in honor of you."

"No."

He laughed,

"No? That's it?"

"No, you're not going to show anything."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm going to do it myself." He just stared at me completely utterly entirely shocked.

I motioned for Britt to come over by me.

"Losers of McKinley High, I'm gay." And just like that, I grabbed Britt's waist, pulled her up against me, and kissed her. Like _REALLY_ kissed her. In front of the entire school. It seemed like the world disappeared as I pressed my lips to hers, he fingers tangling and twisting through my hair as I rubbed up and down her back, then realizing how awkward this was. We were making out in front of the entire school...today was definitely weird. I pulled away, as one kid shouted,

"No way! I've heard stories about you at parties, your just drunk!"

"Kid, trust me, I do _a lot_ worse things than that when I'm drunk." And with that, I grabbed Britt's hand and pulled her behind the stage with the rest of the glee kids following, anxious to get away from the crowd that just realized what happened. I broke down. I don't know why, but I just couldn't hold it in any longer. With everything that had happened, I fell apart in Brittany's arms, crying until my throat hurt.

"Santana?" I heard Quinn say. I looked up, and saw Figgins standing there.

"Santana, Brittany, I need you guys in my office. Along with Kurt." And that's when I noticed Karofsky standing next to him, giving me a look that clearly said he wished I was dead. I followed the them into Figgins office, standing between Kurt and Britt with my eyes puffy and red.

"Yes?" I sat down in a chair, sounding bored.

"You three have broken a lot of school rules today! First Santana, you not only displayed a very personal conversation to a public audience, but you also managed to get cameras into to the boys locker room! And not only that, you managed to gain access to them? How do you explain that?"

"Talk to Sue. I'm sure she'd _LOVE _explaining herself."

"Yes, well, okay, Sue has her reasons. We'll move on. You and Brittany had a moment of a VERY public display of VERY intimate...affection. That's not allowed in school." I leaned forward in my chair.

"With all due respect, _sir_, you do realize you have the only 4 gay kids in this school, besides Blaine, sitting in your office, as you try and punish us. I think this is a very clear sign of homophobia, and with Sue going for Congress, I don't think you'd want her to slip saying that the principal of McKinley High is discriminating against his students. I mean, look at this. It's sad. Your racist, sexist, and homophobic. You don't like me, cause I'm Hispanic, you don't like seeing women in a position of power, and to add to It, I'm gay. Do you know how this is going to look if I press charges? I could have you fired. Do you really want that? You see kids doing much worse in the halls than what I did out there with Britt. You've seen _me_ do worse things in the janitors closet with Puck than what happened out there and you never brought us in. You didn't suspend anyone for PDA before, so why start now? Because, you don't like gay people."

I leaned back in my chair, satisfied with my response. He kept trying to talk while I was in the process of my ...speech, but I never let him.

"You may all go to class." He sighed, obviously upset he couldn't even argue with his own students.

What was that about? What has been going on today? First Rachel giving up her lines in the songs, then -wait...Rachel...where did Rachel go? She wasn't in the back with the rest of us...Today was definitely not right. I needed to figure out what was going on.

_ "_Hey, Britt. Where's Berry?"

"Maybe she got scared after you yelled at her in the hallway and then stole her lines on stage." She suggested.

"Okay, I didn't _yell..._and she gave me her lines on stage! Besides, I don't think that's it. Something is going on with her, Puck, and Quinn today, probably the last couple days. I've just been too wrapped up in you and my life to notice. Not that I usually notice when something is wrong..." I looked up at the ceiling, upset that they didn't feel like they could tell me. Well, okay, that had a very good reason to, but still.

"Maybe Quinn or Puck will sing about it in there song during Glee Club..." Brittany tried to boost my mood. I didn't like when she thought I was upset, so I put on a smile, faking it of course, but I've been smiling a fake smile for so many years, even I couldn't tell the difference anymore. I grabbed her hand and said,

"Yeah, You're probably right." We walked to Glee club, ditching the rest of our classes and just hanging out in the choir room. I didn't feel like seeing people anyway. Not people that had learned about me from the assembly. I didn't want to know what they had to say, and I was not in the mood to go all Lima Heights on some kid right now. I just wanted some alone time with Brittany.

_ "_Berry!" I shouted as soon as the door opened. I pulled away from Britt (I promise, we were just talking and she had her head on my shoulder. That's it!), and ran over to the door. She saw me, and turned around to leave. I grabbed her by the neck of her shirt.

"What is wrong with you Man-hands? You're acting...almost normal today."

"Since when do you care, Santana. I thought you hated me."

"Well, hate is a strong word, but that's not the point! What's wrong with you."

"Don't you find it weird that I'm kind of like...Quinn's step daughter in law or something like that?" I just looked at her, completely stunned as she walked away. I looked at Britt for help explaining. I mean, she was the _queen _or random comments. But even Britt looked confused.

Once all the glee kids had shuffled into their seats, Mr. Schue walked in, with a doe-eyed red head following him. We all stared at Ms. Pillsbury, unsure why she was here.

"She just wanted to watch you all sing...that's all. Okay, now we don't have too much time so why don't you start us off...Quinn?"

She nodded her head, walking down to the front of the room.

"Okay, I know that even though I'm not as bad as Santana, I still act pretty closed off around you guys. So you probably haven't really noticed much, but a lot has changed for me. I'd like to sing my song before I tell you guys anything, so yeah, I'll explain when the songs over.

She took a deep breath and started,

_"Don't take me to the tower, And take my child away. It was I who was The hourglass. And the sands of time like Shattering glass went past me Like a tunnel to the sea And I who went to sleep as two Woke up as one now only you remain You'll close your eyes and travel back To the time when the light went fading fast And the words you'll never, never forget, oh no As you slipped away Goodbye baby I hope your heart's not broken Don't forget me Yes I was outspoken You were with me all the time I'll be with you one day And I who went to sleep in tears Woke up in tears, for all of the years And I who never, never said goodbye As I slipped away Goodbye baby hope your heart's not broken Don't forget me Yes I was outspoken You were with me all the time I'll be with you one day Goodbye baby I hope your heart's not broken Don't forget me Yes I was outspoken You were with me all the time I'll be with you one day Yes, I'll be with you one day."_ By the end of the song she looked ready to cry.

"I miss my baby, I wish I'd never given her up. I know I would've been a bad parent to her, I couldn't be like Shelby...but I just love my daughter, and I wish I could still be a part of her life. "

I don't know why, but I just had a sudden urge to go down there and hug her. Well, I guess she did the same thing for me. I walked down the steps and gave Quinn a hug.

"You would've been a great mom." I told her, which was about as comforting as I could do for her, before I went back to my seat.

"That was perfect Quinn. Your understanding this assignment better than I am. This isn't about telling secrets, it's about letting something huge off your chest to your real friends. Really good job Quinn. Okay, Puck? You want to go next?"

"Sure Mr. Schue." He said getting up and walking over to the front of the stage.

He started his song before saying anything,

"_As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me So I want to take this time out to apologize for things I have done And things that have not occurred yet And the things they don't want to take responsibility for I' m sorry for the times I left you home I was on the road and you were alone I'm sorry for the times that I had to go I'm sorry for the fact that I did not know That you were sitting home just wishing we Could go back to when it was just you and me I'm sorry for the times I would neglect I'm sorry for the times I disrespect. _

Come up to meet you, Tell you I'm sorry, You don't know how lovely you are had to find you, Tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart Tell me your secrets, And ask me your questions, _Aww let's go back to the start  
>Runnin' in circles, sounds like, Comin' our tails, Heads on the science apart...Nobody said it was easy It's such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be this hard Aww take me back to the start I was just guessin', At numbers and figures, Pullin' the puzzles apart Questions of science, Science and progress, Do not speak as loud as my heart Tell me you love me, Come back to haunt me, Oh when I rush to the start Runnin' in circles, [sounds like] Chasin' our tails, Comin' back as we are...<em>

_ I understand that there are some problems And I am not too blind to know All the pain you kept inside you Even though you might not show If I can apologize for being wrong Then it's just a shame on me I'll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me You can put the blame on me Said you can put the blame on me You can put the blame on me ..."_

Everyone just kind of looked at him weird. _What was he saying?_

"Sorry for the bad mash-up Mr. Schue. But both of those songs really help how I feel right now. I didn't really have enough time to put them together right, so I just sort of threw them together this morning...but it's the best I can do."

"It's great Puck. Really. Can you explain to us about it a little bit?"

"Uhh..okay. Well it says in the beginning, you know, the first song, that I'm starting to learn responsibility, and thats true. I'm starting to feel guilty about everything that I've put everyone through and I'm finally starting to realize that a lot of this is my fault. I can't just keep blaming all of my mistakes on other people. I mean, It's my fault Quinn's depressed. It's my fault she got pregnant in the first place. I can't blame her for getting pregnant when I'm the one that knocked her up. And all these girls that I played, I just feel guilty about leaving them alone all the time when I never even liked most of them and cheated on half of the ones I dated. Actually _loving_ someone, like Quinn, brought this to my attention, and now I'm afraid that It's all gonna' come back and bite me in the ass. Karma's a bitch sometimes. Just everyone I've been such a jerk to, I'm starting to really feel bad about all this shit I've don't to people and I don't want to be 'that guy' anymore. I want to be the guy Quinn can look down the hallway at and say "thats my boyfriend." Without feeling ashamed or embarrassed or whatever. I want to change, and that starts with taking responsibility."

"Great puck. Just watch the language, alright? Okay, next is Brittany!"

We all kind of shuffled around, unsure of what to expect at all. Sometimes she had her smart moments, and would blow us all away, outsmarting even Quinn sometimes. And then there was the normal Britt, where everything involved her cat, her diary, melted cheese, and/or something else totally random. We never knew what to expect from her.

_ "_ I couldn't decide what song to sing! I was going to sing space unicorn, cause' you guys know that I'm a unicorn. But San to me to pick something a little more deep, so I did the best I could and picked one a little more personal! Ready? I'm the best one in here, sorry Rachel but it's true." She said confidently. _  
><em>

_ "I love cats. I love every kind of cat. I just wanna hug all of them but I can't _Can't _hug every cat Can't hug every cat So anyway I am a cat lover. And I love to run.  
>I'm sorry I'm thinking about cats again. I really love cats I'm thinking about cats again. And again, and again and again and again I think about how many don't have a home And how I should have them I think about how cute they are And how their ears and the whiskers and the nose I just love them And I want them And I want them in a basket And I want little bow ties I just love them And I want them To be on a rainbow And in my bed And I just want us to roll around (to roll around) (round) (round) Sorry I'm getting emotional I love cats I love every kind of cat I just want to hug all of them But I can't Can't hug every cat Can't hug every cat So anyway I am a cat lover and I love to run I'm sorry I'm thinking about cats again I really love cats But I can't hug every cat Can't hug every cat Can't hug every cat..."<em>

And then she smiled at us like this was _completely_ normal. We all just gaped at her.

"See! I knew I'd leave you guys breathless!"

We didn't even know if we should clap. Well, I sort of clapped, because I felt like I should be supportive, but when no one else did, I just let my hands fall.

"Um...Brittany?" Mr. Schue finally spoke. She turned and looked at him.

"How does this relate to you in _any _sort of way...?"

"I tried to hug Lord Tubbington today, and he scratched me! I just love cats so much and I want to hug them all and cuddle with them all, but not every cat is huggable. This song goes perfect!" She said like it was common sense. The rest of us shot Mr. Schue glances that told him to just drop it. At least she didn't sing space unicorn. She'd been singing that to me the past two days non stop, it's her new favorite song.

"Well, that was...interesting. I'll see you guys next week! Um, Artie, Mercedes, and Kurt, you guys can go next week. Have a nice night!" He seemed more anxious than usual to leave. Usually he stayed just as long as Berry. I didn't really want to go back to his house, it was weird staying with a teacher. My only other other option was..._Well, I guess it's better than that OCD creature Mr. Schue lives with. _

_ "_Hey, Quinn? Can I talk you?" I looked her in the eyes, out of habit trying to let people know I'm always in charge of whatever is happening, but I was nervously patting my leg as she walked over to me.

"Yeah?"

"Uh, can I stay with you for a little while...It's just that staying with-"

"Sure." She smiled at me.

"Puck, Santana's coming with us tonight!" She yelled to him as we walked down the hallway.

"Great, my two favorite ladies!" He joked. Quinn almost looked jealous for a second before she remembered about me. I just smirked at him. Wow. A lot had changed between me and Quinn and we walked down the hallway. I remembered not that long ago that I'd beaten her up right there, and slushied her there, and almost got her kicked off the cheerios there. Not to mention whatever else I'd done to her over the years. So much changed from how it used to be. But I kind of like it better...kind of.

**A/N-Kay, thanks sooooooo much for reading! Happy late Halloween, aaaand, sorry if I can't upload for a while, I broke my wrist and it's really hard to type! Haha, iight thanks and review pleaaaaaaaaaase! oh! And the songs are (in order) :**

** Glee Girls- Circus by Brittany Spears**

** Glee Guys- We are the Champions by Queen**

** Quinn - Goodbye Baby by Fleetwood Mac**

** Puck- Blame It On Me by Akon, and The Scientist by Coldplay**

** Brittany- Can't Hug Every Cat by Debbie the Online Dater **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N-Alrightyy guys thanks for waiting and thanks for reading! I love your input when you review, and thanks to those that took the time to review! And did anyone else notice that season 2 is finally on netflix? Thank god, right? Aha, iight so thanks and enjoy!**

"Oh, Hi Santana, haven't seen you around in a _long_ time." Ms. Fabray said to me as Quinn and I walked through the doors.

"Uh, Yeah. Thanks for letting me stay with you tonight Ms. Fabray."

"No problem sweetie. Wow. You've grown up so much! I haven't seen you since freshman year. You look alot like your mother." She said. I bit my tongue to keep from saying how I wanted nothing to do with my mom, even if I was stuck with her god damn DNA, I didn't want her looks, or emotions, I didn't want to ever see her again.

"Thanks." I smiled an obvoiusly fake smile.

"Quinn said you were having trouble at home?" She asked, obviously wanting me to tell her what was going on. I played stupid.

"Yep." And with that, Quinn and I walked upstairs to Quinns bedroom.

"So, you said something about doing something with Puck tonight?" I started.

"Oh, yeah! We're gonna go to breadstix. You can invite Britt if you want. It could be like a double date." She said to me.

"No it's okay...3 girls and Noah Puckerman isn't a double date, its foursome waiting to happen."

"Uh, okay..." She looked at me weird. I knew sex kind of scared her, since she got pregnant after her first time.

"Santana, C'mon! He's here!" Quinn called as Puck pulled up to the driveway. He came in started talking to her mom, who didn't really like him too much since he got her pregnant. You know how mom's are.

"Bye Mom!" Quinn called out as we went outside.

"Im gonna gets me some breadsticks." I laughed, using me fake ghetto accent as Quinn and I piled into the back of Pucks Car. I ate so many breadsticks, the waitress tried to make me leave. But once she realized I was the same girl that got her co-worker fired for not giving me my breadsticks, she shut up. Who knew a real _date_ with Noah Puckerman could be fun. I mean, yeah, I wasn't the one here with him, but even when Puck and I were dating, it was just sex, sex, and more sex. We never went out anywhere. I'd never even really been on a real date. And thinking about that on the drive home is what gave me the best idea I'd had in weeks.

**The next day**

"Brittany?" I asked, kind of nervous.

"Yeah?" She said, turning away from her cat and looking straight at me.

"Will you do something with me?"

"Like what?" She looked more confused than usual.

"Well, I went out with Quinn and Puck last night, and a real date was actually kind of fun. Most of the guys i've dated, you know the relationships that lasted more than 12 hours, they never actually took me anywhere. I slept with them and then dumped them. Even Puck and I never went on a real date. And on the way home I realized I'm 18 years old, biggest slut in school, dated more guys than most adults, and I've never actually been on a _date. _So, tonight, if you want, I'm gonna take you out to breadstix, and we're gonna have a real date." I looked at her, waiting to see what she said.

You've changed alot San. I love you. And of course I want to!" She smiled at me, real excited.

"Thanks Britt. I love you too." I smiled at her as she continued petting Lord Tubbington.

"Brittany! I'm home!" I heard her mom yell as feet trudged up the stairs. I slid under her bed hoping her mom wouldn't see me. (yeah, _now_ her mom decides I can't be home alone with Britt either. She's almost 18 for crying out loud. Her mom is crazy strict though.) Unfortunately, she did see me. But first, she noticed the messy bed. Then she noticed me _under_ the messy bed. _Shit. She's gonna think something happened!_

"Um, Hi. I...found my glasses!" I said, pretending to find something on the floor. I didn't remember that I had perfect vision till after I said it.

"Santana honey, you don't wear glasses." She looked at me all concerned. _I'm not dumb, lady._ I mentally told her.

"Right. Its...my earing. I lost my earing." She just stared at me, like _how stupid do you think I am?_ This was not going good.

"Britt, dear, you didn't tell me that she was coming over..." Brittany's mom said with a slight edge to her voice.

"Sorry Mrs. Peirce. It wasn't planned. I stopped by to drop off Britt's cheer stuff that she left in my car, and she said she needed help because Lord Tubbington wasn't eating..so I helped her feed him and then we started talking..I've only been here for like 15 minutes." I said, which wasn't true at all. I'd been there for almost 2 hours. Britt just nodded at her mother.

"Alright Britt that's fine just next time let me know next time when you're having someone over." And she left. I thought I was going to get one of the _talks_ or something. At least it wasn't her dad that got home. But when he did get home, I decided to do things properly.

"Mr. Peirce?" I said, as I was walking to the door to go home and get ready.

"Yes?" He looked up from his magazine.

"Is it okay if I take Brittany out tonight?" I shuffled my feet awkwardly, not sure how this is supposed to work. I mean, I'm not a guy.

"Where to?" He just sounded curious.

"Breadstix. I'll bring her home right after."

He thought about if for a while, but eventually answered,

"Okay."

Just as I was leaving, he called out,

"santana?"

I turned my head, to see him smiling at me.

"Thanks for asking."

I smiled back at him, glad this went so well. Once I got back to Quinns, I showered and put my extra cheerios uniform on, since Sue required us to wear our uniform everywhere, even outside of school.

"Where are you going?" Quinn asked me as she walked in her room just as I was leaving.

"I'm taking Brittany out to Breadstix."

"Okay, have fun! You're coming back tonight, or staying at Britts?"

"Coming back. Her mom doesn't want me sleeping over."

"Sorry about that. Alright, see you later."She closed the door behind her as I walked down the stairs and into my car. The perfect song came on the radio. I was too nervous to sing along, but I let the music blare in my ears as I drove to her house.

_"In the car, I just can't wait. To pick you up on our very first date. Is it cool if I hold your hand? Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance? Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear? I'm so scared, of what you think. You make me nervous so I really can't eat! Let's go, don't wait, this nights almost over. Honest, lets make, this night last forever! Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever! Forever! and ever let's make this last forever. When you smile, I melt inside. I'm not worthy for a minute of your time. I really wish it was only me and you. I'm jealous of everybody in the room! Please don't look at me with those eyes. Please don't hint that you're capabe of lies. I dread the thought of our very first kiss, a target that I'm probably gonna miss! Let's go, don't wait. this nights almost over. Honest, let's make, this night last forever. Forever and ever, let's make this last forever! Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever! Let's go, don't wait, this nights almost over. Honest, let's make this night last forever. Forever and ever let's make this last forever! Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever. Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever! Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever! _

I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I pulled into her driveway, ready to do this. I took a deep breath, and just stared at the clock. I couldn't bring myself to get out of the car, or to stop shaking. But finally, I took a deep breath, opened the door and forced myself out of the car. _All for Britt._ I just kep repeating to myself. I knocked on the door, starting to worry that she forgot or something, but stood there like an idiot till Britt finally came to the door. She looked beautiful. I mean, yeah, this was how she dressed every day, with the cheerios uniform and her hair in a ponytail, but she still took my breath away everytime I saw her.

"Ready to go?" I asked.

"Yes!" She smiled and nodded to me. I laughed, leading her to the car and starting the music. We had the volume down so we could talk. For some reason, it was a little awkward, and I couldn't figure out why. We'd been friends since we were toddlers, and she'd known I'd been in love with her for a few months, we'd still been best friends, but now...things seemed stressed.

"Everything alright Britt?" I asked, starting to get worried.

"Yeah...why wouldn't it be?" She asked heistantly. Everything must have just been in my head, from the nerves. We pulled into the Breadstix parking lot, which was emptier than usual. Thank god, I don't know if I could handle everyone staring at me in there. It only looked like 2 or 3 other cars were there...usually it's packed. It's the best restaraunt in Lima, so everyone practically worships the place.

"Let's go." I smiled at Brittany. She smiled back as we walked into the restaraunt. We got a table for 2 and went to our seats to order.

"You're paying, right?" She asked me. I just laughed an nodded my head.

"Kay, then I'll get shrimp." She responded, as a rolled my eyes playfully. The waitress brought our drinks, with no wait at all since no one was there. It felt weird seeing breadstix so empty.

"I'm really proud of you, Santana. You've done so much I know you didn't want to do, and you did it for me. So now I have to do something for you." She started.

"Do what?" I asked, while drinking my water.

"I don't know yet. I'll tell you in Glee Club monday." She told me. I was about to say something when the waitress slid a tray of shrimp under Brittany's nose. So far, this was going great.

"Thanks, San." Britt smiled at me in the car.

"Of course." I replied while starting the ignition.

Before I had the chance to notice what was going on, she grabbed the back of my neck and pressed her lips to mine. Even though she caught me by surprise, kissing Britt was like second nature to me. I kissed her back, until the car behind us honked a few times. I rolled down the window, yelling in spanish at whoever drove the car. He looked at me confused, like he had no idea what I said to him, which is most likely true. I pulled the car back into the parking lot, so the jerk behind us could get out, and then kissed britt like we were never interupted in the first place.

"I gotta take you home Britt...your dads gonna kill me if I get you back too late."

"You were more fun when you didn't care what my parents thought about you." She whined.

"I thought you wanted me to be nicer to be people..." I thought she was serious.

"I'm just kidding san. I like it better when you're not so mean."

I smiled at her, kissed her one last time, and then took off driving back to her house. I walked her in, (that's what they do in the movies right?) and talked to her dad, who was alot more lenient that I thought he'd be about us. He said he had no problem whatsoever with who Brittany liked, as long as they treated her right. He said nothing changed, he still see's me like another daughter, just now in a different way. Her mom on the other hand, I could tell she thought it was my fault Britt was like this now. She didn't say anything, but I could feel it when she looked at me.

"By Britt, Mr. And Mrs. Pierce. I gotta go, Quinn's probably waiting for me." I left, feeling happier than I had in a long time. Things went so well with Britt. Next time I'd losen up a little, be the _Santana Lopez_ that I usually am. I just wanted tonight to be perfect, and to me it was.

****Monday****

"Okay guys. How was your weekend?" Mr. Schue said once Glee Started. I looked over at Britt and smiled. She grinned back.

"My weekend was spectacular Mr. Schue. Finn and I went to a play, and we sang for my neighbors who thought he was just great, and then I-" She started talking, but I cut her off automatically annoyed with her.

"No one cares, man hands." I mumbled it, but I guess it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Santana, please, be more respectful." Mr. Schue told me, but it sounded like he was glad a shut her up. Berry gave me evil eyes, but I just continued staring at my shoes.

"Mercedes, why don't you go first?" He said. Mercedes stood up, and marched down to the front of the room, ready to blow us all away with her voice.

_"Listen to the song here in my heart, A melody I start but can't complete, Listen to the sound from deep within, It's only beginning to find release. Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard. They will not be pushed aside and turned. Into your own all 'cause you won't, Listen. Listen, I am alone at a crossroads, I'm not at home in my own home, And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind, You should have known. Oh, now I'm done believing you, You don't know what I'm feeling. I'm more than what you made of me, I followed the voice you gave to me. But now I've gotta find my own. You should have listened, there is someone here inside, Someone I thought had died so long ago, Oh, I'm screaming out and my dreams'll be heard, They will not be pushed aside on words, Into your own all 'cause you won't...Listen. Listen, I am alone at a crossroads, I'm not at home in my own home. And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind You should have known. Oh, now I'm done believing you,You don't know what I'm feeling, I'm more than what you made of me, I followed the voice you gave to me, But now I've gotta find my own. I don't know where I belong, But I'll be moving on, If you don't, if you won't Listen to the song here in my heart, A melody I start but I will complete. Oh, now I'm done believing you  
>You don't know what I'm feeling, I'm more than what you made of me, I followed the voice you think you gave to me. But now I've gotta find my own, my <em>own... "

She sang the song beautifully...we all clapped for her, as she took her seat, ready for Mr. Schue.

"Wow, Mercedes, that was...amazing! How can you relate to it though?"

"Mr. Schue, Rachel isn't the only one in here with dreams. And like the song says, my dreams are gonna' come true too. I feel like I have to scream to get my voice noticed, and nobody really listens when I sing anyways. If I can't start showing off the talent I have, I'm moving on." She told the class. We all started at her shocked. Everyone else shocked that she would leave us if she didn't get more solos. I stared at her because I was surprised she could keep it real like I could.

"Well, um, good job..." Mr. Schue, stuttered, unsure of what he was supposed to say.

"Next up...Kurt?" Kurt stood up and made his way down the bleachers, to wow us all with his unnaturally high pitched voice.

_gThis thing called love I just can't handle it, __this thing called love I must get round to it, I ain't ready. Crazy little thing called love. This (This Thing) called love (Called Love) It cries (Like a baby) In a cradle all night It swings (Woo Woo) It jives (Woo Woo) It shakes all over like a jelly fish, I kinda like it Crazy little thing called love There goes my baby he knows how to Rock n' roll he drives me crazy he gives me hot and cold fever Then he leaves me in a cool cool sweat I gotta be cool relax, get hip Get on my track's Take a back seat, hitch-hike And take a long ride on my motor bike Until I'm ready Crazy little thing called love I gotta be cool relax, get hip Get on my track's Take a back seat, hitch-hike And take a long ride on my motor bike Until I'm ready (Ready Freddie) Crazy little thing called love This thing called love I just can't handle it this thing called love I must get round to it I ain't ready __Crazy little thing called love..h _

gMr. Schue, If I may. Everyones been singing about how sad things are, or the bad things or really emotional things in there lives are...or cats...but I wanted to sing something about the happiest thing in my life. I'm in love Mr. Schue, and I've never felt better.h Kurt took his seat feeling accomplished. Blaine smiled and put his hands on Kurts knee. I rolled my eyes at how cheesy that way until I realized I was doing the same thing to brittany.

gReally good job kurt. Really good job. Okay, Artie! You're up!h Artie rolled to center stage and opened his mouth, letting his oddly compeling voice flow out.

_gtheres nothin in this world that could describe to, how i feel for you, baby i will always love you, but, will you, ever love me? i really need to tell you, really need to try and explain, to you, about my love for you, and how strong it is!  
>so, dont look back, (back to the past) forget what i did, (to not make us last) and dont look back, cause if you go, and you leave me, ill be mad, and you'll be sad, for leavin me, so baby just belive me, and dont look back... baby just believe that my love for you is strong,<br>and baby please listen to me, (and dont look back...) cause baby if you look back, back to the past, your gonna make me regreat, everything i did for you! ooh whoa, cause baby if you look back, your just gonna see the mistakes that we made (and that), will make what we could have been, absolutley, just a dream, (to me...) so, dont look back, (back to the past) forget what i did, (to not make us last) and dont look back, cause if you go, and you leave me, ill be mad, and you'll be sad, for leavin me, so baby just belive me, and dont look back... baby just believe that my love for you is strong, and baby please listen to me, (and dont look back...) whoa oh ohh oh ooh ho! baby...just dont look back... dont look-back, cause baby if you look back, back to the past, your gonna make me regreat, everything i did for you! so baby! please, just believe me, and dont ever leave me, and do me this, this one thing... dont lookback...h _

He looked ready to cry. We all glanced around at eachother, but no one understood what he meant. Mr. Schue waited for him to answer for himself.

gBrittany, I'm still in love with you. I love you, and I know we made mistakes and we could of been better but we could re do it! Start over! I'm sorry I called you stupid, but please don't leave me. I love you and I can't take being without you.h Artie said to Brittany, but I think I was paying more attention than she was.

gOh nah uh, Stubbles McCripples pants, you don't talk look touch or think about talking to looking at or touching _my _Britts? You stay away got it? You guys broke up, you called her stupid which is so not okay with me! Back off ! Clear?h Puck had to hold my arm to keep me from pushing his wheelchair into a pile of instruments that could injure him even more. _He's already in a wheelchair._ I stumbed back into my seat, upset that Artie ruined everything for me. The fast few days had been absolutely perfect. But even Artie managed to screw that up for me.

gSantana, please! Sit down! Okay, is that all for today?h Mr. Schue changed the subject.

gI have something I'd like to sing.h Brittany said quietly. We all looked at her, surprised.

gNot another cat song...h Tina mumbled.

_ g__I couldn't tell you why she felt that way, She felt it everyday. And I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again. What's wrong, what's wrong now? Too many, too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside. Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why. you've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind. Be strong, be strong now. Too many, too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside. Her feelings she hides. Her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind. She's fallen behind. She can't find her place. She's losing her faith. She's fallen from grace. She's all over the place. Yeah,oh She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside. She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah...h _

Everyone gaped at her, including me. Where did all this come from.

gThe songs about Santana. I heard it the other day and It went perfect. I feel bad for everything she's gone through, and I want her to know that this is her home where she can feel accepted and loved no matter what.h Britt told us.

Great, now she had me crying too.  
>gAlright, really really good job Brittany! next rehearsal I'd like to see Finn, Tina, and Blaine!h He went to his desk and began to pack up his things, which was our cue to leave. I couldn't help but give Arties chair a little push as we passed him in the hallway. It was so tempting. But as mean as I am, I honestly didn't mean to push him into a bunch of lockers.<p>

**A/N-Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review PLEASE! The songs are **

**First date-Blink182**

**Mercedes: Listen- Beyonce**

Kurt: Crazy Little Thing Called Love- Queen

**Artie: Don't Look Back- Plain White T's**

**Brittany: Nobody's Home- Avril Lavigne**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N-Hey guys thanks for reading! sorry it's taken me a while to update I'm trying to do 2 fanfics and another story on wattpad soo...aha just taking turns with each one! Aslo, i know this chapter is really heavy and dramatic, but i promise it'll get better. This chapter was supposed to go a waaay different direction than this, but it just sort of happened, so deal with it. Hahaha andd uhh yeah so thanks for reading and PLEAASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**

What is love? I've always had to ask myself that. I'd never had love, I'd never given it out. I'd never been in love, or had someone in love with me. Or at least someone that I knew about. I'd sleep with a guy and throw him out, never talk to him again. I used them, and I convinced myself that love, and _making love_ were the same thing. But how can you make _love_ with someone you don't love them? Sex is sex and it really doens't mean anything. Not really. Not unless you really truly unconditionally love that person, because then your not doing it for the sex. You're doing it because you want to feel them, you want to see how perfect your bodies fit to eachother and how perfect you feel when you're with them. You want to feel the kind of excitment and happiness you never feel without them. Sex isn't for sex, it's for love. I know that now. But I still don't understand what exactly love is.

I mean, Is it really that thing that always makes you happy? Is love really nothing _but_ happiness? I don't thinks so, because then no one would ever be in love. Not really. Everything good in life comes with a price, trust me, I know. Love isn't pure happiness. It's pain too. Because the way you feel when your with the person that your _truly_ in love with, it's nothing but happiness when you see them or when your with them, it's like a fire is burning up your body each time you simply touch them. It's like you crave their very existence. But when you aren't with them, that's the pain. It's like a part of you is missing, something that you can't function without. It's the only thing in your mind, the only thing you can think about. Love is motivation, it's inspiration, love is all those things you say you hate but can't live without. And for me, love is simply defined by one word. Love is Brittany.

I figured this all out last night. I'd always been telling myself that love is sex, until I discovered that I was in love with my best friend half way through junior year. I tried to tell myself that I wasn't, but I couldn't help it. Even now, I wanted so badly to not love her, to make myself not love her. I didn't want to have to live with the label of being a lesbian. I wanted to be the girl everyone else wanted me to be, even after I'd come out and made being with Brittany official. But back to the point, after I figured out I was in love with Brittany, I tried to talk myself out of being in love with her. I told myself that love is happiness. That's all, love is having fun and being with the one other person that really makes you feel alive.

I told myself that I couldn't be in love with Brittany, because all I felt was pain. I couldn't look at her with Artie without feeling like dying, and I couldn't be away from her without crying. I couldn't look at her without my heart pounding or be near her without my hands shaking. I thought this what a sign, telling me I wasn't in love with her. But when I touched her, even just our hands, it was like electricity flowing from my veins, making it hard to even breath. When I was with her, I couldn't feel anything other than just wanting her in ever way possible. I tried so hard to tell myself that I didn't love her, that I ended up pushing Brittany away instead. But last night, that's when I figured out what love is. Or at least, what love is to me. I'm new to this whole _being in love _thing, or at least acting on it...I think I'd been in love since the first time I looked deep into her bright blue eyes and saw everything she could be, everything that could happen with her and I knew I wanted to be there for every second of it. We were little, maybe 6 or 7, you say it's too young to be in love, but if love wasn't how I felt about Brittany, I don't know what was.

But last night, I was laying in bed, thinking about the song Brittany sang about me in Glee Club monday. It fit so well. I couldn't help but smiling at the thought, just thinking about her made me happy, but once I looked over beside me and just saw an empty bed, I couldn't help but realizing how lonely I felt without her. I needed Brittany, it wasn't like when you get married to someone, have a few kids, say your in love but break it off after 20 years. That's a different kind of love. What I felt towards Britt wasn't something I could just end. It wasn't that I wanted her, I physically needed her. Not to sound all poetic or whatever, like I have been on my rant about love and sex and god knows what else, that's just not me at all, I just felt accomplished that with years and years of trying to figure out what love is, I defined it. Not a long definition, but like I said before. After over 12 years of trying to figure this out, I finally did. Once again, Love is Brittany. I can't describe it any more than that.

But why does it hurt so much? Why does this thing hurt_ so damn much_? I feel like I could just die at any second, but she keeps me going. And I think that's why our love is so special. Even If I'm the strong one, I do everything and I take control, every second of my life I'm depending on her, and her only. Enough about love though, It's getting sappy staring at my ceiling in the dark thinking about love and Brittany. Well, I always think about Brittany, but staring at the dark wall in a bedroom that didn't belong to me? That's just not who I am, and I needed to leave before it started seeming like some sort of weird lesbian soap opera.

_hey, you wanna go do something fun tonight? _ I texted Puck. I needed to talk to him, because right now, I was really depressed for some reason.

_It's 2:00 in the god damn morning santana. go to bed! _He replied. I rolled my eyes, knowing he was probably getting ready to leave right now anyways.

_Okay, pick me up in like 20 mins. I'm still at Quinns, I'll see you later (: _I laughed silently at how easy it was to bribe him.

_Is Quinn coming?_

_ Are you crazy? Like you said, its 2 in the fucking morning and god knows your girlfriend doesn't party unless she has too. You want some fun tonight? let's go have some fun. Screw Quinn. Even though I gotta love the bitch since I'm staying with her. Pick me up, and we're gonna have the fun you've been missing out on._

_ There's the Santana Lopez I know (; I'll see you at 2:30. _

I smiled, as I changed my clothes and whiped my eyes, putting on even _more_ makeup to cover the tear stains. You could still tell, but by the time I got drunk it'd be totally beleivable since all I do is cry when I'm drunk anyways. Oh, and yell. That too. I'm not the most fun drunk to be around, I get crazy emotional. Oh well, tonights about fun, and I need some of my old life back. The new, always-crying-and always-doing-the-right-thing santana wasn't as much fun, what's wrong with a little fun?

I noticed Puck's car pull into the driveway of Quinns house, as I snuck out of the house, trying not to wake Quinns mom.

"Hey Lopez, lookin' hot." He smirked as I got in the car.

"Just drive the car Puckerman." I laughed, glad that things were normal. This just made me feel better, even though I knew it was wrong for me to go somewhere at 2:00 in the morning with the girl who I was living withs boyfriend. Good thing she'd know I wouldn't do anything with him, being gay and all that. Every once in a while playing for the other team had it's perks. But usually it just plain sucked. We went to one of the low key bars, one that knew us well enough to not bother arguing about our ages...since Puck barely looked 20 and I didn't look a day over 16. They let us right in, brought our usual drinks, and watched as we got too drunk to function. Or at least, until I got too drunk to function. Puck watched, drinking a little here and there, but staying sober enough to laugh at me as I got totally wasted, and be able to drive us home without killing us.

"You always liked Quinn better than you liked me! You never really liked me Puckerman!" I screamed at him, punching him in the chest.

"Whoa! Santana calm down! It's not like you ever liked me either! Who cares if I liked you or not? You were in love with Britt the whole time anyways!" He caught my flinging fists, while yelling back at me. And that's when the crying started. I just fell apart. I broke, right into his arms, falling into his chest that I was just punching.

"It's okay..." Puck tried, unsure of what I was even upset about. I mean, you can never tell if I'm actually upset or if it's just the alchohol when I'm drunk. But this time, it was that I was actually upset. And I was too drunk to actually keep the truth inside me.

"Puck, I don't wanna be gay. I wanna be in love with you, or Finn or Sam or Mike, even Artie. Just, a _guy. _I want so _badly _to not be in love with Brittany. But I just can't help it! I love her so damn much, it's like a can't even breath without her, but I want all this to stop. I just can't take it anymore, I feel like at any second I could just break!" I sobbed into his shirt, as he held me and stroked my back.

"Santana, just calm down, okay?." He practically whispered to me, as he stared at me laying across him, sobbing uncontrollably with a cup of beer in each hand and breathing my heavily alchohol tinted breath right into his nose. Yeah, he's right. I just needed to calm down right now. I was barely holding on to my life, like a rope that was starting to untwine. I couldn't take this anymore, it seemed like I was slowly unraveling.

"I wanna go home." I whinned to him.

"To Quinns?" He asked hesitantly.

"No. My house. I want to be able to go home and say hi to my mom and dad without them looking at me like I'm some sort of sick creature from another planet. Why me?"

"Santana. I know your hurting, but if your parents kick you out for something like this, they don't love you. Sorry to be harsh, but I'm done with your comlaining right now. You don't need your mom and dads influence any more than you already have. And do you realize how selfish you're being right now? Look at all you've done to Brittany! Have you ever thought about how much pain you've put her through? Come on. Your going back to Quinns, and your going to bed before I get in trouble for getting you too drunk to function, which I think we passed about an hour ago."

He was oddly harsh, compared to how he usually acts to me. The whole ride was spent in awkard silence, besides the sound of my heavy sobs in the passenger seat. Puck pulled into the Fabray driveway, and turned towards me.

"Look Santana, I'm sorry for being so harsh back there, alright? It's just, sometimes you only think about yourself. But I didn't really consider that it was Britt we were talking about and you always put her before you. I know your hurting, and that you don't like this thing about you. But remember what you told Glee Club? That it doesn't matter who your attracted to? It just matters who you fall in love with? I can tell you're in love with Brittany just from seeing you two together, Santana. The way you look at her, the way the air changes when you see her, the way I can tell your fighting off that adorable _real_ smile when she see's you. I know what love is, and you helped me figure it out. Don't screw this up with Britt by thinking only about how you feel. But if you need anything, don't ever hesitate to call me, okay? Don't do something stupid, because I know you. And I know you act unrationally in drastic ways. You have alot of people that love you, and I'm one of them. Don't forget about that okay. And by the way, you're more fun to be around drunk, when I'm drunk too."

He laughed at the end, lightening the moment. I just stared at him, with tears in my eyes, partially because I can't stop crying while I'm drunk, and partially because what he said really got to me. I staggered up to the house and let myself in, slowly making my way up the stairs and into my room. I crashed on the bed and fell asleep before I knew what was going on. And nearly 12 hours later I woke up to Quinn shaking me and the sun blaring in my eyes.

"What do you want!" I yelled at Quinn as I shoved my head under the pillow.

"What the hell, S. You smell like you took a bath in vodka and god knows what else, your makeups smeared down your whole face like you cried you fucking eyes out, and your still asleep at 5:00 in the afternoon!"

"Ughhhh...go away..." I groaned into my pillow.

"No! Get up and shower before my mom thinks you had a party, and then tell me what happened last night!"

"Quinn?" I said sitting up.

"What." She snapped at me.

"I'm sorry." And then a broke into another round of sobbing.

"It's okay? Sorry about what..." She looked cautious.

"That I have to stay with you cause' my parents don't love me!" I screamed as a got up and ran into the bathroom.

"What just happened..." I heard Quinn say just before I slammed the door. I got into the shower, surprised at how relaxing the warm water felt, especially since I felt like I could puke out my guts at any second. Why did I like alchohol so much if I felt so sick the next day? Oh yeah. Cause' I'm Santana Lopez. Simple as that. I stayed in the shower, probably way longer than I needed too, not helping with Quinn's mom and the water bill, but finally I convinced myself to get out and talk to Quinn. She at least needed to hear it from me that I took _her_ boyfriend to a bar at 2:00 in the morning to complain to him about how I wished I was in love with him.

"Quinn?" I called out, my voice cracking. I was actually surprised about today, this was pretty much the best hangover ever. Yeah, I felt a little sick but at least I wasn't puking every 5 minutes.

"Downstairs!" She shouted. I shuffled down the stairs and sat down on the couch next to her. She must've known this was serious just from the look on my face, as she turned the T.V. off and shifted her body towards me. Plus, she didn't seem mad at me anymore.

"I need to tell you something." I told her, this was the simplest part of this conversation.

"Okay..." She looked at me, anxious.

"Well, to answer the first question you asked me upstairs, I smell like vodka cause' I drank so much last night that I could barely walk." She opened her mouth, probably to ask where I got the vodka from in the first place, but I answered her question for her.

"Puck picked me up around 2, we went to that one bar downtown, and he dropped me back off around 5. And no, he didn't drink ..that much. He had like a shot and then stopped when I started yelling at him about liking you more than he liked me."

"Okay, I pretty much expected something like that. What my real question is, is why did you have the urge to go to a bar at 2 in the morning. I know that's like your normal thing, but why not wait till today and have a party? I know you, and you drink like that when you need to get something off your mind."

"I'm fine." I stated plainly and then ran upstairs, before I ended up telling her everything too. It slipped out to Puck while I was drunk, but I didn't want to tell everyone that I wished more than anything that I was straight. And I especially couldn't let Brittany find out. Now, don't get me wrong. It wasn't like I didn't love Brittany anymore, trust me, I _really_ did, it was just the fact that the _being gay_ thing was really taking it's toll on me. I'm one of those people that cares more about what other people think than what I think. And it was killing me knowing what they were saying. I wanted to be with Brittany _so_ badly. When we were alone it was like no one else was on the planet with us. But it was when we were with other people that I didn't know what to do. I mean, everything changed. I even started changing in the bathroom stalls in the locker room that way no one would think I was staring at them while they were half dressed.

So things pretty much sucked for me, and yeah, Puck was right, I was being selfish. But I just couldn't help it. Being like this sucked, and I knew my parents did this to me. Not making me gay. That wasn't really anyones fault. I fell in love with Britt before I even knew what love was, let alone that girls weren't supposed to be in love with other girls. It wasn't fair, I never really stood a chance at being straight, because I fell in love with Brittany before I knew what gay even meant. But what my parents did, they drilled into my head that I needed to please everyone else, not me. They taught me to be a homophobe, which is probably why I hated myself and my thoughts for _so_ long, the reason it took me so long to realize what was going on between me and Britt. I wish things were different, but at the same time, I know that I couldn't live without Brittany.

"Santana? C'mon let me in, it's my house." Quinn pounded on my door.

"Whatver Q." I snapped, getting up and unlocking the bedroom door.

"What's your problem? You seem even more stressed and freaked out than usual. And that's saying something."

"It's none of your buisiness so back the hell off."

"Santana, you keep saying you want to change but you keep pushing people away, the same as you used to just now less intimidating. I'm not gonna go around and tell the world all your deepest darkest secrets...I know you hate me, but you can trust me."

"I don't hate you Q. I say I do, and I act like I do, but I don't. I-" I stopped. There it was again. I wanted to say _I love you_, even if I did just mean it like a friend, but ever since I came out, I'd always been afraid to say the slightest things that could give anyone the wrong idea.

"Santana just say it. Tell me whats been going on with you! I know you probably told Puck anyways, and as much as he'll sit there and listen, he won't really be able to help. I'll help you though. You're one of my best friends, and I don't like seeing you so sad and depressed all the time. It's not the same Santana Lopez I'm used to."

"I wanna be alone right now." I told her, pushing tears down my throat before she thought I had broken completely.

"Don't do anything stupid." She said as she got up and left. _Why did people keep saying that? First Puck telling me not to do anything stupid, and now Quinn? What do they honestly think I'd do? _I went into the bathroom and splashed my face with water, staring into the mirror and trying to see the girl I want to be staring back at me. But instead of the girl that terrorized the school hall for 3 years looking at me, it was a scared little girl hiding from the world. I hated myself so much at that moment. And I'm not even sure what did it. They say love makes you do the craziest things. I don't know who _they_ are, but they sure got that right. So, that's when it all started happening. Well, that's the begining I should say. That's when the depression really kicked in.

"Dinner!" I heard someone shout from downstairs. I had to force myself up from the bed and down into the kitchen.

"Santana, you okay?" Quinns mom asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered, before realizing that I still had tear stains down my face.

"Just had a rough day..." I continued. She just nodded, like she understood and wasn't going to press for more details. Quinn ran down the stairs and saw me.

"You okay?" She asked.

"Rough day." Quinns mom answered for me.

"Yeah, no kidding." Quinn replied and took her seat at the table.

"Thanks for Dinner Mrs. Fabray." I told her, without the slightest drop of sinceritiy in my voice. Don't get me wrong, I was beyond thankful that Quinn let me stay with her, even though I spend years trying to destroy her life, and I was glad her mom was taking care of me like I was her own kid. But I just coulnd't make myself sound anything but sad, no matter how hard I tried.

"Santana? Can I talk to you upstairs..." Quinn asked, hoping I'd say yes since we were in front her mom and she knew I was trying to be nice to her for letting me stay with them. Apparently she didn't know me very well though.

"No. I'm tired, I don't wanna talk about it."

"You slept till 5..." She told me.

"So? I'm still tired." And with that I ran upstairs without even cleaning up my dinner mess. I should've known Quinn would come pounding on my door whether I told her no or not.

"What the hell do you want Q? I told you I didn't want to talk about it!"

"I don't care what you want right now Santana. I care about what you need and your gonna tell me what's going on right now."

"Or what."

"There is no 'or what'. Your gonna tell me right now, whether you want to or not. What's going on?"

"Fine." I spat at her.

"I'm waiting..." She seemed annoyed. I couldn't figure out why...but she did.

"What?"

"Tell me what is going with you!" She pushed.

"I love Brittany _so _much Quinn...you don't even know."

"So...how is that making you sad? If you love her so much, shouldn't you be happy that you two are finally together?" She didn't seem angry anymore...just confused.

"I am. But I can out too fast. I wasn't ready, hell, I'm still not ready Q. I can't take this pressure or the stress. I know what people think about me cause' I used to think it about Kurt. But what hurts so much is knowing they think that about Brittany, and It's _my _fault. If I didn't come out, she'd still be with Artie, and as much as that would kill me, at least she wouldn't be the one getting a slushy facial every time she walked down the hall..." I told her. Thankfully I wasn't crying, probably because I'd cried so much today I had no tears left in me.

"Wow. Santana Lopez really does have a heart..."

"Shut up." I glared at her.

"I'm just surprised you put someone before yourself, that's all. But I still don't get it...we get slushy facials just for being in Glee Club. She'd get slushied either way."

"But getting slushied for Glee is different. That's something we chose to be in because we love it. I didn't have a choice if I wanted to be gay or not."

"You realize that your with Britt because you love her? And your in Glee because you love it? Your gonna get slushied for something you love. So, wouldn't you just be happy that your with the person you love?" She could tell there was more to it.

"Quinn. I don't wanna be gay." Thats when I could feel the tears coming, but I faught to push them down my throat anyways.

"And I don't wanna be the girl I am right now either. I wish I was still that little perfect blonde girl I was for 3 years, but I'm done being something I'm not, and now you are too. Be you Santana, and eventually I promise you'll be happy."

"It's not that simple! You dyed your hair and got a tattoo...I'm a freaking lesbian Quinn...it's different."

"I never said it was the same, I was just comparing. But fine, you dont want my help I'll leave. I was just trying to be a good friend."

"I didn't ask for you help."

And then she stormed out of my room, a storm-out worthy of Rachel Berry. Quinn was stupid. She tried to understand what was going on with me, like she knew what this felt like. She dyed her hair,got a few body peircings and a tattoo and now she's the girl she really is, even though it's not the girl she wants to be. It's not that easy for me. I'm a fucking lesbian and theres nothing I can do to change that. Nobody understands what I'm going through,even Kurt had it a little bit easier than me. His family didn't kick him out, he has a bunch of real friends, he loves himself and isn't afraid to show it. But for me? It's way different for me. I can't change who I am, I can't change who I want to be, and I can't change everything I want. Even if what I want so damn much is the one thing I already have. I just loved Britt _so _much, I'd do anything for her, even if she's the reason I'm the girl everyone hates. I'd never blame her though, for anything. She loved me before all these...changes started happening, before either of us knew what it meant. She'd always love me and I'd always love her, no matter what. She was that one thing, that _one _precious thing that kept me going. She was perfect. And I knew she deserved better.

"Britt?" I said to her on the phone, not even bothering to hold back my tears.

"San? Are you okay?"

"No. I need to ask you something. "

"Okay..."

"Do you love me? Like, honestly truly love me?"

"Of course! I love you more than anything. You already knew that. What's the matter?"

"Britt? I love you okay. So much. More than anything, more than I love myself. I need you to know that, alright?"

"Santana. What's the matter?" She said, dead serious. But I couldn't tell her. Not yet.

"Just listen to me. When I'm with you, I feel like theres nothing else in the world, and its like a shock each time a touch you. I feel like I was made for nothing other than to be here with you. But you deserve better than me..."

"I don't understand..."

"Brittany, you are perfect. In every way there is to be perfect. You don't have to settle for a person that can't even admit to themselve that they love you. You deserve someone better than me."

"No I don't! I don't want anyone else, San."

"I know, Britt. Me either. But just don't forget that I love you okay? Ever."

"San? What's going on?" But it was too late. I already hung up the phone. Now I know what Puck and Quinn meant for telling me to not do something stupid.What did I just do? Did I dump her? No. I'd never break up with Brittany. I was just giving her the opportunity to break up with me.

_ San, did you just break up with me?___texted me a few minutes later.

_ No. I was just giving you a reason to leave me..._

_ I don't have a reason to leave you ._

_ Do you have a reason to stay? _

I waited by my phone for almost 10 minutes waiting for a reply, but one never came. She said she didn't have a reason to leave me, but she didn't have a reason to stay. What's that supposed to mean? Now is when I would've liked someone to talk to, but I was too mad at Quinn to give into her right now. So instead, I took care of things myself. Sure, I know it's illegal, but when you lived like I did for so many years, the word i_llegal_ doens't mean much when It comes to this kind of stuff. So I pulled my new best friend out of my purse and guzzled down some of the strongest liquor I'd had in years. It dulled the pain, but it just doubled my guilt.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N-Kay I know the last chapter was kind of depressing cause' Santana was doubting herself and all that stuff but it leads somewhere I promise..I just wanted you to be able to see like really deep down what she was thinking...haha alright thanks to those of you who actually REVIEWD, I can't tell you how much that means to me! Please give me some input? and enjoy the story (:**

_I told you San, I love you. Isn't that a good enough reason to stay? _

Britt texted me, but seeing as I was too drunk to even make out what it meant when my phone beeped, I didn't even realize that I had a message. I really needed to start thinking about consequences, because being drunk in Quinn's house does not equal a happy Quinn, and when she starts pounding on my door, that does not make a happy Santana. A pissed off Quinn and a moody Santana usual end in a messy fight...of course, I was just crying and yelling at myself anyways right now, but it wasn't really _about _ anything, I just turn into an emotional volcano when I'm drunk, which is usually never a good thing since I have all this real built up emotion inside me already, I don't need the fake emotions too.

"Santana, god damn it turn the music down!" Quinn yelled through my door in a groggy voice. I'd obviously woken her up when I started listening to music. I changed the song as she pounded on my door some more. She stopped for a second, so I turned it up even louder to see if she had left.

_Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6 Like a G6, Like a G6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6..._

_ "_Open the door!" She yelled at me. I just stared at the door with blood shot eyes. I knew she'd just open it anyways, it wasn't like it was that hard to shove a bobby pin in the door handle, but I really just didn't want to get up so I waited for her to let herself in.

_ Gimme that Mo-Moet Gimme that Cry-Crystal Ladies love my style, at my table gettin wild Get them bottles poppin, we get that drip and that drop Now give me 2 more bottles cuz you know it don't stop..._

_ "_What the hell is going on in here..." Quinn asked me as she started fiddling with the door knob. I didn't bother trying to hide the red cups scattered on my floor or the empty bottle of some kind of booze I can't even remember lying on the floor with another half gone in my hand. I knew she'd smell it, see it on me. It wasn't worth hiding. I was kind of itching to get in trouble anyways. Then at least I'd feel _something. _

_ Hell Yeaa Drink it up, drink-drink it up, When sober girls around me, they be actin like they drunk They be actin like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunk When sober girls around me actin-actin like they drunk..._

_ "_Turn the music down Santana," Quinn told me as she opened the door. "And- oh god what is that smell?" She turned the light on. I could tell from the tone of her voice she knew _exactly_ what that smell was, she just didn't want to believe it.

_Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6 Like a G6, Like a G6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6..._

_ "_God damn it! Again Santana? Really?" She yelled as she kicked one of the red cups into the side of the wall. I just laid on the bed, watching her as she knelt down to pick up the empty cracked bottle off my floor.

"Do you realize how strong this stuff is." She didn't even say it like a question. I nodded, like _duh._

_Sippin on, sippin on sizz, Ima ma-make it fizz Girl i keep it gangsta, poppin bottles at the crib This is how we live, every single night Take that bottle to the head, and let me see you fly..._

"You took everything from me Quinn! Everyone likes you better than they like me! Even my parents wish I was more like you!" I screamed at her before breaking into a round of sobbing, and then came the next round of a new emotion, "I'm sorry Quinn I love you please I'm sorry! ….GET OUT I HATE YOU YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" See, emotional volcano.

"Maybe because I don't do shit like this every time I have a fucking problem Santana!" She yelled back, waving the empty bottle in my face.

_Hell Yeaa Drink it up, drink-drink it up, When sober girls around me, they be actin like they drunk They be actin like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunk When sober girls around me actin-actin like they drunk..._

"Why do you even care?" I cried in a broken voice.

"Cause' I care about you! Believe it or not, we _are_ friends. Why else would I let you stay here? Why else would I not kick you out the _first_ time you come home drunk? Why else would I be standing here arguing with you instead of telling you to get out of my house and take all this crap with you?" She told me, indicating the alcohol.

_Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6 Like a G6, Like a G6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6..._

_ "_I don't know." I stated simply. Not really to anything Quinn just said, I just didn't know about anything anymore. Why do things like this always happen to me? How is it _me _that always ends up in this kind of situation.

"Does Britt even know you're doing stuff like this when she's not around?" Quinn asked cautiously.

"Why would she even care?"

"She loves you..."

"No she doesn't!" I screamed throwing my phone at Quinn and burrying my face in my pillow.

_Its that 808 bump, make you put yo hands up Make you put yo hands up, put yo, put yo hands up (You can't Touch this) Its that 808 bump, make you put yo hands up Make you put yo hands up, put yo, put yo hands up (You can't Touch this) Hell Yeaaa, Make you put yo hands up, put yo put yo hands up Hell Yeaaa, Make you put yo hands up, put yo put yo hands up..._

"What'd you say to her on the phone?" Quinn asked nervously.

"I told her the truth. She deserves better than me."

"No she doesn't, she wants you Santana, she doesn't want someone else."

"Read the messages then, it says in there."

_Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6 Like a G6, Like a G6 Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6..._

"I don't get it." Quinn said to me, confused.

"Look! I asked if she had a reason to stay, and she never replied."

"No, dumbass. She replied, you were just to wasted to get it. Look, she said '_I told you San, I love you. Isn't that a good enough reason to stay?' _You're the one that stopped replying cause' you jumped to a conclusion and think the answer to _everything_ is beer!"

"It's not beer, it's whiskey." I pointed to the bottle in her hand.

"Whatever! Where'd you get it?"

"I don't know, Puck gave it to me, I didn't pay attention."

"How much of it did you drink?"

"The whole damn bottle, and it still didn't help this in my head. It just won't stop. It's yelling Q, make it stop."

"Maybe you should take a break from drinking for the night...you know, so you don't over do it..."

"Trust me Q, I have a high enough tolerance to this stuff that I could probably drink 6 bottles of it and be fine."

"Alright, just...be careful." She didn't sound convinced, but she started waking out of my room anyways.

"And turn the music down!" She yelled as she walked down the hallway. I ignored her, like usual, and didn't touch the volume. I don't remember falling asleep, but I remember waking up in the bathroom with a pounding headache. I really need to stop drinking, or these hangovers will never get any better.

"Santana, you realize that just because your sick doesn't mean that Sue is gonna' excuse the rest of us from Cheerios practice?" Quinn yelled as she tried to drag me out the door. I scrambled away from her, back into the bathroom.

"Go without me then." I muttered back, rinsing my face in the sink.

"No way. I don't trust you in this house by yourself. The last thing I need is for my mom to come home and find you passed out on the couch and her liquor cabinet empty."

"Don't worry I won't drink hers, I have some of my own." I argued. Quinn rolled her eyes, like that was not the best way to win her argument. I finally gave in, not because she convinced me, but because I actually did sort of want to go to school, to make sure things were okay between me and Brittany. I thought for sure she'd just be a little confused, but not quite understand, so she'd come talk to me and we'd work things out...that sounded reasonable right? Apparently I was wrong when I walked in and saw Brittany. On Arties lap. It felt like someone just ripped my heart out...again. With this, on top of my hang over, was not going to add up to a good day. I could tell already.

"Uh, Britt?" I couldn't control the shaking in my voice. Finn stopped in his tracks when he saw the situation. He probably stood there to help make sure I didn't kill Stubbles McCripples pants.

"Yeah? Oh, hi San!" She smiled at me, like this was completely normal for me.

"Wanna tell me what's going on here?"

"Well, that guy over there just got slapped by his girlfriend, and the girl over there just came out of the bathroom. And Sue just kicked that girl off the cheerios for being a fatty, and that guy-"

"I meant with you."

"Oh. Nothings going on with me." She sighed and shrugged.

"How about you Artie? Whats, ah, new?"

"I think I better get to class." He motioned for Brittany to get up as he wheeled away.

"What are you staring at Frankenteen?" I spit at Finn, not bothering to hold back the anger in my voice anymore.

"I, uh, I think I'm just gonna go..."

"Good idea." I smirked at him and turned back to Britt.

"What's the matter San? You seem mad."

"I am mad! I'm fucking pissed, and I don't even wanna be here I'd rather be back in Quinns bathroom with a nice bottle of whatever that shit Puck gave me was but instead I'm stuck here watching you riding around on wheel chair boys lap! I yelled it all in one breath, having the sudden urge to throw up again.

"Why? We weren't doing anything...I thought you trusted me."

"It's him I don't trust. I'm scared of losing you Britt, especially right now. I push you away when you get close and I pull you in when you start to slip away. I'm trying _so _ hard at this Britt and it just hurts so bad. And after I called you last night and you thought I broke up with you and then I saw you on his lap I thought you were dating him again, and it really freaked me out." I wasn't yelling anymore. Of all the responses she could have said, she asked,

"Why do you want to be in Quinn's bathroom?" I just smiled at her, at how light she makes the most complicated situations.

"I ventured back into the old Santana ways last night Britt. Worst hang over _ever." _I laughed, starting to feel the room spin.

"It's okay San. I just really wish you wouldn't drink when I'm not there..."

"I love you Britt." I laughed.

"Love you too San." She smiled at me, taking my hand.

"ugh why are you yelling?" I whined, being serious but apparently she thought I was joking. She just laughed. Maybe everything last night happened for a good reason. I mean, sure, it doesn't feel so great. But now I'm too busy focusing on not spitting the contents of my stomach all over Britt to notice all the kids staring at us, making rude comments and pointing, whispering to there friends. I just pulled Britt closer to me, and continued making my way to the bathroom.

Me and Rachel, strangely enough, were the only ones late to Glee Club. Me, because I couldn't find the strength to get off the bathroom floor, and Rachel because she was helping one of her other teachers. Teachers pet. Finn looked at us weird when we walked in together, but he dropped the glance when I gave him my devil eyes. I didn't even pay attention when Rachel didn't sit next to Finn.

"Alright guys, we're gonna have to cut it short today, i've got plans with Emma's parents soon so let's jump right in! Tina? Why don't you go first."

Tina made her way down to center stage, and opened her mouth to sing, staring at Mike the whole time.

_It's like a little piece of heaven When you stay You make me feel like it's all Okay  
>And now I know that the sun Will only shine When the clouds go away Cause thats how you make me feel Thats how you make me feel today And you're like a little piece of candy<br>On my tongue You're so much fun And i flip like a butterfly With one look in your eyes Thats how you make me feel And I think I like you And I think you like me too Lets keep dreaming and wishing This way Growups don't __take enough time to play love, and so, it matters at the end of the day That's how you make me feel Thank you for making me feel this way And I think I like you And I think you like me too..._

"I was really inspired by what Kurt said, about everyone singing about sad stuff. Right now, even when something bad happens in my life, Mike makes me feel so much better, like I'm alive, and I can't think of anything right now that's more important in my life than you are. I don't have anything that I need to get off my chest, other than just saying, Mike, I love you." She smiled at him, and he grinned back at her, pulling her up against him as she took her seat.

"That was great Tina! Okay, up next, how about...Finn."

"Mr. Schue, to save a lot of risks for accidents, I didn't add a dance to mine." Finn started, and everyone laughed.

_ Was it something I said Was it something I did (oh) Looking for an answer Cause I don't even know Why you're so upset with me Girl what is this about Them other shawtys I don't care about Baby sit down Only when we singing is when I want to hear you yelling out loud Count Down Backwards from 10 Now ain't that much better Break down Every little word She said this, he said that Don't believe none of them lies Please stand down begging on the shit that don't really matter Wish i could start on a brand new chapter I done this type of thing before i already know how story unfolds All i wanna do is love you right Take my time Read between the lines... Girl... Read between the lines... Girl... Here we go again Heard it all before it's getting us nowhere fast So, lets we retrace our steps and figure out where we left ooh girl lets talk this through..Baby sit down Only when we singing is when I want to hear you yelling out loud Count Down Backwards from 10 Now ain't that much better Break down Every little word She said this, he said that Don't believe none of them lies..._

_ "_Nice job Finn..." Mr. Schue seemed a little distracted by the clock on the wall.

"Rachel, I know I've cheated before okay? I've been cheated on by Quinn, and I've cheated on her. But I've never cheated on you. you were the one that cheated on me with Puck, remember? I've never cheated on you, I don't care what everyone's been telling you, I love you Rachel." Finn was staring at Manhands in a kind of creepy but endearing way. He took his seat in the chair a few down from Rachel, but I could tell right away she wasn't mad at him anymore, from the way she was staring him down from the back.

"Wonderful job Finn! Blaine, go ahead and finish us off for today."

Blaine opened the oddly shaped hole in his face and began to sing.

_ So you're tired of wakin' up on empty You left for something that ain't real So you think a couple of familiar faces is gonna turn it all around You wanna be where they still pump your gas for you where they your name They think that you are some beauty queen or somethin better where they remember your name And ain't it good to think about the weather Doesn't seem to be time for that no more It's hard to hear when you're busy sayin what you want said What you want said, it ain't clear You wanna be where they still open doors for you It's not hard for them to remember you at all They light your cigarette and tell their friends you used to love them Where they remember your name More forgiveness More time away from feelin like you do today More forgiveness More time away from feelin this way, alright It's easy when you laugh, reminds you of you  
>It's easy when it's easy, it still ain't easy at all So you're tired of wakin up on empty You left for something that ain't right it ain't right, ain't right, no You wanna be where they still pump your gas for you where they remember your name They think that you are some beauty queen or somethin better where they remember your name More forgiveness More time away from feelin like you do today More forgiveness More time away from feelin like you do today, alright Babe, you're gettin better Babe, you're gettin betterBabe, you're gettin , yeah, yeah More forgiveness, yeah More forgiveness More forgiveness More time away from feelin this way...<em>

"Guys, I miss the Warblers. I love being in the New directions, I just miss my old family. I went back to visit them because I felt homesick, and one of the guys there, Sebastian, he showed me this song and It really fit how I was feeling. If I had the chance to go back in time, I'd still leave because I want to be here with you guys, it's just that I really miss them. This Glee Club isn't as much as a family. You guys seem like you are ready to fall apart at any second. You're always threatening to leave, and in a real _family, _you don't give up on anyone or just walk out. Sorry guys, just being honest. Truthfully, I'm homesick, but I'm not going back." Blaine looked satisfied, but took his seat.

"Warbler, we are more of a family than your little gay guy singing group will ever be alright? You weren't a family, you were Blaine and his followers, like some kind of fucking cult! We fight, argue and lie to eachother, but at the end of the day, we're they're for eachother. This is only family I have, since my mom and dad refused to acknowledge I even know them, so I might not be an expert on this _family _shit, but I know that what the 12, excuse me, 11, of us have here, is what a real family is, someone special taught me that last year, and that person is what family means to me, so don't you come to _my _family and tell us that you'd rather have your cult back cause no one's keeping you here pretty boy! Get your blazer back on and get the hell out of my choir room!" I yelled at him, sounding a bit like Sue, but set off a little by the fact that he just told us all to our faces that we weren't a real family.

"Language Santana! Enough! Sorry for the hurry guys but I have to be to breadstix in 15 minutes! Next week I'd like to see Mike and Rachel, and I have something I'd like to sing for you guys." He said while rushing out of the door, hurrying to meet his Ginger girlfriends parents.

"Just keepin' it real Mr. Schue." I shrugged as he rushed out of the room. Whatever. I wasn't in a very good mood anyways. Not to mention the fact that I had another urge to run to the bathroom again, after all that time with my mouth open, it surprsed me I didn't throw up my insides all over the seats.

"Santana, why are your eyes so bloodshot?" Kurt asked me.

"I don't know Little Red Riding hood, gonna question me about my teeth next? Do I look like a fucking grandma wolf? Keep it to yourself Porcelain." I spit back at him as I bolted out of the room to head to the bathroom.

"Just trying to help you Satan." I hurt him mutter behind me, sounding a little hurt as I rushed out of the room. I practically fell onto the bathroom stall, my head falling in the toilet as I spit up the contents of my empty stomach. Almost immediately I felt familiar hands pull my hair away from my face. I knew it was Britt without even turning my head to look. I just felt ashamed that she had to see me like this, but it didn't seem to bother her as she brushed my hair back, stroking my back until I was satisfied that I'd be able to stop throwing up for a while. After rinsing my mouth for what seemed like hours, I finally turned towards Britt. She took my hands in hers and sighed.

"I wish you'd be a little nicer to Kurt, San. He's the only one that has the slightest clue what you're going through, and soon he's not gonna be willing to talk to you when you feel like you need him the most."

"I don't need anyone other than you Britt. I can deal with it myself."

"San, It's hard to feel sorry for you all the time when you push help away. Do you realize how much happier you'd be if you just stopped trying to change this? I know you don't want to except what's going on with you, I know you're trying and you don't know how much it means to me that you're doing this, but at one point, I'm not gonna be enough for you. Right now, you have _no one _Santana, no one but me. And eventually, this is gonna get to the point where I'm not enough to get you through this cause' you're gonna need someone that understands you, and Kurt might be the only one who can help you, yet you push him away just like everyone else. Think about where you're gonna be when this thing is killing you, and you've shut yourself out too much to have help. No one's gonna wanna hear about your problems when it's your own fault you didn't solve them before they got out of control. Just think about your future, San. Cause' even though you're losing it right now, hating yourself, I still love you, and I don't want to see you do this to yourself." Britt finished, dropping my hands, and walking out of the bathroom. _When did she get so damn smart? See, when I said she wasn't stupid, I was being serious. Britt really does know what she's talking about sometimes. It was almost like she was in my head though a little, which kind of scared me, but she did have a point. Not that I wanted to believe her. _I just didn't want to believe what she said. I didn't do getting help, I did things myself, I took care of myself, and I delt with consequences later. That's how my parents raised me. It's their fault I'm so fucked up, not mine.

The next day, I made my way to the locker room after school to get ready for Cheerios practice. Honestly, I don't know why we meet in the locker room. We're required to wear our uniforms to school, and we have to keep our hair in a perfect pony all day, so basically all we do is sit in the locker room. It's pointless, but no one questions Sue without losing their spot on the team, besides me, Quinn, Britt, and for some reason Becky.

"Ladies, I want you in the gym immediately, I have some _very disappointing_ news for you all." Sue walked into the locker room and told us, her voice angry but her eyes sad. I wondered what was going on. We all filed into the locker room, Quinn leading Becky and I, with Britt behind us and the rest of the cheerios following her. We were surprised to find Mr. Schue, who was supposed to be at breadstix (He either found this more important, or Sue forced him here), and a few other people there. Everyone glanced around at the people in the gym, looking confused but went to sit down. Everyone except me, Britt, and Quinn. My eyes caught on one person in particular, and I froze. I couldn't move. I felt Quinn grab one of my hands, and Britt take the other, leading me to a seat in the bleachers in the back. Sue's eyes drifted towards mine, like she was apologizing ahead of time. Mr. Schue looked like he was trying hard no to hit someone, and Ms. Pillsbury looked to the point like she was ready to pass out. And my father just looked plain angry. A bunch of other people were there, parents of some of the cheerios probably. Maybe that's what this was, a mandatory parent meeting, and Sue forced my dad here. But even Sue wasn't that cruel. Sue walked over the front row of the bleachers and took a seat, staring menacingly at my dad. Each parent stood up, calling out names of the girls and making them stand in a row, I had no idea what was going on. That's when I noticed Quinn and Britt's mom and dad next to Mr. Schue and Emma. Quinn's mom looked extremely confused about what was going on, but no one seemed to want to tell her. Why were they here too? Over half of the team, well, all except about 7 of us (me, Quinn, Britt, Becky, and 3 who's names I don't know) were left in the bleachers. Then Mr. Schue waved the rest of us to go stand next to the group of cheerios, by the other table. My dad looked at Sue.

"Choose." He told her. She looked at him, confused, and said

"what?"

"Choose. These girls over here," He indicated the majority of our squad, "their parents don't want them on the team if she's on it." He pointed to me. Now Quinn's mom looked even more confused. But that's when it clicked for me. Those were the homophobic parents who didn't want their daughters on a cheer team with a lesbian, and he was making her chose: kick me off, knowing that Quinn and Britt would follow, or choose the remaining half of the squad and make it to nationals. I knew which she'd chose right away.

"I can't kick someone off based on their sexual orientation, race, religion, or looks, _Mr. Lopez._ I checked, trust me." Sue told him, thinking it was finished. Now Quinn's mom was asking everyone what was going on. I was desperately hoping no one would tell her, worrying she'd side with the majority of the parents because she was so religious. So far, everyone just shook their heads when she asked.

"No, you're right. But their parents can force them to quit. So you have the majority of your team here, who you could take to nationals, and all you have to do is kick 1 girl off your team. Chose which group you want. "

"Fine. I'm more likely to win nationals with this group anyways. I've won every year when I've had these girls The only time I lost was when I didn't have them." She motioned for me and Quinn and the rest of the people on our side to walk over to her.

"Not so fast Sue, with those 7, you don't have enough to compete in Nationals."

"Midyear tryouts, bump up a few JV girls, I'll figure it out." She started to get up.

"You're not gonna find anyone that would stand being on this team with _her." _He pointed to me again. That's when Ms. Fabray jumped in.

"Will someone _please_ tell me what is going on? Mr. Lopez, last time I checked, you were a doctor? Am I right? Don't doctors help people? Also, I thought Santana was your kid. I now see what she meant by having trouble at home. No wonder she came to stay with me. I don't get what the big deal is though. She hasn't done anything wrong."

"She's staying with you? And she hasn't even told you?" My dad was loving this, I could tell. People called _me _Satan? See where I get it from.

"Told me what?" Ms. Fabray looked wildly confused now.

"It's not your business to go around and tell people! If she wants to tell Ms. Fabray, I'm sure she will!" Mr. Schue yelled at my father, shaking from anger.

"She's my daughter, and if I want to tell Ms. Fabray here that the girl who is sleeping in her home, with her daughter, is a lesbian, I will." He looked at me to see what I'd do.

"Santana, just calm down..." Quinn whispered.

"You know what, I quit. You can have your fucking cheerios." I walked out of the gym, not even trying to hold back my tears because I know it wouldn't work. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Quinn turn to her mom and point to the other side of the table, and saw her mom shake her head, and resume her seat next to Mr. Schue, glaring at my father, I guess I could have told her, I was just _so _afraid. Not long after I made my way out of the gym, I heard footsteps behind me.

"Go away Q." I said, expecting it to be her. Instead, I just felt sturdy arms wrap around me, I knew without looking that it was Puck. Quinn probably texted him during this whole thing, since she couldn't get out of it, and he skipped out on football practice.

"One of these days I'm gonna hurt your dad _so _ badly." He whispered to me, rubbing my back as I laid my head on his chest.

"Santana, why'd you quit?" I heard Mr. Schue's voice echo down the hallway.

"I was gonna get kicked off anyways. Or make the rest of them get kicked off, and then we'd have no chance at winning nationals." I cried, as Puck helped me up. I saw Quinn's mom come down the hall after him.

"Santana, can I talk to you?" She asked. I was going to go, but Mr. Schue said,

"Hold on, Judy. Santana, you know you just let your dad win though right? That's what he wanted? He's just trying everything he can to make you how he wants you to be."

"Mr. Schue, I've heard all your lessons about just being yourself and loving yourself, but that's really hard to do when you don't love who you are. Where's Britt?"

"Her and Quinn had to practically be forced to stay and hear the rest, but I'm sure Sue will come up with something eventually." Not even 5 seconds after he said that, the fire alarm went off. Sometimes, Sue was my hero. Most of the time, she was the villain, but every once in a while she was the good guy.

"Santana." Ms. Fabray waved for me to follow her into one of the classrooms. As soon as I walked away I heard Puck say,

"Mr. Schue, what the hell happened? Quinn told me to get my ass out of football practice and find Santana cause' her dad's here. She didn't tell me what was going on and-"

"Chill out Puck. We'll explain it later." Mr. Schue cut off his oncoming rant. Ms. Fabray shut the door, and turned towards me. I couldn't look her in the eye.

"Look, Mr. Fabray, I'm sorry for not telling you, I was just so _scared._ I understand though I'll leave."

"I don't want you to leave, Santana. You can stay with us as long as you'd like. But why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid that after everything with Quinn getting pregnant, you'd just go back to being all religious and kick me out and I just needed somewhere to go, and Quinn was being so nice to me, after all I've done to her. I mean, make fun of her for sleeping with Puck, then call her kid a lizard baby, try and get her kicked off the cheerios numerous times, beat her up in the hall, steal almost all of her guys, slushy her here and there, who knows what else, and she still didn't judge me. I didn't want to lose that."

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear the last part...but don't worry okay? You can talk to me if you need to, just don't blame yourself about his alright?" I nodded, and she did the most unexpected thing. She hugged me as I got up. She opened the door and led me back out to the hallway, where I saw Sue. I didn't know what to say to her.

"You shouldn't of quit, Lopez. Don't know if we could win without your Sandbags to distract the judges from the constant mistakes of the other girls." She said. I wasn't sure if she was complimenting me, insulting me, or just saying she was gonna miss me on the team.

"At least Quinn can finally be captain again. He's taking everything from me." And without even caring that 4 people who cared about me very much were standing in that hallway, I walked to the front of the school and got in my car to drive to Quinn's house. I was done with people, with everyone. I just didn't want to be _me_ anymore, it was getting to hard, too painful. It was just easier to be somebody else, even if everyone hated that bitchy girl. Because at least then they hated me for the person I pretended to be, they didn't hate me for being me.

**A/N-Thanks for reading! Don't worry I'll put some happy in there, I'm just showing what she's going through now that the initial shock of it all has warn off. So yeah please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! And the songs were:**

** Radio: **_**G6**_**-Far East Movement**

** Tina: **_**I Like You-**_**Christina Perri**

** Finn: **_**Between The Lines-**_**Chris Brown**

** Blaine: **_**Homesick-**_**Train**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N-Okay, so guys sorry I broke my wrist AGAIN, the other one this time ;b so it took me a while to write this xP sorry! anyways, i think this might be coming to a close, so let me know what you thought about it PLEASE cause this is THE LAST CHAPTER! Enjoy it and review! **

The I noticed three things when I walked into the choir room. 1) Brad was not at the piano. For some reason, that's what stood out the most to me. He was always there, no matter whether the rest of us were there or not, Brad was there. Always at that piano, or at some piano, somewhere whenever any of us needed him, he just seemed to be there. Maybe he lost the abiltity to duplicate himself, since it seemed he was always everywhere at once. But even more puzzling, was the second thing I noticed. Not only was Brad gone, but so was Mr. Schue, Artie, Rachel, Mercedes, Puck, Mike and Tina. That just left me with Quinn, Kurt, Blaine, Finn, and Britt. And, no. That's the third thing I noticed, In the chair next to Quinn was my big lipped blondie. Sam. Sam was back. I didn't know what to do or think, so instead, I just looked at them all, turned around and went to leave, when I heard a voice I'd missed more than I'd like to admit it call my name.

"Santana..." Sam sounded a little confused, a little scared, mostly unsure.

"Look trouty mouth, in case no ones told you, you missed your chance visiting the twins that live on my rib cage cause' I play for the other team now."

"Yeah I know, I didn't come back to ...visit the twins. I came cause' I missed you guys and wanted to visit, and then I find out all this stuff about you. Which didn't really surprise me, but everyone sounded all worried, so-" I didn't let him finish his ramble.

"Speaking of everyone, where are they?"

"Probably in class or at home." Quinn told me. She continued when she saw how confused I looked.

"Mr. Schue canceled Glee Today, and he told me to tell you. But I had a better idea, so here we are."

"I still don't get it."

"Santana, do you honestly think you can just put on the face you've been wearing for years, hide behind it, and expect us all to not notice anything is wrong?" Quinn continued.

"Well, yeah. Since THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! Damn Quinn...Just because my fucking dad came in and screwed my life up even more, you don't think I can handle it?"

"Honestly? No. Don't forget you _live _with me. I've smelt you all the way from my room every night for the past week, since your dad came, and it's starting to not just be alchohol I smell anymore. I've noticed how distant you've been acting, and I know what's wrong with you!"

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG!" I yelled at her, Sam getting ready to hold me back if neccisary.

"Is that what this is about Quinn? Is this your little _above the influence_ club, cause you know it's gonna crash and burn, starting with you, just like your dumb little celibisy club." I continued.

"That's not what this is about! I don't care what you do with your life, you've screwed it up enough no matter how much I've tried to help. But Brittany? She does. And she knows what your doing to yourself, but she can't stop it. And I can't, and Finn can't, and Sam and Kurt and Blaine can't. But you can, and we all know you don't do anything without basically being forced to."

"There. Is. Nothing. Wrong. With. Me. I'm fine Q! So what, I've been partying a little, that's not gonna kill me! Why are you so sure that there's something going on with me? You want someone to blame everything on? Is that why everytime your going through something rough, you conviently blame everything on me? Your just trying to hide whatevers wrong with you by convincing everyone that theres something wrong with me!"

"Your getting pretty god damn defensive for nothing being wrong. All we're doing is trying to help you, trying to keep you from killing youself." She got really serious.

"I'm not suicidal! How does getting drunk lead you to think I'm plotting to kill myself?" I noticed how everyone was just watching us, like we were some kind of reality TV show.

"No, but one thing leads to another. That's why it's the 5 of us here. We've all been in that situation, one way or another, well besides Britt, we just figured you'd cooperate better with her here. I know how you feel Santana. Like, everywhere you go, people are watching you. Like even when you're alone, there's people staring at you. Like you can hear their whispers, the way it creeps down your spine everytime you hear them talk about you. It makes you sick to see the way they stare at you compared to how they used to look at you, how you feel disguisted with yourself, like you don't deserve anything good. You feel like you have to punish yourself, but you can't figure out why. You feel like you can't really trust anyone, like no one knows how you feel or how much pain your really in. How it feels to really be alone. I know how it feels...I know how you feel, but you can't just drink away your problems, cause' one day your gonna need a real friend, not some liquid put in a bottle. That doesn't get rid of pain, it dulls it for the moment, but makes everything worse the next day."

"I still don't get it...What is this? Some fucking cult? Leave me alone, and let me do what I wanna do!" I was about to storm out, when they all started yelling at me. It all sounded jumbled, like I couldn't make out anything they were saying. And like I said before, when I get mad, my brain forget's to convert my words to english, so when I meant to yell _Just shut up, I don't even fucking care anymore, stop yelling at me!_, it came out,

"Cállate, no me importa nada, incluso de mierda, deja de gritar a mí!" They all stopped and looked at me, no idea what I was saying.

"No mas pantalones?" Sam muttered, and I almost broke down laughing right then and there. _No more pants?_ What the hell...

"No more pants?" I couldn't even try to act mad any more, I was too busy trying not to laugh.

"It's the only thing I can say in spanish..." Sam smiled his cheesy guppy lip smile.

I just laughed, slightly, still shaken up about what Quinn said, but Sam lightened the moment alot. But everything Quinn said to me, it felt like she was in my head, like she was me and knew everything about how I was feeling.

It scared me, like she was reading my mind. It made me feel to exposed, like they were starting to know what I was thinking, and I just wanted to leave so badly, before they started figuring out that I'm not at tough as I put myself out there to be. Really, I'm broken, damaged, I'm barely even a person anymore, I've lost basically everything. I don't have anything to cling onto anymore of who I used to be, and I just wasn't ready to start over as someone else yet. But Quinn was right about the last part. The pain was getting so bad, even drinking barely numbed it anymore.

"That doesn't explain why you guys are here though, none of you know what I'm going through."

"You can't blame yourself for this though." Finn spoke up.

"I don't. I blame Artie...and Rachel." Everyone looked at me, heads turned and eyes wide.

"Why them? What'd they do?" Blaine asked.

"I don't know," I looked at the floor, "I'm sure they did something."

"You just hate them." Kurt told me.

"Yeah, I do. That's why I blame them."

"I get why you hate Artie, but not Rachel." Finn was turning into his defensive boyfriend mode.

"All of us hate her besides you and Kurt..." I pointed out. He must've realized that he couldn't win the argument because he just looked away. I smirked, turning around to leave when Quinn opened her mouth again.

"Listen to me Santana." She was serious now, forcefull. As Finn usually called her, _Scary Quinn. _That's how she was right now.

"You may think this planet revolves around you, like your the center of everything and your the only one in the world with problems. Look what happened to Kurt. Your getting whispers, mean jokes. He got slammed into a locker and got his life threatened. He didn't even have anyone then, he was alone, and scared, and being tormented. I know what happened with your dad was pretty bad, but-"

"He got shoved in a locker? I got the shit beat out of me by my own dad attempting to _fix _me! That's not what this is about anyway!" I interupted her.

"Blaine had to transfer schools because of bullying, and his dad tried to fix him too! You got more of the physical part of that, and yeah, I get it, but the emotional part of feeling unnaccepted by your dad, Blaine felt that too."

"Yeah, he felt his dad not liking him. I felt my dads fist in my gut and hands on my throat. I felt his foot in my side, and his nails in my skin. I felt him kicking and hitting me, screaming at me for being me. I felt it Quinn. I felt what he meant with each smack, and I felt what he wanted from me with each yell. My dad didn't build a god damn car with me to fix me, he beat the shit out of me and told me he never wanted to see me again, while my mom agreed with everything he did."

"Which is rough, and that's why were trying to help you! I got kicked out too Santana, for something that wasn't entirely my fault! I got kicked out for being pregnant, by a parent that I thought loved me. I lived with Puck after we'd broken up, and I could feel the way his mom didn't like me, for being pregnant. For nine months, I could feel dissapointment wherever I went, then the most perfect thing in the world came out of it, and I lost that."

"You lost the kid you told everyone was a mistake. You lost a baby, and no one even looks you in the eyes anymore Q! You got pregnant, they just add you to the list of slutty cheerleaders at this school and your back on top. There's a big difference between getting knocked up and being gay."

"I'm not saying that it's the same! I'm saying that we can relate to what your going through!"  
>"Then why's Finn here? I'm pretty sure he isn't gay or pregnant."<p>

"My brothers gay, I had one foot in each world for 2 years, and I didn't really fit in either one. The Glee kids didn't like me for being to jocky, and in football they all called me gay. I didn't have the guts to defend my own brother cause' I was scared of what they'd think of me, and I didn't have the guts to protect my family. I was being selfish, and now It's better, even if I get slushies, the football guys hate me. It's better knowing my friends are my real friends. It's better now, and we want it to be better for you too. We don't want you to regret anything."

"Thanks guys. Really, you just made my day that much worse. Not only do I have to deal with the sick looks from everyone out there, but I have to handly your creepy sympathetic stories that make me wanna vomit." I walked out, surprised at how spot on Quinn was, but none of them knew what was going on with me. They thought they did, but they didn't.

"Still a bitch." I heard Sam sigh as I walked out of the room.

"Only straight I am is straight up bitch." I reminded everyone, slamming the door without turning around.

"Santana, you can't keep pushing us all away." Fin said to me outside the choir room.

"Just let me go home Frankenteen." I tugged away from the grasp on his arm, but he kept talking.

"Your gonna push us away, afraid to let us all in, and then your gonna drink and drink since it's the only thing that seems to help, since you wont talk. You're gonna keep this bottled inside you until it _kills _you. And you may not be suicidal right now, but eventually, when you have NO one, not even Britt like you used to, your gonna fall, and it's just gonna be over. You will die, or come pretty close to it, if you don't let us help."

"I don't want your help."

"Yeah, but you need it."

"So what, I'm supppsed to go to some stupid fucking group therapy session full of _problem children?_"

"No, just...just sing with me. Or let me sing to you at least, okay? I'll pick the song, just sing it with me, or listen, I don't care. Not even in front of anyone if you don't want to. Just poor the pressure and the pain and the guilt, everything into the song. That's all I'm asking. Just _try_ to let us help you, okay?"

"No, I'm leaving."

"Santana, come on. We don't have to perform it! Just sing a song with me, that's all I'm asking."

"Fine, if it'll get you to leave me alone."

"Fine, as long as you show up." I rolled my eyes as he let go of my arm, satisfied with my answer, and left me standing in the hall. I felt about ready to break down from everything I'd gone through. It just kicked in right there, everything built up and I just snapped, standing alone in the hall. All the memories, starting with the day I fell in love with Britt. I still remembered the first day we met.

_I hated them all, the other kids in the class. They were ugly and gross, they didn't color in the lines and they didn't know the alphabet. They couldn't count past ten, and worst of all, they talked to me. There was a little red headed girl I got put next to, who tried talking to me. That's when I got in my first school fight. She got mad at me for telling off Noah Puckerman, who was a stud even back then. She got defensive and started yelling at me, so I struck her in the face, yelling in Spanish. A blonde girl started crying. She told me to stop, like it was literally hurting her that I smacked this girl and took her to the ground. Normally, I would've hit her again, just to annoy the blonde girl, but for some reason, I didn't like seeing her hurt. I stopped right then and sat back in my seat. Strangely, the teacher moved my seat away from the red head, and next to the blonde girl. I sat down, trying to act annoyed with the seat change. _

_ "Hi, I'm Brittany! What's your name? Do you want to be my friend?" She asked excidedly._

_ "Hi, Brittany. I'm Santana. And, uh, sure, I'll be your friend.." I replied, confused, but I just couldn't make myself be mean to her. _Kindergarten, just the 3rd day of school, and Brittany and I were already friends. Love at first sight, through a couple of kindergardeners that didn't even know what love was. But even clearer is the memory of when I fell in love with her.

_"Santana, I love you." Noah Puckerman said to me on the first day of 6th Grade._

_ "No you don't Puck, you just want to kiss me." I laughed at his sad attempts at asking me out. _

_ "So, I want to kiss you cause' I love you!" _

_ "No, when you look at me, what do you think of?"_

_ "How bad I wanna kiss you."_

_ "See, that isn't love. But I'll let you kiss me." I told him, desperate for my first kiss. Britt had hers, and I wanted mine so badly. I was always more pretty, so I told myself, but honestly, I thought she was more beautiful. She told me she had kissed a boy and it felt great, I wanted to know what it felt like, not to mention that I was unbelievably jealous. I thought it was because she had her first kiss before me, but it was really that I was jealous of the guy she kissed. Britt explained the feeling magical, like everything faded away and you were the only 2 in the world. But when Puck leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, all I could think about was how bad his breath smelled, and how well he brushes his teeth, how many girls he'd kissed, what diseases he just passed to my mouth. The feeling wasn't magical, it was just gross. I convinced myself that it felt that way because we'd did it wrong. But after school, I was determined to understand what Britt meant. By the end of the day I'd kissed 4 guys, starting my reputation as school slut, but still didn't get what she meant. All of them just creeped me out, there was no magical special feeling. It was just gross._

_ "Britt?" I asked her after school, back at my house._

_ "San?" She didn't look up from the T.V._

_ "Can I ask you something?" _

_ "You just did." She replied, turning around to face me._

_ "Friends are supposed to be honest with each other, right? And your my best friend, so that means I can tell you anything, right?"_

_ "You can tell me anything you want."_

_ "Well, I kissed Puck today, and it didn't have that feeling you were talking about. It was just gross. I don't know how to get that feeling you told me about, I just don't feel it."_

_ "Maybe it's because you don't actually like Puck."_

_ "You really think that's why?" _

_ "I don't know, maybe."_

_ "Britt, if I do something right now, do you promise not to tell anybody?"_

_ "I promise." She replied. And before I changed my mind, I leaned over and kissed her. RIght on the lips. I don't know why, but I just had the sudden urge to. And I got what she meant. That feeling, the magical feeling. It was like I had sugar in my veins or something, like my heart couldn't stay still. Like someone took my breath away, like I was in some sort of fairy tale world. I didn't understand it._

_ "Sorry." I mumbled, looking down._

_ "It's okay San. Did you feel it?"_

_ "Um..No." I lied, not understanding what it meant, why I felt that way. But I never looked at Britt the same after that, that's when I fell so far in love with her, there was no coming back from it. It took her longer to realize though._

I must've looked crazy, staring at the lockers in the hallway, lost in my past. But I couldn't stop the memories from coming, it was like reliving it all over again.

_Our friends-with-benefits thing started around 7th grade, when we kissed again. This time for a game of truth or dare though. Someone dared Britt to kiss me, and without hesitating, she did. The boys all cheered, but I didn't notice. I was lost in the moment with Brittany. The fraction of a second when I felt like things were okay, like there was no bad. But I pulled away before anyone noticed anything, and we continued our game. I remember watching a movie, I think it was the little mermaid, when I felt Brittany grab my hand. Instinctively, I pulled away. But after looking around the living room, and making sure the blanket was over us, I took her hand back in mine, and scooted just a little closer to her. I wasn't able to pay attention to the rest of the movie. _

_ Things increased a little at a time, until we took it all the way in the begining of 9th grade. I'd lost my virginity in 8th, Britt the summer before 9th, and we both pretty much had the sluttiest reputations in the school, especially being cheerios. But after one of my drunk nights with Puck, I got carried away. I'd slept with him before, but this time was different. We were both to drunk to really know what was going on, and things just seemed sloppy. It was gross, and I didn't even want to finish. I practically pushed him off of me before storming out of his bedroom. I walked down the street, trying to get home but ended up standing at Brittany's window instead of my front door. I climbed up, just wanting to get out of the cold, but when I saw Britt crying, I forgot all about me and went straight to her, trying to confort her. Within 10 minutes, I lost control, still wasted, and we went a little further than usual. I kissed her, she kissed me back. By the end of the night, neither of us had clothes on, or had a minute of sleep. I ran out of her house that day, and didn't see her again for a week. _

I dragged myself to Quinn's that day feeling more depressed than before. I just sat on the bed, staring at the ceiling fan, still thinking about all my 'firsts' with Britt. Our first time meeting, or first kiss, or first time holding hands, our first time saying I love you, our first time singing together, or making out, or going on an un-official date. I should've caught on to how I felt about her before I was too backed up in the closet to come out. And now that I have, I was just miserable.

But deep inside, I think I've always known I was gay. I mean, I'd never _actually_ felt anything for a guy. I remember being just a little kid, and flirting with the boys like I knew I was supposed to do, but staring at all the girls the whole time. I remember always being more nervous around the girls than the guys, always talking to the prettiest one. There were so many hints I just never caught onto. Even when I was older and I understood more. Each time I caught myself staring at a girls legs when she wore shorts, or watching her perfect lips when she talked, I told myself it was because I was jealous. If i'd just caught on sooner!

"Santana?" Quinn knocked on my door. I pulled myself out of my memories and back to reality.

"Uh, yeah, Q? What?" I mumbled, at a loss for words.

"Can I come in?" I was confused, she'd never asked before. She usually just walked in and yelled at me.

"Sure..." I was too upset to argue with her.

"Santana, I'm sorry about-" I didn't let her finish. I just started bawling, unable to hold in the tears. Quinn came over and sat next to me on the bed, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm sorry Quinn, I'm just so fucking sorry. I hate it, you know that? What this is doing to me, I'm sorry." I couldn't stop the tears, but Quinn just held me in her arms, probably overly confused. I pulled away from her arms, wiping my eyes with my sleeves and staring at the bed so I didn't have to look at her.

"Are you okay?" She seemed really concerned. I couldn't lie anymore. Everything, all the way from back in preschool, to just hearing dirty comments muttered as I walked down the hallway that day, it all caught up to me at once and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I shook my head no in responce to her question.

"I can't handle this Q. I thought that everything would be alright as long as I still had Britt, but I can feel her slipping away, I can feel everyone slipping away, I feel myself slipping away. It hurts so damn much and I just can't take it anymore." I fell forward, burrying my face in my pillow, still avoiding Quinn's eyes."

"I told you Santana. Your gonna lose everything unless you open up a little, at least to your friends. All we wanna do is help you out, before you go to far and do something stupider than usual."

"For the last time, I'm not suicidal!"

"Listen to yourself. I know where your going with this, and in a few weeks you'll be done lying to yourself and be ready to just end it. I don't want to let you get that far, but I can't help you if you wont let me."

"It's not like it will make a difference. People might be better off with me burried 6 feet underground. It's not like anyone would even care." I was just drowing in self hate by now.

"Britt would. Yo u've been friends for how long ? Can you see britt taking care of herself like you take care of her. Can you imagine what Britt would do if she lost you. Or how she'd blame herself? Would you do that to her Santana?"

"I'd never hurt her."

"Then don't hurt yourself." She told me as she walked out of my room, leaving me alot to think about.

The next day at school, I rushed down the hall, anxious to get out of the way of peoples line of vision and into class. Yeah, I didn't even act like me anymore. And god knows I didn't look like me anymore either. I felt like I was always hiding.

"Santana!" I heard Finn yell, and I spun around, facing Finn.

"What do you want Blubber Boy?"

"Come to the choir room with me...alone." He told me. I was about to yell some bitchy comment at him, but I remembered what this was about so I followed him to the choir room. This time when I walked in, the place was empty. He picked up a guitar, this time not playing the drums like usual, and handed me sheet music. I didn't look down at the paper. Instead, I took a seat facing Finn, and waited for him to start playing.

_ " Someone falls to pieces Someone kills the pain Spinning in the silence She finally drifts away Someone gets excited In a chapel yard And catches a bouquet Another lays a dozen White roses on a grave Yeah... "_

I didn't understand it at first, but I still refused to look at the music. I wasn't going to sing with him. I just wasn't going to give in that easily.__

_"And to be yourself is all that you can do Hey... To be yourself is all that you can do Someone finds salvation in everyone Another only pain Someone tries to hide herself Down inside herself she prays Someone swears her true love Until the end of time Another runs away Separate or united Healthy or insane."_

The song actually fit more perfect that I thought. But I stared at him blankly, trying to show no emotion at all while he screamed in the microphone.__

_"And to be yourself is all that you can do(all that you can do) Yeah.. To be yourself is all that you can do(all that you can do) To be yourself is all that you can do(all that you can do) Hey... Be yourself is all that you can do."_

I tried to look bored, but I was actually surprised that Finn was doing this. I thought he hated me just as much as everyone else did, if not more since I took his virginity.__

_"even when you've paid enough been put upon or been held up with every single memory of the good or bad, faces of luck don't lose any sleep tonight i'm sure everything will end up alright you may win or lose But to be yourself is all that you can do Yeah...To be yourself is all that you can do.."_

It really was a very motivational song, and as much as I hated to admit it, it really was inspiring me to be myself.__

_"Ohhh... To be yourself is all that you can do(all that you can do) Ohhh... To be yourself is all that you can do(all that you can do) To be yourself is all that you can- Be yourself is all that you can- Be yourself is all that you can dooooooohoooo..." _He was breathing heavy by the end of the song, looking at me to see if I'd leave, or chew his head off. But instead I did something that surprised both of us. I got up and hugged him.

"Thank you so much finn." I told him, burrying my face in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me together. Who knew what one song could do? There were people out there that had it alot worse than me. At least through everything I went through, no one ever took the one thing that mattered away. I still had Britt.

So that's when I had a resolution. The more people that hate me, the less I have to pretend to get along with.

I stood up, marched myself to the locker room and told Sue I was back on the team, and left before she said otherwise. If those other girls quit, fine. It's not like they liked me in the first place. I searched the hallway for Britt, finding her within minutes. I grabbed her hand, gently, and pulled her downt he hallway behind me. I saw some sophomore look at us and mutter,

"Fuckin' lesbian." To his friends, looking at me disgusted. I turned around, walking back towards him, still dragging Britt behind me.

"Yep, sure am." I told him, giving him my Santana-Lopez-Is-gonna-fucking-go-all-Lima-Heights-On-your-ass-if-you-open-your-mouth-again look. And then I pushed Britt to the locker, kissing her gently, just to see what the other kid would do. He looked ready to say some snobby comment, but probably thought better of it, as he turned and walked away. Britt smiled at me, taking my hand as we walked down the hallway again, the first time where I didn't care what the other kids thought of me. Santana Lopez was back, back to be the bitch of the school, but this time, I'm gonna be who I want to be, not who I'm supposed to be.

The next day in glee club, Mr. Schue saw me back in my cheerios uniform and his eyes looked ready to pop out of his head. He shook it off, and pointed to Rachel to start us off, so we could get her annoying speech out of the way early.

"_There are places I remember, All my life, though some have changed Some for ever, not for better And some have gone, and some remained All these places had there moments With lovers and friends that I still can recall Some are dead and some are living In my life, I loved them all But of all these friends and lovers Still no one, compares with you And these memories loose their meaning, When I think of love as something new No I will never, ever loose affection For people and things that went before I'll often stop and think about them In my life, I loved you more I know I'll never ever loose affection For people and things that went before I'll often stop to think about them In my life, I loved you more In my life, I loved you more..."_

"I just want you guys to know that I love you, and that no one else has dealt with me for as long as you guys have, so thanks. " Rachel said to us, going back to her seat. The only thong I could think was, _who are you and what have you done with Rachel Berry? _Rachel was normally selfish, and only sang about Finn. Nice to know that she actually cared about the rest of us.

"Nice job Rachel. Mike, you can go next."

"Okay, thanks Mr. Schue. I got some help from Artie too." Mike made his way to the center floor and began to dance with the music, before showing off his newly developed singing voice,

_"All right Gonna be all right Check this out, All right...Gonna be all right There was a boy who lay awake at night, Dreamin' what he'd do with his life What would it take to trade the rain in for that sunny day That sunny day I can't tell you what to do You've got your dreams, I've got mine too You can make it if you try  
>All I wanna say tonight is...<br>Follow your dreams and you will see Anything you want you can achieve Time to begin, fly like the wind Breakin down these walls you will be free Now that little boy is all grown up So you see that little boy was me I came here to let you know That I found that sunny day That sunny day I can't tell you what to do The dreams you hold will get you through The power you need comes from within Now you know it's in your hands  
>Follow your dreams and you will see Anything you want you can achieve Time to begin, fly like the wind Breakin down these walls you will be free .." <em>

Artie wheeled next to Mike and started,_  
>"I heard time and time again How everybodys got a dream but they feel they won't win Cause somebody who was illin, who wanted to be chillin So they could never make it even if they were willin So we put together this old school flow So everybody in my generation oughtta know No matter what you take from this scene Now you and me Can follow our dreams."<em>

Mike finished the song with,

_ "Follow your dreams and you will see Anything you want you can achieve Time to begin, fly like the wind Breakin down these walls you will be free..."_

"Tina, you inspired me to follow my dreams, and I think I want to be a dancer now instead of a doctor. Dancing is what makes me happy, no matter what my dad says."

"Great Job Mike! Okay, I have one last song for you guys, to lighten up the mood a little."

"_When the night has come And the land is dark And the moon is the only light we'll see No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid Just as long as you stand, stand by me And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me Stand by me, stand by me If the sky that we look upon Should tumble and fall And the mountains should crumble to the sea I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear Just as long as you stand, stand by me And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me, yeah Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me Darlin', darlin', stand by me, stand by me Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me."_

_ "_Were a real family guys and we will always stand by each other, no matter what. And I think we proved that. Is that all for today?" Mr Schue finished singing and asked us. I raised my hand.

"Yes, Santana?"

"I have one more thing I'd like to sing..."

"Okay, go for it."

"You guys saved me. Like, really saved me. Who knows what I would have done if it weren't for you guys, and Quinn's annoyingly mothering advice. I don't know if I'd even be alive right now if it weren't for all of you, I was in a dark place, and you guys pulled me out. I don't know how to thank you enough for it, so I found a song I wanted to sing, just to thank you guys for all you've done for me." Brittany was staring at me with shinning eyes, so proud of what I'd become.

_"For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you I'll be forever thankful baby You're the one who held me up Never let me fall You're the one who saw me through through it all You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith cause you believed I am everything I am Because you loved me You gave me wings and made me fly You touched my hand I could touch the sky I lost my faith, you gave it back to me You said no star was out of reach You stood by me and I stood tall I had your love I had it all I'm grateful for each day you gave me I don't know that much But I know this much is true I was blessed because I was loved by you You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith cause you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me You were always there for me The tender wind that carried me A light in the dark shining your love into my life You've been my inspiration Through the lies you were the truth My world is a better place because of you You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith cause you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith cause you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me I'm everything I am...Because you loved me."_

**A/N-THANK YOU FOR READING ! Please review, that was the last chapter, so I wanna know how this is all together. Hope you enjoyed it! And the songs were**

** Finn: Be Yourself-Audioslave**

** Rachel: In My Life- The Beatles**

** Mike & Artie: Follow Your Dreams- Raze**

** Mr. Schue: Stand By Me- Ben E. King**

** Santana: Because You Loved Me- Celine Dion**


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